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Bf and I decided to out and get some icecream, I also needed to make a stop at chinese grocery store to pick something.
So we went out and at the grocery store I just realized I didn't have my purse with me. So I tured to bf and said oh I forgot my purse. Bf hesitated for a while, but pulled out a 20 dollor bill and gave it to me.
It turns out the store was closed, so I returned to the car, that's when the bf started blaming me of not bringing my own purse, that it's bugged him so much and he really felt uncorfortable. and that he felt used.
Here's the situation:
We've dated 2 years, I moved in with him half year ago. I don't pay rent, but I pay for all of our grocery shopping/pick up food and cook daily. He pays when we occasionally go out or go on trips. we exchange gifts on occasions.
I think he is acting ridiculous. If I was in his shoes I would not have hesitated giving you the $20. If i was going out with a girl for two years and we lived together I would believe her when she told me that she left her purse at home, especially when we are talking about $20 and you were probably not going to use it all. The part where he makes 210k and you make 35k makes it even worse. I would be very disappointed and worried if that happened to me. It just isn't a normal or reasonable reaction from him.
MsAnn is right. This does not bode well. Generosity is important. Both members of the couple should be generous and loving according to their means. This doesn't necessarily mean money, there are many ways of being generous. I'd say this is a red flag.
Wow! This guy is a piece of work. And why did you buy into this as well? Time to renegotiate. He is swimming in dough and you are fighting to tread water. And he complains about $20? Ridiculous. He is making almost 5K per WEEK!
You are not living in a roommate situation. Things can never be 50/50 when one of you makes 6 times what the other makes. Things will never really be fair when there's so much disparity in incomes.
Probably the fairest way to do this is based on him making 6 times what you make. You would pay for 1/6th of everything and he picks up the rest.
If you think you will eventually marry or stay together permanently, you need to find out if this guy can share. If he can't accept being financially 'one' with you it probably won't work long term.
If I was going out or living with a woman and I made 6 times more I would insist on paying for almost everything. Every time she bought something with her money I would feel guilty.
Reading though, I would guess there are elements the man felt they were clear on. He's providing shelter, water, power, etc. Trips, and dates. She's taking care of food. That's all she's indicated she's responsible for.
I really doubt he's paused on handing over 20 bucks for a grocery pick-up; if there weren't other elements where he's feeling "put-out" or taken advantage of? Even though obviously forgetting a purse/wallet, leaving a debit card out of our carry alongs is something we all can do. The pause is "telling" in that he's thinking about previous scenarios they may or may not have discussed.
Or maybe he's just having an "off" moment like we all do. Who knows.
Could be more to the story than we know. I had a gf who I had quite a bit more money but the way she acted towards me did make me feel like she was using me.
To the OP, from your short story your boyfriend seems like the jerk... but maybe there were other things leading up to this? Usually when something like this happens it isn't because you forgot your purse that time.
The guy is just a cheapskate, that's all. His providing shelter, water, etc. is nothing, compared to him paying for sex and the attention of any woman. If he is earning that much, he should treat her better.
Could be more to the story than we know. I had a gf who I had quite a bit more money but the way she acted towards me did make me feel like she was using me.
To the OP, from your short story your boyfriend seems like the jerk... but maybe there were other things leading up to this? Usually when something like this happens it isn't because you forgot your purse that time.
Absolutely.
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