Bf cheated and I sort of got back at him (date, man)
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You cannot rationalize your actions because he made mistakes in the past. You both are in the wrong equally as much the only difference is he hasn't caught you yet. Just because you didn't have sex doesn't make you any less of an offender either. Cheating is cheating. Its the emotional baggage associated with cheating that hurts your partner not the act itself.
If I were you I would come clean and tell him that you made a mistake too and that you were in a sensitive time, etc. If you two have cheated on each other already you need to analyze if the relationship is even worth it. It seems to me like you two just shouldn't be together.
I thik the ONLY REASON u even got with Joseph is because u were feeling bad that ur BF could just cheat on u so easily, so to make urself feel better, u went and "fooled around" with an old flame.... just so u could (in ur head) feel relief from the sadness of being cheated on. I think you messing around satisfied you in the sense that u felt like u got revenge on ur BF for cheating on u. . . u got him back. even tho he doesnt know... but in ur head u know.....and it provides u with the tiniest grain of relief.... like "well, if he can cheat...than I can damn well cheat too" type of mentality. . . I'm still desireable, I've still got it and if need be I can find another man.. That's ur thought process I feel.
Correct. We're still chatting on facebook. Though I created a different user name there so my bf doesn't see it. He doesn't know I have a different hotmail email too.
I guess this is with us. I'm would never be dumb to leave an inbox open nor communicate on the account my bf knows and at least Joseph is trusted (he would never rat me out, we used to get along too as friend in high school though he fell the same way towards me back then).
This is NOTHING to be proud of.
It doesn't matter what your BF has done. Let's look at what YOU are doing.
You're lying.
You've cheated.
You're still cheating emotionally with Joseph by talking with him and making "secret" plans to keep each others' "secret" behind your BF's back.
You're hiding things.
You're sneaking around.
And guess what: You didn't just "lose your mind" a little bit that day with Joseph. You went there of your own free will and stayed. And liked it! Which is fine, but YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS.
Just break up with your BF already and be a person with integrity.
Can this relationship still work out? He cheated 7 months ago but I'm still hurt about it. He has shown remorse and does wants this to work.
Now here is a different issue: At some point, I reconnected with an old high school crush (Joseph) online but then we started talking more often. Anyways I didn't have sex but did some other things and this happened just last month. Though I like him, I'm going to work on my relationship. He doesn't know and will never find out. Joseph knows the situation too but won't tell and yes we're still talking on facebook sometimes. Though we've made it clear there won't be any intimate contact no more, just as friends.
I still love him but I'm still hurting at the same time. I keep wondering why he didn't have any self-control if he claims to loving me.
I'm still having a hard time getting over everything I imagine he did with the other woman. Sometimes it makes me not even want to kiss him. Currently, I'm making him work on getting my trust back.
If your bf/gf cheats on you, but then somehow you both decided to work out but you cheat back, do they even deserve to know this? I'm really not planning on saying a word about this Joseph thing. Like mentioned at least I didn't went all the way with him.
First things first. Cut off all contact from Joseph if you are truely serious about trying to fix your current relationship.
There are many reasons for this, but mainly you need to remove the temptation that is Joseph.
Honestly, even though it has been 7 months since your bf cheated, you still seem to be unable to get past/forgive/ whatever it takes to move past it. You are kind of torturing yourself, and you might be better off breaking up.
It sounds like you are leaning on Joseph for emotional support/ and you may be 'emotionally cheating' on your current bf.
Me personally; If I ever get cheated on, the relationship MUST end. IME, it is just too much to overcome. But some people can handle it, and that is ok. I just know how I am wired.
All your cheating has done is to ensure that you will never, ever trust him again. You have introduced more dishonesty into your relationship, and that poison will never go away.
It doesn't matter what your BF has done. Let's look at what YOU are doing.
You're lying.
You've cheated.
You're still cheating emotionally with Joseph by talking with him and making "secret" plans to keep each others' "secret" behind your BF's back.
You're hiding things.
You're sneaking around.
And guess what: You didn't just "lose your mind" a little bit that day with Joseph. You went there of your own free will and stayed. And liked it! Which is fine, but YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS.
Just break up with your BF already and be a person with integrity.
I thik the ONLY REASON u even got with Joseph is because u were feeling bad that ur BF could just cheat on u so easily, so to make urself feel better, u went and "fooled around" with an old flame.... just so u could (in ur head) feel relief from the sadness of being cheated on. I think you messing around satisfied you in the sense that u felt like u got revenge on ur BF for cheating on u. . . u got him back. even tho he doesnt know... but in ur head u know.....and it provides u with the tiniest grain of relief.... like "well, if he can cheat...than I can damn well cheat too" type of mentality. . . I'm still desireable, I've still got it and if need be I can find another man.. That's ur thought process I feel.
That's how I was feeling at first. In my mind I was like Well if he could have easily found it somewhere else and for sure was having fun, so can I. But when I was with Joseph that day, it was a different feeling. I wasn't think about my bf and I felt valued; that feeling of being wanted and he seemed to understand me when I told him about his cheating. Yes, I have talked about my bf and some other deep stuff to him recently. It's like I can trust him.
Can this relationship still work out? He cheated 7 months ago but I'm still hurt about it. He has shown remorse and does wants this to work.
Now here is a different issue: At some point, I reconnected with an old high school crush (Joseph) online but then we started talking more often. Anyways I didn't have sex but did some other things and this happened just last month. Though I like him, I'm going to work on my relationship. He doesn't know and will never find out. Joseph knows the situation too but won't tell and yes we're still talking on facebook sometimes. Though we've made it clear there won't be any intimate contact no more, just as friends.
I still love him but I'm still hurting at the same time. I keep wondering why he didn't have any self-control if he claims to loving me.
I'm still having a hard time getting over everything I imagine he did with the other woman. Sometimes it makes me not even want to kiss him. Currently, I'm making him work on getting my trust back.
If your bf/gf cheats on you, but then somehow you both decided to work out but you cheat back, do they even deserve to know this? I'm really not planning on saying a word about this Joseph thing. Like mentioned at least I didn't went all the way with him.
women can't behave like men and expect to still be respected or called a lady. once you decided to destroy your relationship you should have told him. so both of you can move on
So what? You seem extremely immature and vindictive. As wrong as he was, you probably don't deserve him.
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