Divorce after 30 years of marriage? Rise in grey divorce? (wives, guys, cheat)
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thats the difference. Your parents arent friends. theyre your parents. You dont side side with any of them. You need to step back let them resolve their issues. You dont sit here and play devils advocate and say one parent is a saint and another is the devil. Thats stupid. Clearly mom has manipulated this situation.
It is my opinion she needs family counseling with her dad seperated from the whole situation.
take it or leave it.
Wonna be mad at dad forever ? go ahead,,good luck with that
I don't know if I'm going to be mad at him forever but I don't have to like him. I couldn't care less if I never see him again.
My mum didn't manipulate anything. You aren't talking about 10 year olds. Both my brother and I are old enough to draw our own conclusions.
Knee jerk reaction would be your father is at fault. I believe it is just as much your mothers responsibility because she stayed with him. My folks split after about 18 years of marriage and I'm glad they did. My dad was not relationship material and my mom was. She found a mate in my stepfather and my dad has a few older woman that he sees but will never settle down. He knows he's not relationship material and is ok living alone.
I've told my mother several times she has a fair share of responsibility, meaning, she should have never allowed this situation to go on for so long.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nite Ryder
Alicant310,
I applaud you!!! Great common sense!! I hope what you had to say doesn't fall on the deaf ears of the OP, however, I suspect he is so angry with his father, nothing will make him listen. I guess that is to be expected when dealing with young inexperienced people that haven't suffered through life's trials and tribulations. He doesn't realize that both his father and mother are hurting because of this divorce, all he can see is his own misery...
Last year I asked my father if he was comfortable with the current situation (aka basically living apart from my mother, not speaking with eachother). He told me things couldn't be any better for him...doing what he pleases and spending money without having to speak with my mother. What a catch he was for my mother!
Do you think maybe your father is doing the same now? Or maybe he has been doing that for years?
Hmm...I can't be sure of course, it might have happened, among the millions of faults my father has, I never thought being a cheater was one of them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nite Ryder
My grandson could be saying the very same thing you are saying. If he did, he would have a distorted outlook because he is a Mama's Boy. His mother caused him to have a one sided view of his father, but after he got out of high school and into college his ideas are beginning to change. What makes you think your Mom hasn't caused you to have some of the bad feelings you have toward your Father? Is she just too perfect to do that? You see one side of the situation, as you grow older and get into a married relationship of your own you will better understand the many things that cause relationship to break down. You might even begin to understand how it can all affect the kids. I can fully understand why your father might not treat you as well as he could, don't you think he knows how you feel about him. You probably don't care how he feels, what have you done to make him proud of you.
My mother doesn't have to tell me anything. The first memories I have of my parents they were arguing. They always fought right in front of me and my brother. My father never even made an effort to conceal the fact he hated me since I was a kid. Of course he knows how I feel about him and I want him to know I can't stand him. Have no problem with that. I don't have to make him proud of anything, he wouldn't care anyway.
Don't worry, I certainly won't marry. Nobody deserves to be this miserable over something that's completely optional.
It's just a pity they waited so long for divorce. Your father could be with a hottie right now.
Good luck to him then. A woman that gets involved with him certainly won't know what's she's getting herself into.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timing2012
You said your father's friends are doing it, your father is not sleeping with your mom, what makes you think he is not cheating?
He just doesn't come across as a cheater. He works 11 hours a day and he's mostly home the rest of the time, taking care of his cars. But even he's having affairs, that's completely irrelevant by now.
OP, I feel bad for you because you seemed to have gone through a lot of hurt. Maybe your parents will end up like the below post, and everything will be okay.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frihed89
My wife and I divorced after a 30 year marriage. As I reflect back on it, it was a tragedy that could have been avoided had we seen and understood the path our relationship was on for the last 15 or so years. That said, we both eventually found new partners and are happy. One of our three children still bears the scars of our divorce. However, we are far better at co-operating in support of our grown children than we ever used to be and both a bit surprised and happy that we will be able to do this for the rest of our lives. Our kids know this.
You can't undo the past, but you can't avoid it, either.
Sounds like your parents stayed married for the benefit of their children. I would have done the same thing, I always have said that if I were married, even if I didn't love the women anymore I would stay with her for the sake of the kids, until they turned 18 and moved out of the house.
Believe me, staying for the sake of kids is simply terrible. Do parents really believe children as young as 4 can't notice when things are wrong? I remember having a sleepover at friend's house when I was 5. I was surprised when I noticed his parents slept in the same room. I thought that was abnormal since mine had always slept in separate rooms.
My parents divorced when I was 22 after 31 years together as well.
My dad was the one who ended up leaving; my mom didn't take it well. They hadn't gotten along in years but my mom's whole identity was basically being a wife and mother - her & my dad married when she was 23 - so the idea of being alone and middle aged obviously terrified her.
I wish my parents divorced. They've been together 46 years and it has not been good for a very, very long time. I would NEVER be like them in my life
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