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Actually lots more guys would be attracted to her than you'd think. If you counted all the HONEST yes votes (as opposed to the boy cowards who won't admit the sexual desire they are feeling) then she'd come out as 6 or 7.
I can HONESTly say that I would not rate that woman as above average in terms of physical attractiveness.
She may be a fine human being, but I'm not remotely attracted to her physically.
You may be, that's fine. We all have different tastes.
Never had that happen to me, so I honestly cannot say.
I think there's a lot more to it than how you look, though. I want to be attracted to my partner in some way... but I don't expect him to be a GQ model. In fact, I wouldn't WANT to be with anyone that good looking.
Models are a PITA. Trust me on this. (That's right, the males aren't all gay.) The vanity got to me. That, and using my styling products without asking. And his mother. She was a model, herself, and OMG, what a horrible, materialistic, superficial woman she was. I do miss the clothes, though. Had a lot of Tommy Hilfiger, Guess, Benetton, and NO! in the 80s.
The other good thing was that it taught me early on that even the drop-dead gorgeous ones burp, fart, pick, and scratch, so a handsome face is nothing to be intimidated by. Not that you are, but a lot of other women are. You'd be surprised how many gorgeous men just don't get approached, or simply aren't players. My ex-husband only had three or four girlfriends before me, and he used to turn heads. Current guy causes swivel-neck, too, but he's Mr. Monogamous, "because I can't deal with more than one of you crazies at a time."
After reading a number of these posts, too many to read through to the end.
I now understand what I will say when rejecting a man that I am not attracted to in the future.
"Please don't take offense, it's not you, it's me. First impressions are that I am not attracted to you to continue on further with this conversation. I hope the best for what you are seeking but it's not going to be me!"
We have that ability and women should learn the ability to see the attractiveness in plain, heavy, balding men too.
Actually, what is considered beautiful by our society and other societies can be tallied up. It has been studied. These characteristics include a symmetrical face, glowing skin, physically fit, and over all healthy appearance.
The article also notes that women experience greater orgasms or greater number of orgasms with men who exhibit symmetry. So, you're coming from a unique, minority perspective.
After reading a number of these posts, too many to read through to the end.
I now understand what I will say when rejecting a man that I am not attracted to in the future.
"Please don't take offense, it's not you, it's me. First impressions are that I am not attracted to you to continue on further with this conversation. I hope the best for what you are seeking but it's not going to be me!"
Don't these sites have canned responses? They did back when I used them. If the guy sent me a form letter or made it clear he didn't read my profile, I'd send him one of those, "Thanks, but I don't think we're a good match" or some such.
If he was genuine, I'd just say "I'm flattered that you took the time to write to me, but unfortunately I don't get the sense we'd be a good match. I hope you find that gal who [wants kids/shares your religious faith/loves extreme sports/whatever it was that made me rule him out]."
Why?
People reject others on looks alllll the time. I'm sure you've rejected women based on looks, but I guess it's okay for you to do that, right?
As for rejecting, when I was on dating sites I used to send a nice 'thanks but no thanks' and got called every name in the book by 'nice' guys. I got so sick of being called rude, lewd and disgusting things, being told I was a fat cow who would die alone etc etc. that I got to the point of just ignoring those I wasn't interested in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
I think, in general, women are taught to be nice... try not to hurt feelings. So instead of saying, "I don't find you attractive" they make up an excuse to soften the blow like "oh, I am not looking for someone" even if they are... they are looking for someone, but it's not you. They don't want to be mean about it . It's not done to be mean or to "lie" it's an attempt to spare feelings.
It isn't limited to women either. Men do it with inaction... like the man who never calls. He's nice in person and even takes your number. He doesn't bluntly say, "I am not attracted to you, so don't bother giving me your number." He just doesn't call.
So very true. I've experienced this several times. Some men get extremely rude on the online dating sites when you send them the "thank you but no thank you" message that the site offers. By the same token, I've had men write to me that they would rather I not respond to them at all if I'm not interested. Personally, I would prefer the latter for myself also. They owe me nothing. However, I've also had men thank me for getting back to them by a personal short note or the site's standard message. So, it seems to be a toss up. Everyone is different. Some are secure and others are insecure with themselves.
Also, when I meet a guy and don't hear back from him after the first or second date ... or if he has an "excuse" not to see me again should I be the one to ask him out (busy, out of town, doesn't return phone call), I simply assume he's not interested in me, and I feel no need to know his "specific reason." I just don't understand guys (or women) who get so bent out of shape over this.
Last edited by smpliving; 02-20-2013 at 06:39 PM..
So very true. I've experienced this several times. Some men can get extremely rude on the online dating sites when you send them the "thank you but no thank you" message that the site offers. By the same token, I've had men (online sites) tell me they would rather I not send them any message at all if I'm not interested. Personally, I would prefer that for myself also. They owe me nothing ... I don't even know them.
Also, when I meet a guy and don't hear back from him after the first couple of dates ... or if he has an excuse not to see me again if I should ask him out (busy, out of town, doesn't return phone call), I simply assume he's not interested in me, and I feel no need to know his "specific reason." I just don't understand guys (or women) who get so bent out of shape over this ... unless they've been strung along over a prolonged period of time.
or
they had proposal brunch set up and she said no....
I doubt they want to avoid hurting my feelings because they'd think up less obvious excuses if they were really so 'kind" and "caring".
Those are girls who want to hurt but simultaneously want to appear (even to themselves) to be caring, sensitive, sweet individuals.
To be frank, I'm not even sure why you think they owe you any "excuse" or explanation. Since they don't owe you anything, they were at least decent enough to reply and give you some reason.
How does it serve you or help you reach your goals in any way, to spend this much energy analyzing and thinking about things like this, and why some people do this or that? They didn't want to date you, so what? Shake it off and go meet one who does.
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