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I'm curious OP, do you masturbate? You're assuring us that you can change yourself if the right guy is patient enough to get over the very high bar that you are setting.
That is what I am thinking. Get to know each other, date, have an engagement period, a wedding. And THEN she is going to start the rest of her life exploring, which initially is getting over her aversion to kissing. I don't think it is fair to the guy to tell him the issue is strictly a moral one.
Exchanging saliva will be the least thing you do with bodily fluids after marriage..... I'm wondering if any of those things gross you out also?
I imagine that when you love someone, you make those concessions and enjoy pleasing them and growing together as one. I just want to do it within the confines of marriage.
I am sure you know more about your actual feelings on being intimate with someone than us speculating.
Yet, I have to agree with some of the posters here, that you talk about it in a curious fashion. It's not wrong to be grossed out by French kissing, but you seem to think you can just "change yourself" once you are married. That may not be so easy to do. You do not sound like you have any anticipation of excitement for actually developing an intimate relationship. It sounds like you view it as a "business expense" for being married. I think that is why people wonder if you may be asexual.
Intimacy is a messy business. There are fluids that are not kept neatly packaged up in their usual places during those times.
I am in no way telling you to abandon your morals. Just be sure you know yourself well, am honest with yourself, and your potential partner! If you convince yourself you will be ok with something after marriage when deep down you know you won't, it will become a problem!
PS, I say so due to an anecdote I will share. My wife has a female friend who felt somewhat like you did. Against pre-marital sex, and intimacy. Kind of shied away from kissing. She did find an understanding man whom she married. However, once married, she still couldn't have sex/intimacy! Literally, she could not bring herself to do it. Even with trying counseling, it was a no-go and she ended up divorced. Somehow, she married again and SAME THING HAPPENED. She is on her third marriage, is happy, and has a child, so she was able to overcome this. However, her adversion did cause a LOT of problems.
Not saying you do have any sort of problem or anything like that anecdote. Just be sure you know yourself and stay honest with yourself.
"Mary," your posts are, shall we say, unbelievable. I think Inebriated Duck called it correctly in post #83.
I imagine that my posts are unbelievable. A person who sets their own rules and manages to think for themselves, (independent of societal views and mainstream media) must be a troll indeed!
I imagine that my posts are unbelievable. A person who sets their own rules and manages to think for themselves, (independent of societal views and mainstream media) must be a troll indeed!
So you think that anyone who lives their life differently than you does so only because they can't think for themselves? Interesting.
Mary, thinking for yourself would have meant paying a Craigslist handyman $30 (you were ready to spend money on tools, right?) to put your shelves together, rather than badgering an ex-boyfriend about it. If that's a man job to you, get a new man and ask him.
Last edited by JustJulia; 01-16-2013 at 01:53 PM..
Reason: typo
I am sure you know more about your actual feelings on being intimate with someone than us speculating.
Yet, I have to agree with some of the posters here, that you talk about it in a curious fashion. It's not wrong to be grossed out by French kissing, but you seem to think you can just "change yourself" once you are married. That may not be so easy to do. You do not sound like you have any anticipation of excitement for actually developing an intimate relationship. It sounds like you view it as a "business expense" for being married. I think that is why people wonder if you may be asexual.
Intimacy is a messy business. There are fluids that are not kept neatly packaged up in their usual places during those times.
I am in no way telling you to abandon your morals. Just be sure you know yourself well, am honest with yourself, and your potential partner! If you convince yourself you will be ok with something after marriage when deep down you know you won't, it will become a problem!
PS, I say so due to an anecdote I will share. My wife has a female friend who felt somewhat like you did. Against pre-marital sex, and intimacy. Kind of shied away from kissing. She did find an understanding man whom she married. However, once married, she still couldn't have sex/intimacy! Literally, she could not bring herself to do it. Even with trying counseling, it was a no-go and she ended up divorced. Somehow, she married again and SAME THING HAPPENED. She is on her third marriage, is happy, and has a child, so she was able to overcome this. However, her adversion did cause a LOT of problems.
Not saying you do have any sort of problem or anything like that anecdote. Just be sure you know yourself and stay honest with yourself.
Yes, it will take work (lots of it). I'm aware of this, but I think it's just a matter of meeting and marrying the right person who is understanding, and extremely patient.
I know this is the internet, but it's still odd that you feel it's ok, to ask such a personal question to a complete stranger.
Odd?
You're the one who said exchanging saliva was icky.
You're the one who said that you're not asexual.
You're the one who said "but I can change myself so I can enjoy it."
I think it's an incredibly pertinent question.
If you masturbate, there may--just may--be hope for your future significant other.
If you don't, you need to wear a flashing sign that says "RUN AWAY NOW! Because even if you make it over the high bar you're going to be horribly disappointed."
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