Would you consider this cheating? Am I overreacting? (girl, loving, therapy)
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sounds like they had some drinks and things almost got out of hand
in the total picture....since he's had no contact whatsoever, give him the benefit of the doubt..
and can go over the "what ifs" in your head til you scream, not going to change a damn thing,, you have to make a decision, are you better off, with him, or without him??
if it is with him...then let it die..
your own insecurities, and putting a rain cloud over your marriage..
if the roles were revered, and I'm you,,,knowing that its a crisis situation everywhere,,,and everyone is on edge,,
id let this go,,,if your hubby hasnt been a cheater,,,then let it go..
everyone has a weak moment,,i dont care who you are,,not worth detroying everything
This is the best.
Like he said, you can go through every scenario your heart desires.. but who knows. Any person with any type of imagination can make ANY situation into an affair. Remember that.
"great, encourage her to break up her family over something that any mature woman should be able to deal with"
A) Grow some gonads and sign your name, chickenchit.
B) Get real. The man cheated on her, and then has the nerve to imply something is wrong with HER for being angry about it. Hell YES she should get rid of him. He's a deceitful POS. Good riddance to him.
P.S. You sound just like him. "A mature woman should be able to deal with." You're a scuzzbucket, too.
lilac for president. This lady makes a lot of sense
how do u know for sure he hasnt contacted her.. have u checked all the numbers he calls..? did u know the 2 other people who were in the house with your husband and that woman? can u contact any of them and see what they have to say?
One of my female relatives went to a marriage counseling. She told all of us that "Well, the therapist/counselor's advice for the fellow men and women is simply this
If there are Affairs / abuse / addiction in a marriage, then breaking up / divorces are totally justified.
Also, look at the person's behavior PATTERN. One incidence perhaps is not reason enough to divorce.
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Look at OP's husband's behavior pattern. This is a man fights with OP because of HIs mother, because of HER poor child who has autism, who wake up on other woman's bed because of poor coping skills. OP gave his many chances already. Not to say it is all his fault, but he is not all that great to worth keeping in my most humble opinion.
He had an affair (especially an emotional one), he was abusive (couldn't even accept an autism child) I guess he is such a keeper and he is certainly God's gift to all women
This isn't just some relationship that you can break off with no strings attached, you're married and have kids.
Hmm, yeah. He should have thought about that before he crawled into bed with another woman. He should have remembered that he's married and has kids.
But it's not just about that. It's the fact that he's trying to add insult to injury. That signifies a HUGE lack of not only remorse for what he did, but respect for his marriage and his family.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981
One of my female relatives went to a marriage counseling. She told all of us that "Well, the therapist/counselor's advice for the fellow men and women is simply this
If there are Affairs / abuse / addiction in a marriage, then breaking up / divorces are totally justified.
Also, look at the person's behavior PATTERN. One incidence perhaps is not reason enough to divorce.
----------------------------------------
Look at OP's husband's behavior pattern. This is a man fights with OP because of HIs mother, because of HER poor child who has autism, who wake up on other woman's bed because of poor coping skills. OP gave his many chances already. Not to say it is all his fault, but he is not all that great to worth keeping in my most humble opinion.
He had an affair (especially an emotional one), he was abusive (couldn't even accept an autism child) I guess he is such a keeper and he is certainly God's gift to all women
in this situation, the OP wouldve had to fly herself and her 3 kids out of the state and almost across the country. the OP herself was dealing with her own issues..
her father getting a major surgery and (there was a chance he wouldnt come out of it alive)
her finding a lump in her breast and needing a mammography asap (high risk of cancer in familys background)
3 children to take care of and pack for and all the other responsibilities that come with children and more work due to having to travel.
the OP wasnt in a frame of mind to go with her husband to the funeral. what IF, while she was mad at the arguments she and her husband had for not asking her about her mammography or father, she runs into an old friend in the hospital waiting room and they hit it off (casually) and he understands what she is going thru because her old friend knew her dad. and they enjoy a day out and later he comes to her house and he sleeps in her bed after a long nite of talking.
most would agree that she acted reckless towards the commitments in her marriage and they would say that she should not have gotten mad at her husband for the argument, and they would say that in someway, she was using the old friend as a way to get back at her husband. they will just say that she shouldve understood.
how come the husband doesnt have to understand that the wife was upset about the things going on in her life. how come the husband doesnt have to ask his wife how she is doing. i understand his mom died but still. he couldve said a quick
"hello how r u doing, how are the kids?"
its sad that his mom died and it is horrible to lose a family member it really is.. but it doesnt mean he has to lose his compassion too..
its funny how he didnt lose his compassion towards that other girl. just sayin.
still waiting for others to answer these very good questions!!!
quit blaming the op already. This lady did nothing wrong!
matter of fact, any men in the right frame of mind would be proud to have her as a wife. She is understanding, knows her boundaries (even finding a lump in her breast has not prevent her from going to her loser husband's mom's funeral)
OP, I wish you married my brother! There are good men out there will appreciate you and spoil the hell out of you. You sound like a great lady!
hey somebody just commented to one of my posts that i wrote on here about when i asked the OP if she could talk to the other people who were there that nite with the husband and woman. ..
and by nooo means was i trying to add wood on the fire or anything.. i should have stated that in the post because the reason i asked her that is because the OP sounds like maybe she needs some sort of closure to forget about what happened that night.
maybe if she talks to someone who was there they may tell her that nothing happened and she could forget. maybe if she contacted the actual woman, and the woman telling her herself that nothing sexual happened between them then that would ease the OP's mind.
but on the other hand, they could very well tell her that something did happen. she could let it go today. and not think about it anymore. deem this a true mistake, a lack of good judgement and character on his part and maybe forgiving could be the best thing.
BUT, whos to say the Husband wont find another reason to cheat/be in a position to cheat with someone else at some other time?:
he already blamed his wife for him talking to that woman by saying that he couldnt talk his own wife because she didnt get along with his mom.
what happens if the op and her husband hadnt had sex for a while?... and he goes and has sex with some other woman? and he tells her some story that he was sad and that the woman he had sex with was there for him and he really needed that?
oh and the best is that he tells her that she should be mad if they had sex but he didnt so she shouldnt be mad.
any woman who finds out that her husband slept in a bed with another woman has every right to be mad. if it was the other way around, some people would be calling the woman names and stuff but since the man did it, the woman should just suppress all that anger because what hes telling her is true or because she should "just let it go".
the thing is, the husband didnt tell the OP that it happened, she had to hear it from somebody else. that makes it even worse. and then its after the wife finds out what happened does he tell her sorry....Totally unrelated, but do you think Michael Vick was really sorry for what he did to those poor dogs? NO, he was only "sorry" when he got caught.
OP, u need time to sort your feelings and u might want to try to get another counsellor if u feel that the one u have now isnt helping. trust takes a long time to build and a second to be destroyed. u and your husband may need to start all over again and see if anything reignites. u married each other for a reason.. is that reason still there?. if not, try to find it if u want to stay in the marriage. everything else will find its place.. the worries the doubts the what ifs, they will all find its place behind u guys.
but if u cant forget and ure gut tells u he cheated and u cant be with someone who has cheated on you then there is nothing wrong with divorce. it doesnt make u a failure or prove any sort of unworthiness. divorce is a legal term and it doesnt define u or anyone else for that matter.
[In conjunction with Post #31] There's been quite a bit of advice/insight/comments from others here; hopefully some of it's useful in your situation & whatever is not constructive/productive for you is overlooked/ignored. The only ones who have a direct vested interest in your marriage = you & Hubby.
Some times expectations collide with reality, the gap can narrow or widen based on levels of acceptance/tolerance. I am aware of a marriage where the irreconcilable difference = no cap on the tube of toothpaste = divorce; I am also aware of a marriage where the reconcilable difference = long-term affair resulting in a child = ending of affair & rebuilding of marriage.
The experiences/perceptions on this particular board are varied & diversified along the entire 'Relationship' spectrum [ie. Meeting, Dating, Unmarried, Children/No Children, etc...]. If you think it would be more beneficial to be involved with a board specific towards rebuilding or dissolving marriages, please PM/DM me for the link. I completed my studies a few years ago, I'm not able to confirm whether or not anyone currently there is gong through the exact situation as you [multiple stressors]; I can confirm people there are dealing with varying crises adversely affecting their marriages.
Be mindful of what you throw away, be careful of what you push away, and think hard before you walk away.
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