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1-5 years 75%
6-20 years 70%
20+ varies but does happen. my uncle just got divorced after 40 years. Which makes no sense to me.. Your mom has her reasons. and you have no right to judge your dad. Thats their business NOT yours. Focus on your relationship with your dad seperately from your relationship with your mom.
Do you have some data to back up your "facts?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alicant310
Your relationship with your dad should NOT be guided by the terms of their marriage.
You need to see counseling if you have issue with this.
He will always be your dad and she will always be your mom respectively.
The problem is some parent do more harm then right by getting their kids involved with their marriage issues. That was the biggest no no. Im not suprised your mom took part in this.
Again, you need to see a counselor and deal with both issues respectively.
There is NO such thing as my dad was the devil and my mom was a saint.
YOU are advising someone else to get therapy? Really?
People do things for all sorts of reasons. It's a shame your parents decided to bring you up in a war zone, mine did too, but they would have had their reasons, not least of all a belief that society expected them to stay together. It's very very difficult to admit failure or rebel when you're that conditioned.
You took the words out of my mouth. That was it. Growing up in a war zone, a minefield. It doesn't help they both come from very religious, traditional families.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alicant310
Your relationship with your dad should NOT be guided by the terms of their marriage.
You need to see counseling if you have issue with this.
He will always be your dad and she will always be your mom respectively.
The problem is some parent do more harm then right by getting their kids involved with their marriage issues. That was the biggest no no. Im not suprised your mom took part in this.
Again, you need to see a counselor and deal with both issues respectively.
There is NO such thing as my dad was the devil and my mom was a saint.
If my father doesn't act right with my mother, you bet that will be taken into account. But yes, unfortunately he'll always be my dad, I can't change that. But I have eyes and ears for a thing and I know who I have to thank for being who I am today (and it's not my father for sure).
I'm 21 and my parents are finally getting a divorce after 31 years of marriage. I have a 29 year old brother as well.
My parents could never stand eachother as far as I can remember. I can't recall ever seeing anything good between them besides arguing and bickering. My father has always been a selfish sleaze who would spend thousands on himself without even speaking with my mother. He has only cared for his comfort, his cars and hanging out with his 'amazing' friends (guys in their 50s cheating with women that could be their daughters). He loves money more than anything else but only uses it to benefit himself.
My mother has devoted her life to my brother and I. She's the kind of person who doesn't care about her well-being as long as we are okay. She ran the household and was always very financially responsible. I was happy when she told me the news but surprised as well. I could never believe she would have the strength to leave the guy who happened to be my sperm donor.
How common is divorce after decades of marriage these days? The situation is kind of awkward because I'm not on speaking terms in my father and nobody around will expect them to split up after so many years.
Sorry for venting this but I would just like to hear opinions on what they call 'grey divorce' I think. If you could share any experiences, please do.
One of my childhood friend's parents got divorced after 30 years or so. We (her friends) were all completely shocked. We loved her parents and thought they were awesome together. Well, my friend and her sister said that her parents had been drifting apart for a long time and toward the end - were barely speaking to each other. They were relieved when their parents got divorced. I'm not sure what would have been better - it's not like they were fighting all the time, they just weren't talking. One of my friend's parents got divorced when she was young - and she said things were so much better after they got divorced. Her parents would scream at each other all the time and it was horrible.
I think divorced after decades of marriage is more common than it used to be - but it's still not the norm.
One of my childhood friend's parents got divorced after 30 years or so. We (her friends) were all completely shocked. We loved her parents and thought they were awesome together. Well, my friend and her sister said that her parents had been drifting apart for a long time and toward the end - were barely speaking to each other. They were relieved when their parents got divorced. I'm not sure what would have been better - it's not like they were fighting all the time, they just weren't talking. One of my friend's parents got divorced when she was young - and she said things were so much better after they got divorced. Her parents would scream at each other all the time and it was horrible.
I think divorced after decades of marriage is more common than it used to be - but it's still not the norm.
Mine were giving eachother the silent treatment in these last few years as well. They simply ignored eachother. I'm also relieved my mother is finally getting away from this situation. Nobody has to be miserable for their whole lives.
I'm sure their divorce is going to surprise a lot of people.
Mine were giving eachother the silent treatment in these last few years as well. They simply ignored eachother. I'm also relieved my mother is finally getting away from this situation. Nobody has to be miserable for their whole lives.
I'm sure their divorce is going to surprise a lot of people.
I had dinner with one of my neighbors the other night - she just got remarried to a wonderful man. Her first marriage lasted for 24 years and she was miserable. She is so much happier now - and her kids are as well. Oh - and she said that all her friends thought that she and her first husband were just the perfect couple - everyone was completely shocked that they got divorced. A lot of the things that were going on were things that she didn't feel comfortable sharing with anyone - and it was important for her for people to think they were a happy family.
1-5 years 75%
6-20 years 70%
20+ varies but does happen. my uncle just got divorced after 40 years. Which makes no sense to me.. Your mom has her reasons. and you have no right to judge your dad. Thats their business NOT yours. Focus on your relationship with your dad seperately from your relationship with your mom.
You seem to think each relationship exists in its own separate compartment, that how people treat those around them shouldn't impact your relationship with that person. I don't understand why you don't get that how people treat other people indicates their character. Granted, the OP can't have a true picture of her parents' marriage since she wasn't in that marriage, but she can certainly see how her mom's and dad's choices played out. I don't get this "no right to judge" statement. How do you determine who your friends are, if you're not making a judgement on the kind of people you want to hang out with?
I'm obviously not happy with that. She didn't have to give up on her life because of us. She should have left in the first year. It must be really frustrating to look back and see you've wasted 30 years of your life.
you dont know how different your life may have been had she divorced right after.you were born. Look up the statistics. They are quite grim.
You seem to think each relationship exists in its own separate compartment, that how people treat those around them shouldn't impact your relationship with that person. I don't understand why you don't get that how people treat other people indicates their character. Granted, the OP can't have a true picture of her parents' marriage since she wasn't in that marriage, but she can certainly see how her mom's and dad's choices played out. I don't get this "no right to judge" statement. How do you determine who your friends are, if you're not making a judgement on the kind of people you want to hang out with?
Absolutely. I can't simply pretend I don't know how people act with other people. He was always terrible with me as well. If my care had been in his hands, I'm sure I could die and he wouldn't notice.
I had dinner with one of my neighbors the other night - she just got remarried to a wonderful man. Her first marriage lasted for 24 years and she was miserable. She is so much happier now - and her kids are as well. Oh - and she said that all her friends thought that she and her first husband were just the perfect couple - everyone was completely shocked that they got divorced. A lot of the things that were going on were things that she didn't feel comfortable sharing with anyone - and it was important for her for people to think they were a happy family.
My mother was always a very discreet person as well, so she kept the fact things weren't going well a secret. She probably thought we were better with our father around. Well, she was mistaken. I just want her to have freedom and be happy again. I don't know if she knows what that is after 31 years of being stuck in the Dark Ages.
My aunt and uncle are divorcing in their thirtieth year of marriage. But to be honest, he's been a serial adulterer for years, and my aunt would have been wise to leave him well before now. It's not like it just went to **** after 30 strong years together. It was **** for a long, long time.
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