How does someone gets used for sex? (man, child, attractive)
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The naive and inexperienced can be used, as they have no basis to question lies and manipulation. Everyone else should be aware of the risks, but some are wilfully blind out of hope - they too can be used, but aren't total innocents. Cyborg makes some interesting points, though. Anyway, human nature being what it is, there are always going to be unethical people who will use whatever means at their disposal to get something they want, whatever the cost to their targets. Don't forget that men can be used for sex as a means to lure them into a relationship.
The only way a woman can be PLAYED is if she's having sex for any other reason than the pleasure it brings!
If she feels like having sex then sex is what she gets, despite any made up feelings or promises...she got exactly what she wanted.
When you use sex as a weapon or commodity you set yourself up for being OUTPLAYED....yes OUTplayed...because YOU are the one PLAYING! You got got outplayed so now you cry!
It's like sitting at the poker table...everyone is out to bluff the other players...if you're the one that loses it's because YOU got out-bluffed...so suck it up you weren't the best one at the table.
No one can tell you what you want to hear to get sex unless you yourself are using sex nefariously.
I disagree. What if a woman only wants to give it to someone she has FEELINGS for, in the context of a meaningful relationship, not just throw it around at any ol' fool because it feels good. He lets her think they are a serious thing, she holds it back until she really thinks he's gonna stick around, he finally wears her down making her think he cares about her, and then he breaks her heart ("Sorry, I just did it because it made my junk feel happy. You're not a person to me, just a hole. Bye now!") and now she's alone, used, and sad. She wanted a relationship, not a fling, and was told that the other person wanted the same thing, she was honest and he was not! She cared and he didn't. I call that using another person, and it happens all the time! That is a pretty one-sided game, and if anyone is being nefarious, it ain't the girl!
Perhaps I should clarify though. I'm talking about usually young, inexperienced girls who haven't yet had their hopes crushed enough times to know better. At that stage where they don't believe their parents know anything, when they say that boys only want one thing. An adult lady who has been around the block really shouldn't fall for this. And if a guy has to lie to a girl to get some action, it does make him a jerk and a loser. I don't approve of dishonesty, and I think your little "game" is garbage. Fortunately, most men grow up and get enough perspective not to act like this, too.
Perhaps I should clarify though. I'm talking about usually young, inexperienced girls who haven't yet had their hopes crushed enough times to know better. At that stage where they don't believe their parents know anything, when they say that boys only want one thing. An adult lady who has been around the block really shouldn't fall for this. And if a guy has to lie to a girl to get some action, it does make him a jerk and a loser. I don't approve of dishonesty, and I think your little "game" is garbage. Fortunately, most men grow up and get enough perspective not to act like this, too.
It is bad. Guys can use a girl and fool her to believe he wants a relationship and therefore use her for sex by being dishonest. A woman might use sex to get into a man's wallet ("acceptable prostitution") and freeload, it is as bad. But still, it's not like a man would cry because he was used for sex. Nope, he would complain he was used for his money, not sex.
^^^^^ Chapter two will be the whirlwind break-up drama!
Wow. Are people here so miserable that they can't be happy for people who found love? My husband told me he is a 1 woman man, so am I. That's why we almost broke up when he found out I was still active on POF, when we haven't even been intimate. He said marriage is forever, I believe the same. So yeah thanks for your insensitive post.
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Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
I disagree. What if a woman only wants to give it to someone she has FEELINGS for, in the context of a meaningful relationship, not just throw it around at any ol' fool because it feels good.
That's EXACTLY what I told my husband. I told him that I know most people have sex just coz they're horny. I can't do that. Feelings will always be involved if I sleep with someone. That's why weekend rendezvous ain't for me, EVER.
^^^^ I don't approve of dishonesty either but you don't seem to see that if a girl uses sex to validate herself or to get love, she's the one being dishonest and using sex as a weapon or commodity. If she doesn't know any better then perhaps she should refrain until she's mature enough to make her own decisions.
It's interesting to see how many women cry about being fooled, used, lied to and played when it comes to sex and relationships and yet claim to be equally qualified to deal with men in the boardroom and battlefield.
If they aren't able to handle their own sex lives and are such victims, perhaps they aren't really as qualified as men to negotiate as they've been claiming. So which IS it? You can't have it both ways!
^^^^ I don't approve of dishonesty either but you don't seem to see that if a girl uses sex to validate herself or to get love, she's the one being dishonest and using sex as a weapon or commodity. If she doesn't know any better then perhaps she should refrain until she's mature enough to make her own decisions.
It's interesting to see how many women cry about being fooled, used, lied to and played when it comes to sex and relationships and yet claim to be equally qualified to deal with men in the boardroom and battlefield.
If they aren't able to handle their own sex lives and are such victims, perhaps they aren't really as qualified as men to negotiate as they've been claiming. So which IS it? You can't have it both ways!
Did you not grasp that I was talking about YOUNG, INEXPERIENCED GIRLS here? I keep saying that...
This isn't something I dealt with, because I've never had a particularly innocent mentality, I grew up fast. When I got it on with a guy, even as a teenager, I knew what I was up to and owned my decision. Sure some of those might not have been the best decisions, but I'd never cry foul because I got used, because in general it didn't happen. Now I've been married 15 years, and honey let me tell you, nobody gets over on me. And I am not only the equal of men in my office, I make more than a number of 'em, and didn't have to use anyone or anything but my own knowledge and skills to get here.
However. Going through high school, it was always the sweet, trusting girls who got hurt this way by lying boys. And I DO NOT expect a teenager, IN GENERAL, to have some sophisticated boardroom savvy approach to intimacy. But the boys, at that age, are players. And they are pretty obnoxious about it. To wit, getting a girl wasted enough to forget her name, and then abusing her in ways I won't detail here...and if it happened NOW and not 1995, it would be recorded on their cell phones to be shown to their friends. This was a girl I knew from high school, whom I took in after her assault. She wouldn't call the cops because she didn't want trouble with her parents. The boys thought it was a great joke.
You gonna say that's not any kind of using?? No harm, no foul, just a game, she got outplayed?
My point is that if a girl makes it very clear what she hopes for and expects, which is a RELATIONSHIP, and the guy just wants a little action, he should be a man and come right out with it, and not try to be some kind of pimp player and lie to her to get what he wants. Just like a woman is a low piece of garbage if she isn't genuine about what she is after. And just because a man feels attraction to a woman and wants her doesn't mean she has some kind of nefarious agenda.
By the way, I've seen horrible women come into the lives of some of the nicest and sweetest men I've known and completely rake them over the coals, use them and break their hearts. And those women are just as low as the men who prey on naive little girls. All are scum, and none deserve points for successfully playing some game.
^^^^ YOU don't seem to grasp THIS: If she doesn't know any better then perhaps she should refrain until she's mature enough to make her own decisions.
For all your blathering about these anecdotal situations where the poor girl WANTS something....you seem to not grasp the simple fact that it doesn't matter WHAT it is she wants...IF SHE's USING SEX to get it...she's USING SEX!
Do you not understand that as long as someone uses one thing to get what they want they open themselves up to someone else using that information to get what they want as well? BOTH are dishonest!
Love is a risk....you're either all in and take your chances or you doom yourself to failure. How can you expect someone else to go all in if you're holding a part of yourself back?
You seem determined to make excuses for this behavior and think because it's love that she wants that it's okay to manipulate a guy to get it....yet a guy using love to get sex is dishonest...
^^^^ YOU don't seem to grasp THIS: If she doesn't know any better then perhaps she should refrain until she's mature enough to make her own decisions.
For all your blathering about these anecdotal situations where the poor girl WANTS something....you seem to not grasp the simple fact that it doesn't matter WHAT it is she wants...IF SHE's USING SEX to get it...she's USING SEX!
Do you not understand that as long as someone uses one thing to get what they want they open themselves up to someone else using that information to get what they want as well? BOTH are dishonest!
Love is a risk....you're either all in and take your chances or you doom yourself to failure. How can you expect someone else to go all in if you're holding a part of yourself back?
You seem determined to make excuses for this behavior and think because it's love that she wants that it's okay to manipulate a guy to get it....yet a guy using love to get sex is dishonest...
How is she supposed to "refrain?" That's the point, she is trying to refrain, and the boy is the one pushing and pushing. To the point where if some girls hold out and insist on a "no" answer, the guy will spread venemous rumors about her through a school. I mean, I guess if joining a convent until she was ready for marriage were an option...? So a girl is using sex to get what she wants just by being attractive to the guy? What is she supposed to do, wear a burqa? Not talk to boys?
This is the same kind of asinine logic that accuses a woman who is crying of just putting on a show to manipulate a man. As though everything a woman feels, says or does is a move in some strategy to "win." You are very out of touch with how real emotions and real relationships operate.
And besides, as I said, men can and do fall victim of being used by women, too. Sounds to me like either you have little or no experience, or too much and have been on one side or the other of many "using" situations--in other words either women have treated you bad and you're bitter/angry, or else you treat them badly with zero remorse.
All I can say is thank God that there are plenty of representatives of the male gender here on this board who reflect something a lot more genuine, normal and good. Some of 'em believe in love, respect women as people, and see past "game." Because of them, women don't give up on humanity altogether, although for some of the ladies, it's too late. The people I'm referring to on both counts know who they are.
How is she supposed to "refrain?" That's the point, she is trying to refrain, and the boy is the one pushing and pushing.
....And after all of this pushing and pushing she still doesn't recognize a d-bag? Hmmmm....we're back to her not being mature enough to even be in the situation in the first place!
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To the point where if some girls hold out and insist on a "no" answer, the guy will spread venemous rumors about her through a school.
Oh my gosh the DRAMA! So she's afraid he'll spread rumors if she doesn't have sex with him? How old are YOU? Doesn't matter, age has nothing to do with maturity!
I'll spell this out for the logic impaired.
If she thinks he'll spread rumors if she doesn't, why wouldn't she fear rumors or worse, the truth if she DOES have sex with him? Actually, either way, if she suspects this, wouldn't it be an indication that the guy is a d-bag?
Okay...come up with some more straw arguments... it won't matter! The basics are universal...if you have sex for any reason other than the pleasure of it then you ARE playing games and can and most likely will be outplayed.
Enough with the victim whining...women are either very intuitive and better than men when it comes to communication...as you all claim.
OR you're always the victim, in which case you're no match for men in the relationship world, business world and battlefield.
Pick one! You can't insist that you're equally capable as men and also claim that men are always at an advantage when dealing with you.
No one can play you if you are mature enough and smart enough to enter the game.
We get it. Cyborg doesn't believe that women can be tricked into having sex by a guy pretending to care. If it happens, that just proves that women are lesser! Really amazing logic.
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My husband told me he is a 1 woman man, so am I. That's why we almost broke up when he found out I was still active on POF, when we haven't even been intimate. He said marriage is forever, I believe the same. So yeah thanks for your insensitive post. 
