Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'll try to make this quick, short and to the point. (Never mind, I failed this part)
Years ago, (I was 14, she was 13, we were really young) I met this girl, we stayed in a "relationship" (I use that term with quotations because that meaning changed for us as we grew older, obviously) until we were both 18. (I'm 20 now)
Throughout the years, for the most part we stayed the same. Obviously we matured, but our basic beliefs and the way we wanted to live life (We discussed this all the time) and all that stayed the same through the years. We were always on the same page.
Our personality's matched up, we both had our faults but we were both aware about it, discussed them with each other, worked on fixing them. You know, do all the right things in a relationship. We didn't try to change each other, etc.
And we loved each other and considered each family. I don't remember a single time where any one of us ever questioned that.
The one sole thing that changed, was I decided I wouldn't be a christian any longer. I grew up around Christianity, my entire family is. And I never had a choice as a kid, I was told to become one. When I learned to make my own decisions, I decided I cannot believe in something there is no proof of. It's illogical to do so, I can't blindly follow some thousand year old book that could of been re-written at any time and has very little in the facts department.
I didn't realize that would be so important at the time. When I told her, she said she had no problem with it and that she would be here for me in case I ever wanted to be one again. We were in the relationship for the next 2 (or 1 in a half) years after that, and then one day she decided to break up with me. Came as a total shock to me, but at the time the reasons she told me seemed pretty good. (As I did say I had some faults, she pretty much listed those, and said she changed herself since we got together)
I didn't have much choice and had to accept it. I don't feel like I can force anyone to feel a certain way so I respectfully went with her decision. We kept in touch for the next months.
I could sense she still loved me, and she did. Because we kept in touch, I was able to get her to admit she still loved me a couple of times, and finally get the real reason for why she broke up with me. Even though the reasons she stated originally contributed, the MAIN reason she did so is because I wasn't religious anymore and she became more and more into her religion. She wanted to be with me despite my faults.
Long story short, the religion she became had a rule that unless I was the same religion as her we cannot be together. Period. No exceptions. She wanted to convert me, she still wanted to be with me, and was willing to give me as much time as I needed. I promised her I would research it and try, but mentioned that I would under no circumstance live a life that's a lie. If I don't truly believe in it, I wont convert and the ONLY reason I would even consider it is because it's her asking. She answered all my questions, explained the religion in her own words, and the rest I did research online. She seemed like she wantedus back together more then I did.
But, At the end, I couldn't do it. It's just not what I believe in. Ever since that day, me and her have pretty much stopped talking. But I cannot stop thinking "What If", I can't stop thinking about how great of a person she was, how such an amazing person with a clear mind, a bright mind, a good heart, a logical way of thinking, how much me and her really did love each other, how all that came to a halt because of some book thousands of years ago, that had some rule.
Hell, I still cant believe how much a person can follow something with no proof, and choose that over something that was real, in real life and was 100% not made up. I respect everyone's beliefs, and I have nothing against religion. I never talk bad about it, and am happy to see people who believe in doing good.
But how can a book tell someone who they can and cant be with??? I understand if a book said "You cant be with a murder, thief, etc" but for a book to tell someone "You cant be with a person who cherishes hes with you every day, who loves you, who will be there for years to come, who you've known for years and both of you are genuinely good people, all because he doesn't have the same faith in this book/rules" is just utter nonsense! I know it doesn't say that exactly, but that's exactly what happened in my case.
My question is, I think about it on a daily basis. Most of the time, I don't dwell on it and live my life normally. But there come days where I just cant seem to understand it and think about it way too much. Is this ever going to end? Or am I always going to question what could of been? When can I actually get over this and how do I do it?
And yes, I was in other relationships after. That didn't help me stop thinking about the above and the relationship ultimately ended because of it (I felt like I wasn't being true to the other person). My main problem is I still view her as the person I cherish and would give anything to be with. That's how I viewed her when I was with her, and how I view her now. I can't seem to change that just because she is more religious when she is basically the same exact same person she always was.
Well, you are young yet. You sound like my brother. He ended up marrying a Catholic girl and doing the conversion and all of that, but I am not quite sure it is truly what he believes.
I suppose he loves his wife enough and it is why he did it but to this day his going to church and things of the like is very...weird...to me. It is just not him. I do see where he is more settled down and I suppose that is a good thing.
I do think it is a good thing to be equally yoked. I will call my bf a "Christian with questions." He was raised as a Lutheran but at this point, he almost sounds like you, thinking the Bible could have been re-written, etc.
Sometimes we discuss religion but most of the times, I just don't get into a lot of it with him.
I imagine one day you will find a girl to love and all this will be a memory. Either that or you will convert.
Well, you are young yet. You sound like my brother. He ended up marrying a Catholic girl and doing the conversion and all of that, but I am not quite sure it is truly what he believes.
I suppose he loves his wife enough and it is why he did it but to this day his going to church and things of the like is very...weird...to me. It is just not him. I do see where he is more settled down and I suppose that is a good thing.
I do think it is a good thing to be equally yoked. I will call my bf a "Christian with questions." He was raised as a Lutheran but at this point, he almost sounds like you, thinking the Bible could have been re-written, etc.
Sometimes we discuss religion but most of the times, I just don't get into a lot of it with him.
I imagine one day you will find a girl to love and all this will be a memory. Either that or you will convert.
For now, just live your life.
Yeah that' what I'm doing. Just wondering whether there's something I can do so this doesn't annoy me on a daily basis or come to my mind. I assumed it would go away with time, but 2 years later its still here...... How much time does it take?
Yeah that' what I'm doing. Just wondering whether there's something I can do so this doesn't annoy me on a daily basis or come to my mind. I assumed it would go away with time, but 2 years later its still here...... How much time does it take?
Well 2 years is quite a bit of time..... Are you still in love with her?
Keep it moving man. Spiritual compatibility is a very important issue when dealing with relationships. Best to just find a women who shares your ideology. CONVERTING for the sole purpose of being with a spouse sounds like a recipe for diseaster. There are more non christian females out here than there are christian females. Plenty to choose from.
As far as time goes. It will get easier as you move on with your life. Find a few new friends...a new hobby....and get out and meet new people.
Keep it moving man. Spiritual compatibility is a very important issue when dealing with relationships. Best to just find a women who shares your ideology. CONVERTING for the sole purpose of being with a spouse sounds like a recipe for diseaster. There are more non christian females out here than there are christian females. Plenty to choose from.
As far as time goes. It will get easier as you move on with your life. Find a few new friends...a new hobby....and get out and meet new people.
Well 2 years is quite a bit of time..... Are you still in love with her?
love would probably be the wrong word for it right now. I have strong feeling towards her, still, yes. I'd love to be with her again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by usamathman
Keep it moving man. Spiritual compatibility is a very important issue when dealing with relationships. Best to just find a women who shares your ideology. CONVERTING for the sole purpose of being with a spouse sounds like a recipe for diseaster. There are more non christian females out here than there are christian females. Plenty to choose from.
As far as time goes. It will get easier as you move on with your life. Find a few new friends...a new hobby....and get out and meet new people.
That's part of the reason why I said no to converting. I did all those things btw, its why I'm posting about it.
That's part of the reason why I said no to converting. I did all those things btw, its why I'm posting about it.
Since you were willing to accept her religious beliefs, the ball has unfortunately been in her court. However, if you still miss her, you could still try to reach out as a good, caring friend. As she gets older, she may be less willing to follow the rule about only getting married to someone from her religion.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
