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I've always said that if I was a single mother, I'd simply dedicate myself to raising my children on my own. It would be easier and happier for them to grow up without having to adjust to a new relationship and I'd like to give them my undivided attention. If I had a partner would be just to meet him occasionally for having a bit of romance in my life every now and then, but I would never ever sacrifice my children's comfort and peace of mind for a man. I'd have my children because I wanted them and that's how they should live their whole childhood, feeling that they are totally loved, wonderful and precious human beings and the greatest gift in my life. I simply couldn't stand the idea that I'd share my life with someone who'd find my children uncomfortable sometimes or didn't love them as they'd deserve, and I'm absolutely sure that at the slightest negative remark about my children, I'd lose all feelings for that man instantly and never wanted to see him again.
So, I totally support single parents who give their all to their children, but I also understand people who need to feel that they are the number one priority in their partners' lives and this doesn't happen easily when there are children from a previous relationship and such a strong connection with an ex.
Your natural assumption that my son treats women I date like crap is incorrect as is saying that he outright disrespects another adult. Then finally you pretty much imply my son is a spoiled brat. Watch it. I haven't gone in on you or your children. Please give me the same respect.
I don't know why I have to simplify stuff for people when it's seemingly so easy to grasp for others.
Yes, any PERSON(not just women) that wants to be a part of my family is gonna be watched very closely by my very big family, on both sides. Anytime there is a new person on the block, they gotta earn their stripes and prove what type of person they are. It could be my dad, mom, brother, sister, and yes children too. Isn't that what family is supposed to do? Look out for you.
As we get older the lense in which we view life thru evolves and sometimes get tainted. Example, a sister in law of mine might not like my girlfriend simply because of some trivial thing. That is not fair. But children and how they see new people entering into the family can be very perceptive. They don't care how pretty the girl might be, or how much money she may have, or what type of job she has, how she dresses, etc etc. they can see right thru all the bs sometimes.
When you join a new job, or the military, or a sports team, or really any big group of people.....your gonna have to show and prove. People will be watching and judging as they know nothing about you. So yeah, I know the idea of actually earning something may be new to you, but that's how it works with my family for sure. Hard work(earning), Responsibility and accountability are instilled in both men AND women. Seems like those might be new ideas for you and def ones you don't like as I can tell by your tone.
You said that your son is hard on any woman you date and makes them earn their place. Judging by that statement it would appear that your son treats the women you date badly. Also, a tone is hard to judge on a forum. When I dated people, it was not up to my family to determine whether or not they had earned a place in my life; it was up to me. Most people are not going to work that hard to be a part of someone's life. I always had more of a take me or leave me attitude, and I love my stepson very much.
Last edited by Georgianbelle; 08-27-2015 at 08:29 AM..
I never wanted any myself and really don't want someone else's.... I'm not that crazy about kids either. Don't mind being near them out in public, but don't want to live with any. I also always hear "my kids come first" on profiles..... well that's the way it should be, but I don't always want to be "second".... lol.. I also want a woman I can have fun with and do things together including plenty of intimacy... one on one without kids getting in the way... I know it's not easy, but I am in several growing child-free groups on facebook and keep running ads on craigslist for child-free women hoping a woman searching for a child-free man will see it.
That's pretty much my take on it as well.
wkw, keep the faith. There are quite a few women out there who want the same thing you do.
Why are kids a deal-breaker for you? I notice this more with men who won't date single mothers, although it can happen with women not dating single dads as well. Is it because the kids themselves drive you nuts and you don't like having them around? Or is it for financial reasons, because you fear that your significant other would guilt you into helping financially support a kid who is not yours? Or is there some other reason i have not thought of?
All are correct.
I am not a single father because I don't have kids. I don't want kids right now as a child would not be easy on me financially. I'm not going to have a kid (or support someone else's) and struggle financially just so I can be like "well, I've got a kid... uhhh...."
I'm sure there are single moms that I could date, but it depends so much on maturity. With a single mom over 30 there's a better chance that she's got her life together but went through a breakup of a LTR. However, I'm 27, so I usually date my age and younger. Young single moms (under 25 and some over) just come off as bad decision makers. This is not the case every time, there are plenty of exceptions, but every one that I know thought they found the perfect man and tried to rush marriage/kids/family life on some clown working part time on minimum wage at 19-22 years old. I don't want to be that idiot's second (but not last) support network.
It's unfair of me to assume all or even the majority of young single moms are like this, but when the 7 I can think of off the top of my head were obviously in some fantasy land leading up to having their child and are now smacked with reality (living with parents, broke, jobless) I just don't see why I'd roll the dice on that. The odds of a single mother, or any mother for that matter, under 25 having their life together is pretty low. I didn't know one girl who got pregnant at a 4 year college and all the most successful women I know are over 30 or they are under 30 with no kids.
Also there are way too many single moms who push the "we're a package deal!" rhetoric on their dates. So, in other words, I have to commit to you both before knowing either of you? It just comes off as "you're going to support us both, let's do this quick before you realize why I'm a single mother." It's unfair to the guy. Of course the guy will be in the child's life if things work out, idiot. Let him get to know you and see if you're a good fit first.
So, in summary, I don't date single mothers because I am judgmental!
Single parents can date other single parents. The rest of us can date people without kids. It's just easier for everyone. I know there are always "exceptions", but why bother? We all have our own issues, and when we date someone we take on theirs as well. If they have kids, we take on their kids' issues and the other parent's issues. **** that. Keep it simple and save yourself the hassle. I mean, with all the people on this planet, why settle for someone with kids when you don't have to?
Where there is a single parent, there is often an ex who will be involved for the REST OF THE KID'S LIFE. It is difficult enough at times just being the second spouse with no kids involved.
And if the two exes are being mature about things, the fact that they are exes won't enter into it. My brother and his ex-wife are like that. It's all about their two sons, who are now 18 and 16 and were 6 and 4 when they split and divorced. Completely congenial. She's even on my Facebook and Instagram list, because, bottom line, she is the mother of my nephews and that is never going to change. When her father passed away a few months ago, my parents even went to the funeral, which surprised a lot of people but, hey, she was their DIL from 1993 to 2006. Her husband (they've been married since 2008) actually kind of sort got upstaged by my brother showing up as well, because her family was pretty much surrounding my brother the whole time.
When all parties have a strong sense of maturity and perspective, it makes a lot of things in life easier to deal with.
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