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Tread carefully, and this is true of assessing any potential permanent romantic relationship. Pay attention to how the other persons family is as well as the object of your desire. See them in a lot of different situations. Do they do anything that repulses you (their personal family culture)? How do they perceive those of other social classes. This foundation is likely to be reflected in your potential mate sooner or later. Social class for more than one generation will have a bearing as much as different religions do. This doesn't mean it won't work out. Be particularly aware of any grudges in viewpoint, inappropriate behavior to your way of thinking, etc.
I have been accused in two long term relationships of having been born with a silver spoon in my mouth. This accusation, though true, didn't show up initially and I consider the slur to be detrimental to my mates perception of me and a barrier of resentment imposed by them to come between us. My whole life I have worked my behind off at whatever needed to be done, often times more than them, and am greatly displeased with this attitude. True we were trained in and practiced formal dining and dress usually on sundays and holidays as it was important to my parents to know how to act in all situations. I'll never forget the first time I met my future mother-in-law. She use to work for a lot of fundraisers because she liked the diamond pins she would receive for her efforts, ok, that sounded like a familiar lifestyle. On her birthday I presented her with a pair of white gloves (this was yrs ago when such things were normal). Her response was "What kind of $hit is this?". That should have been a red flag to me, both the sentiment and language. So, what I'm saying is that a persons internal family culture can have a great deal to do with their future behavior.
Let's be honest: the concern here isn't about class, it is about income. If he were a well-off man who made custom cabinetry for a living, there wouldn't be a thread. This thread is about hypergamy, not about class. In the US, when people talk about class they always mean income, with a select few northeastern type people being an exception. (For instance when Bostonians talk about class, they typically mean class not income.)
Be careful OP, if you keep fretting over this you may end up one of those 40+ never married types who swears she "just never found the right person" thanks to bad luck. You may have the right guy staring you in the face today!
Social class is important but not an insurmountable hurdle. Education, morals, ethics, and beliefs can all play a big part in a couple's compatibility. Not only that, "blue collar" and "white collar" aren't confined to single classes anymore. If people don't like a guy because he's an electrician, they are pretentious snobs. If they don't like him because he can't sit at the dinner table without farting and swearing, then you have a bigger problem.
Social class is important but not an insurmountable hurdle. Education, morals, ethics, and beliefs can all play a big part in a couple's compatibility. Not only that, "blue collar" and "white collar" aren't confined to single classes anymore. If people don't like a guy because he's an electrician, they are pretentious snobs. If they don't like him because he can't sit at the dinner table without farting and swearing, then you have a bigger problem.
LOL, I have a relative who you could say "married up" - to a woman with an advanced degree who comes from a well-off, well-educated and super-functional family. They welcomed my relative - an electrician with an *ahem* colorful past - with candy and roses, basically. I love his wife's family; they are such good people with such clear-eyed vision. They could have dismissed him as a working-class thug, but they realized how much he's overcome and what it took to accomplish all that he's done with his life. They understand that he adores their daughter and has devoted all his efforts into building a life with her. I remember the day of her wedding shower, when they were gushing to me and another relative about how wonderful he is, and I remember feeling so happy and relieved that they understood just how amazing he is, even if he doesn't have any college degrees or family money. He's built a thriving business, they have wonderful children, and the two of them are so happy together, it's kind of disgusting
This is a tricky one. I personally find I am unintentionally classist in my social circle. It is very diverse but we all generally have 4 year degrees and middle class parents. (even more strange, most of us have non divorced parents.)
At this stage people are at different income levels. From 20-30k a year to 400k a year.
All of the other "working class" friends I have had pretty much fell out of favor and we aren't close. I have a couple high school era acquaintances now (friends then).
I realize the most important thing for me is intellectual curiosity and a lifelong passion for learning. So I couldn't overcome that quality in a potential mate. My grandmother only had a 7th grade education but she was a lifelong learner and instilled that in me.
But, in my experience, it usually does not work out well for women who earn more, are more educated and come from a higher social status than their husband.
My white collar professional friend (masters degree, $150k salary) is about to marry a guy who makes $40k, has no degree...
I honestly didn't think it was going to work at all. But this manly man (firefighter) treats her like a freakin' queen, keeps her (soon to be their) home nice, cooks and cleans, brings her food when she's at work, treats her son like his own, and encourages her in her athletic endeavors (which they participate in together).
He's handsome, rugged, and the definition of a 'real man' in my eyes.
So it can work...you just got to meet the kind of guy who can handle it.
My SIL (white collar) just broke up with her white collar bf...he gave her crap for making more money and beating him in triathlons. He was even european (who who tend to associate with being more liberated). Insecure men come from all walks of life.
i work in a 'white collar field', the guy i am dating is 'blue collar'. He treats me like a queen and is the ideal concept of what i expect a man to be like. however, i am getting a hard time from some of my friends and particularly my family who believe i should "stick to people in my own class" as they say. I believe horrible people come in all social ranks, and have been treated wronged by some of those so called "white collar folks" i was sworn to date since birth. I just want to like someone who likes me for me. but does social class really matter?
I'm not sure what this white collar, blue collar nonsense is.
There's only 2 real social classes that I know of:
1) Captain Jack
2) Not Captain Jack
Let's be honest: the concern here isn't about class, it is about income. If he were a well-off man who made custom cabinetry for a living, there wouldn't be a thread. This thread is about hypergamy, not about class. In the US, when people talk about class they always mean income, with a select few northeastern type people being an exception. (For instance when Bostonians talk about class, they typically mean class not income.)
Be careful OP, if you keep fretting over this you may end up one of those 40+ never married types who swears she "just never found the right person" thanks to bad luck. You may have the right guy staring you in the face today!
I think it's more than income. She comes from a white collar background, he comes from a blue collar background. The differences can be significant or they can be minor. We don't know the dynamics of the relationship, we are all speaking in generalities. A truck driver can make over 70k(I know one that is 24 that currently does), but how much would he have in common with the accountant that made 70k or the college professor that made 80k? Typically speaking, like attracts like. There are those outliers who make it work, with someone that is unlike them in some ways, but most people tend to have better relationships with those that are most similar to them.
I think it's more than income. She comes from a white collar background, he comes from a blue collar background. The differences can be significant or they can be minor. We don't know the dynamics of the relationship, we are all speaking in generalities. A truck driver can make over 70k(I know one that is 24 that currently does), but how much would he have in common with the accountant that made 70k or the college professor that made 80k? Typically speaking, like attracts like. There are those outliers who make it work, with someone that is unlike them in some ways, but most people tend to have better relationships with those that are most similar to them.
If there were significant differences, she would have said so in her opening post. Instead everything she said about him is positive... her only complaint is his blue collar job and that her friends and family think she can do better. THAT is her biggest problem, now that I think about it. Her man doesn't pass her friends sniff test.
It can depend on the people. I have a cousin, a professor, who is married to a former grocery stocker. She said she met him working in a grocery during her undergrad. She grew up in a lower SES household. She says she feels more at ease with "lower class" people. She has still has the interests/friends and is proud of her family/upbringing.
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