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I'm very angry. But i didn't want to paint a bad picture of her because she isnt here to defend her position.
You sound like a respectable man. Even though she lied to you big time, you are still defending her. Mad props for that.
I would be very angry as well. It's a huge deception that deeply affects both of your lives, but is it worth leaving her for? I'm not the person to decide. I think some people on here are too quick to advise someone to leave their partner.
You sound like you work hard and you were looking forward to taking a vacation and spending some time on yourself and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, even with young children. Just because you're a parent doesn't mean you need to forget about all of your wants. This pregnancy is untimely but in my personal opinion, I say it just means you need to wait longer for your "me time", which is frustrating but this is life. Sh*t happens.
If you did leave your newly pregnant wife and children for her lie, I think it would be equally as ****ty as her deception.
Your wife does seem selfish. But this is still your child. I would however make her sign the papers of consent to get a vasectomy. Depending on age. I think if you want to save have your own account that she doesnt have access to. My mom liked history and culture. And my dad enjoyed both culture and fancy things. I think you should divide the vacation up. Time frame thing. Just remember she brought on all the lovely things that come with pregnancy. Lol It won't be a bed of roses. Good luck.
Screw the vacation, thats anecdotal evidence of the symptom. I don't need a vacation! But an Ivy league education gets me an ivy league job, travel shows my kids that you dont NEED barbies, its not just paris, india, africa, PERSPECTIVE! I am just afraid that if i stay with my, it enables her behavior and she continues it, and then my kids grow up thinking reality tv is the real world, I have a hard enough time getting my daughter to stop talking like the girls on disney shows and talking about being "popular".
Screw the vacation, thats anecdotal evidence of the symptom. I don't need a vacation! But an Ivy league education gets me an ivy league job, travel shows my kids that you dont NEED barbies, its not just paris, india, africa, PERSPECTIVE! I am just afraid that if i stay with my, it enables her behavior and she continues it, and then my kids grow up thinking reality tv is the real world, I have a hard enough time getting my daughter to stop talking like the girls on disney shows and talking about being "popular".
She doesn't want to be pregnant. Does she want an abortion? Would you be ok with that?
Get a vasectomy- now!
Decide if her lying, manipulation, and general irresponsibility are something you can live with. It's probably not going to get any better. Maybe counseling would help. Good luck.
You sound like a respectable man. Even though she lied to you big time, you are still defending her. Mad props for that.
I would be very angry as well. It's a huge deception that deeply affects both of your lives, but is it worth leaving her for? I'm not the person to decide. I think some people on here are too quick to advise someone to leave their partner.
You sound like you work hard and you were looking forward to taking a vacation and spending some time on yourself and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, even with young children. Just because you're a parent doesn't mean you need to forget about all of your wants. This pregnancy is untimely but in my personal opinion, I say it just means you need to wait longer for your "me time", which is frustrating but this is life. Sh*t happens.
If you did leave your newly pregnant wife and children for her lie, I think it would be equally as ****ty as her deception.
I can't "leave" my children. Its not "me" time. I want to share these things with my family, if I could afford it, i would pay for every one of you posters to come with me. To learn and live and laugh together, I fear that being so intimately incorporated into another person that doesn't want the same things will postpone things indefinitely. I fear loss of control in my life, I don't like that the person that I love the most using so little effort to derail an enormous effort on my part.
She doesn't want to be pregnant. Does she want an abortion? Would you be ok with that?
Get a vasectomy- now!
Decide if her lying, manipulation, and general irresponsibility are something you can live with. It's probably not going to get any better. Maybe counseling would help. Good luck.
Morally, abortion is not a problem for me, and I could coerce her into getting it done, but it would DESTROY her. I cannot do this to her. She doesnt want to be pregnant in the way that someone doesnt want to fail an exam.
Wow, what a tough spot to be in. I would be furious and contemplating a lawyer given the facts in evidence. Not just the lie, but the apparent complete lack of self-reliance on her part.
That said, let me just throw that out there. My first wife and I were done after two sons. We had a lovely little family and were planning our life around that scenario. Then six months after our second son was born we found out she was pregnant again. That threw us for a loop. Fifteen months after our middle son was born our youngest entered the world. I cannot imagine a world in which that amazing young man does not exist.
So yes it was not planned. Yes it turned our lives a bit upside down, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
The worst part is if you decide to leave her over her deception, you'll be paying lots for child support and alimony because you've spoon fed her the last decade. I'd cut her loose because her work ethinic is clearly not in line with yours and she is holding you back in many ways. I know a few people (men and women) who have divorced their mates because their spouse wasn't living up to expectations.
Having an unplanned 3rd child wouldn't bother me so much, but obviously her deception would kill me. Trust is gone. I'd second guess everything she said. I would honestly have a paternity test done.
So, she lied, was irresponsible, you're upset, but defending her ... What's the question again? Or are you just venting?
Angry or not, I have to do what is right and best. Not venting really, i truly want the perspective of others. I do not think defending is the right word, its just that you guys have such little information.
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