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Dr Clean, it seems to me that you write in "text speak" in an attempt to appear more youthful. It seems a bit transparent and slightly desperate to me, but of course if you are getting the results you desire, my opinion doesn't matter. Someone similar to you wrote me once, and I responded that since he had a nice profile, I could not understand why he approached me as though he were a functional illiterate. He responded with a dissertation - using excellent grammar - on why he initially wrote me that way. I only want to date authentic people, so dumbing yourself down because "everyone does it" or to appear younger and more relevant is an automatic disqualified for me.
Dr Clean, it seems to me that you write in "text speak" in an attempt to appear more youthful. It seems a bit transparent and slightly desperate to me, but of course if you are getting the results you desire, my opinion doesn't matter. Someone similar to you wrote me once, and I responded that since he had a nice profile, I could not understand why he approached me as though he were a functional illiterate. He responded with a dissertation - using excellent grammar - on why he initially wrote me that way. I only want to date authentic people, so dumbing yourself down because "everyone does it" or to appear younger and more relevant is an automatic disqualified for me.
Of course, I can see how others may think that way but I'm not gong to change people's perception and opinion not matter what i say, especially when it comes to a dating preference of younger women. And my goal is really to be able to connect and effectively communicate with others in my personal life. That's all, and IMHO that's also the goal of effective communication: expressing your thoughts in a manner where the method and style of delivery does not interrupt the message. Believe me, I can spot a split infinitive like it glows, but it does me no good to focus on it instead of the message. And obviously that includes using some judgment in tailoring your message to your intended audience.
Of course, I can see how others may think that way but I'm not gong to change people's perception and opinion not matter what i say, especially when it comes to a dating preference of younger women. And my goal is really to be able to connect and effectively communicate with others in my personal life. That's all, and IMHO that's also the goal of effective communication: expressing your thoughts in a manner where the method and style of delivery does not interrupt the message. Believe me, I can spot a split infinitive like it glows, but it does me no good to focus on it instead of the message. And obviously that includes using some judgment in tailoring your message to your intended audience.
But I didn't say anything about your desire to date younger women, nor do I have a problem with it. I said you are desperately trying to appear youthful. I know quite a few men who date women 10+ years younger who don't have to resort to your tactics. They are themselves, do not dumb themselves down, and as a result they still get their pick of women. Your way just seems sad to me, you have no confidence in the real you.
PS - so I am right, you do send messages that way to appear more youthful.
But I didn't say anything about your desire to date younger women, nor do I have a problem with it. I said you are desperately trying to appear youthful. I know quite a few men who date women 10+ years younger who don't have to resort to your tactics. They are themselves, do not dumb themselves down, and as a result they still get their pick of women. Your way just seems sad to me, you have no confidence in the real you.
You have to recognize the fact that you are making assumptions solely based on what you think I am all about and what I've posted. I sent another CD female (younger) poster a link to my profile on one of the dating sites and she responded that she could total see how I was able to carry off dating younger women and her inititial impression was that I was this tall older white haired guy with glasses. And I pride myself in having a completely different professional demeanor than that in my personal life. So despite what you may believe, I don't dumb myself down. That's just not me. But again I can see where you may think that. As far as having no real confidence in who I really am, honesty, people who know me tend to think I have ballz of steel when it comes to confidence. I don't want to divert this thread to another topic, but as you know confidence makes meeting women a whole lot easier, along with all the other traits and characteristics of a man at the top of his game and career.
Thanks OngleNYC, I like chatting with you but game time! gotta decide who im gonna root for, love both teams equally and this has to be one of the best match ups in my adult life. ttyl
Last edited by Dr. Clean; 02-03-2013 at 03:18 PM..
okay, here's a post-superbowl thought: why is this not any different from military acronyms, doc speak, and business jargon????
we accept those becomes it achieves certain objectives within a certain scope of defined activities. seems we could do the same with text-speak.
P.S: btw OngleNYC, I don't agree that my text speak is purposely intended to speak more youthful, it's intended to connect with people i want to meet/hang out with, just so happens that it includes a more youthful crowd at times (collateral effect/secondary unintended impact).
Last edited by Dr. Clean; 02-03-2013 at 10:39 PM..
For those of you who have tried or are currently trying the wonderful world of online dating, how much does spelling and grammar matter to you?
Would it be considered a dealbreaker if a potential match couldn't string together a coherent sentence?
How about that first message? If it's mangled or ridiculous (ex: hey how r u) do you reply as you normally would, do you read the profile first and then make a decision or do you roll your eyes and ignore?
For me, writing a well crafted (though not necessarily long or detailed) first message is extremely important. I'd dare say it's like showing up to your first date groomed and smelling nice. It presents you at your best and shows the person you're messaging that you are truly interested and not just emailing hundreds of randoms hoping one will respond.
I started thinking about this because I received this messages a while back:
hey sexxy, u seem really cool i d like 2 get to no u so check out my profile n if u wanna chat u can txt me or at least msg me back. 508-000-0000 hope i hear from you soon hun.....
That is verbatim, barring the phone number, as a first message. What would you think of that? This was a 32 year old man, by the way.
Yes, it is important. It's both a best-foot-forward thing, and a good predictor of intellectual compatibility with me.
I'm a former editor; I know the difference between a couple of typos, someone who legitimately does not have good command of written English, and someone who simply has made a stylistic choice that contributes to him coming off like a fool.
Everyone has their dealbreakers. Someone I am involved with being reasonably well-spoken and well-written is something that happens to be important to me.
I wouldn't message the sender of the message above back, but the idiotic text-speak is only a small part of the reason why.
I guess it just comes down to personal writing styles... I can't stand people that take a ton of shortcuts because it makes you sound like a lazy 14 year old girl. It's just a personal pet peeve which shows me that if you're not going to take the extra 2 seconds it takes to type out a full word, what else are you going to take a short cut on?
As for 'never getting a woman into bed' using proper grammar and spelling, one of the reasons I was drawn to the guy I went out with a few days ago was that he used very proper English while messaging me. It was refreshing, to say the least
Oh, and I'm 29. My brother is 20 and he's the same way regarding text messages and emails.
A MAJOR part of the reason my SO and I even progressed to date one was due to the fact that both of us found it so refreshing to be communicating with someone who was fine with coming off like an educated, literate adult, versus a teenager with a parent-purchased smartphone, cramming in texts between reality shows.
I'm of the "How R U" generation. I just don't choose to communicate like someone who is lazy/doesn't know any better. Writing might be a stylistic choice, but like many stylistic choices in many other venues and arenas of life, not all are flattering or wise. Not everyone who is a part of the "youthful crowd" that posters like Dr. Clean profess to prefer to socialize with is a person who can't string together a decently written sentence. It's not about formality. One can write VERY informally and incorporate a fun or relaxed tone, and still use standard spelling and punctuation. "OK rite me bck holla k" is not the only way to make one's written communication appear "un-stuffy."
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