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Old 04-06-2013, 03:30 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,686,937 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
I am exactly like you.
I've loved perhaps three men in my entire life (I am in my late 20s). I've dated too many men and I appreciate every single one of them because obviously, they are my learning experiences. I have never slept around and my sex partners have always been my boyfriends. However, commitment is a no no to me. I cannot picture myself being other people's wife or mother.

I think the ISTP test fits me as well, when I say "I do", I definitely mean "I do for now." Life is unpredictable at best. I cannot even committed to a long term cell phone contract.

I bring this up to a man I found online and he told me "Girls like you perhaps will break a lot of hearts." Come to think of it, I have never cheated on anybody and I don't plan on cheating on anybody. I have always been honest with everybody I dated, short term or long term, but I think after a while, men really want me to commit to them. I simply can not.

When I look at my friends' relationships. Some of them are very happy in a committed relationship, some of them stay in the relationship simply because they are afraid of being alone. Some of them cheat on each othehaving sex with your bf only a r and have absolutely no courage to walk out of the relationship. I guess different people have different path in life.
Isn't only shagging your bf a form of commitment? I have a difficult time being sexually faithful. For instance, I had a bit of an oral adventure while out of town recently, despite having a bf. It didn't seem like cheating to me. But he would have disagreed. No matter since we broke up right after that.
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Old 04-06-2013, 03:33 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,686,937 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
Yeah, some more introspection, perhaps.

I personally wouldn't want to be single. I just prefers to have someone in my life.

But to each their own, as they say.


I prefer having someone in my life too. That's why I am wondering about this.
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Old 04-06-2013, 03:36 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,285 posts, read 15,326,998 times
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One can have someone in their life without making a commitment.
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Old 04-06-2013, 03:37 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
39,263 posts, read 27,666,911 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by filihok View Post
One can have someone in their life without making a commitment.
example?
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Old 04-06-2013, 03:42 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,686,937 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by filihok View Post
One can have someone in their life without making a commitment.
Yes. I am wondering if this should be my goal.
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Old 04-06-2013, 03:42 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
39,263 posts, read 27,666,911 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
Isn't only shagging your bf a form of commitment? I have a difficult time being sexually faithful. For instance, I had a bit of an oral adventure while out of town recently, despite having a bf. It didn't seem like cheating to me. But he would have disagreed. No matter since we broke up right after that.
Could it be that you just haven't met the right person?

You are the perfect girl for Bill Clinton.
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Old 04-06-2013, 03:45 PM
 
Location: So Cal
52,325 posts, read 52,791,864 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
I prefer having someone in my life too. That's why I am wondering about this.
Why the short 3/4 month relationships then???

I suppose that is probably long enough to know that you don't want that particular guy.... It seems odd though to meet men and not find anyone compatible since 99, I believe you said it was.... that was a long ass time ago....

Like I posted earlier, some searching may be in order, and a little intellectual honesty with yourself may be the order of the day as well.

I'm about your age, and I think we get to a point in our lives where we start to see the world around us a little more clearly... we also start to see ourselves a bit more clearly as well....

Best of luck to you.

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Old 04-06-2013, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,285 posts, read 15,326,998 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
example?
Exhibit A
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Old 04-06-2013, 03:52 PM
 
5,653 posts, read 5,158,006 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
While bored at work yesterday, I took an online Myers Briggs personality test.
No idea what one of those is.. be right back.. aah.
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Old 04-06-2013, 03:52 PM
 
1,838 posts, read 2,024,688 times
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It seems that there are lots of men who don't want commitment, so I would think that a woman who wanted a flexible relationship could easily find a guy to agree to it. But, since you have thought up until now that you wanted a LTR, maybe you do. Maybe your lack of post-breakup sadness is self-protective and does not reflect a desire to be unattached.

I have known women who don't want to be in committed relationships, but they mostly don't date. When I started dating, I initially thought commitment wasn't terribly important to me but found, to my surprise, that I became emotionally attached and vulnerable quickly. I have made more sacrifices for relationship security and stability than I ever imagined I would. So, I have little observational or personal experience with women not wanting commitment but wanting to date.
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