Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But, money is business. There should be a consensus before marriage about how money will be managed, I have met many men, who just let their wives manage everything. And it works. Other folks want separate accounts, which is fine too. The real issue is not joint and separate accounts, but irrepsonsible spending by one party. And resntment from the other party...who feels like he/she is left paying all expenses.
Heads up...money issues, and spending habits whould be carefully assessed prior to marriage, or living together. Work this out first.
I don't see how 'mine' and 'yours' fits with the concept of marriage. I say joint. It should all come from the same pot.
Separate accounts doesn't always mean separate pots. It boils down to the attitudes of the couple. Just because people have separate accounts, doesn't mean they are counting every penny and have a mine vs. yours attitude. Regardless of which accounts hold how much, all of the money is in the marriage, and the needs of the family come first. That's how I see it anyway. If something needs to be purchased, it is discussed and the person who is better able to absorb the cost pays for it, because the family needs it. I don't run out and spend all of my money on stuff just for me because it's my money and I can.
Obviously, it becomes a problem when there is a greater disparity in income, but for two people who have similar salaries and similar priorities/values/goals it can work just fine.
But, money is business. There should be a consensus before marriage about how money will be managed, I have met many men, who just let their wives manage everything. And it works. Other folks want separate accounts, which is fine too. The real issue is not joint and separate accounts, but irrepsonsible spending by one party. And resntment from the other party...who feels like he/she is left paying all expenses.
Heads up...money issues, and spending habits whould be carefully assessed prior to marriage, or living together. Work this out first.
So true.
There are also many people who have trusted their spouses to manage the finances and got burned. I don't blame them at all for not wanting anyone else in control of their money. Personally, I think both people should be involved in managing the finances.
And I'm not sure how anyone could be married in any other way. That's not love. That's rooming together. And it's kind of an impoverished way to live.
And you are welcome to YOUR opinion. But not everyone chooses to define "marriage" the same way you do. The world isn't black & white. You cannot jam every relationship into YOUR mold and expect it to fit. I generally agree with many of your posts, but I don't think you should be trying to apply your definition of what's an acceptable way to run a marriage on the rest of the world. It works for you -- awesome! But it doesn't work for everyone.
My DLH and I had completely separate finances and a pre-nup. And guess what -- we had a very fulfilling marriage.
I don't see how 'mine' and 'yours' fits with the concept of marriage. I say joint. It should all come from the same pot.
I think that most people here agree that jointly (either through equal contributions or joint accounts) that the couple pays the bills, debts, mortgages, and contributes to future savings on whatever balance is agreed. One may make more money, but the other may contribute in different ways (eg: SAHM), so it is up to each couple to figure out the right balance for THEM.
But the mine and yours is like this. Imagine a couple, she likes to go out with her girlfriends once a week, she enjoys designer cloths, and wants to remodel the house every three years. He does not care about any of that, but wants to save for 10 years so he can buy his mid-life crisis Farrari, and so he can get a $5k set of golf clubs. Once the couples obligations are met, and once their savings are met, and assuming they do what they want to do together, then it seems reasonable to me that he can save for the Fararri, and she can still spend on the nice cloths without constantly draining his Fararri fund.
It's a good way to give each member of the couple a bit of freedom to pursue their own selfish wants, without having to justify or hide. I think the key (IMO) is making sure that all the obligations and goals are met first, and then the separate monies are only from surplus.
How a couple achieves this end goal is less relevant than getting the balance itself. To each their own.
If you've never dated or been in a relationship, why do you think you're remotely qualified to comment on relationships? Makes sense now...
I never said I was 'qualified' or an expert, as some of these people claim to be. it's a message board. I can express my thoughts on the matter. There was no sign that says "people with 10 relationships or more can post here." A lot of people seem to agree with me on certain issues, yet I have no experience compared to them. So this says common sense often dictates a lot of things in life regardless of the situation. Try using it sometimes.
He could be supporting another family and buying women gifts a lot easier with seperate accounts. His spouse would have no way of checking to see where the money is going in that case.
We have joint accounts (except for our grocery account which I manage...but he direct deposits into that). I know what he makes per week, I know what we spend and where our money goes. If he was supporting another family, or even entertaining another woman, I'd know it. I can check our accounts and see what goes in and out.
I think if someone would want to be on the sly, it would be easier to do that if they had seperate accounts. Then there is no access by the spouse and they can lie all they want. How would the other spouse even know what money is going in and out?
That's what I just said, basically .....yet, I have no experience and you do. How does that happen? LOL.
Anyways, I think it's a good idea you have one account but can still check where the money is going either way. I still say with a separate account if things so south you will at least have your own money, etc.
edit: I forgot to add another reason why I said separate account. I knew this woman whose boyfriend drained all their savings out of joint account. They had to go to court and the whole thing was a mess.
I never said I was 'qualified' or an expert, as some of these people claim to be. it's a message board. I can express my thoughts on the matter. There was no sign that says "people with 10 relationships or more can post here." A lot of people seem to agree with me on certain issues, yet I have no experience compared to them. So this says common sense often dictates a lot of things in life regardless of the situation. Try using it sometimes.
Sure, you can certainly comment, as I just did about the quality of your opinions.
Sure, you can certainly comment, as I just did about the quality of your opinions.
For someone you claim to have so many issues with as far as my 'expertise level,' you certainly pay enough attention to me in these threads, LOL. As always there's obviously the ignore function if this continues to be a problem for you. Please use it.
I would take relationship advice from a person who has never been in, nor desires to be in, a relationship just like I would take culinary advice from somebody who hates cooking and has never set foot in a kitchen. Which is to say, with a slight sense of detached bemusement and humor, a gigantic grain of salt, and that's about it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
