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I didn't see anything in the OP that struck me as disrespectful (I am a woman so this is a female perspective). However if he has been secretly smoking then you will have to decide if the smoking is a deal breaker for you.
He has probably been hiding the smoking due to worry about how you will react. There is also the possibility that he is hiding other habits that you won't like, which may or may not be a big deal. I tend to hide how much I use my space heater because I am embarrassed by my failure to adapt to the cold in this area. Not a deal breaker for DH but he does sometimes find me hiding the heater when he gets home from work.
OP, not sure why you didn't just say this in your OP rather than telling me through a rep:
"he smoked a smokeless ciggarette that contains nicotine. I did not know he did this. We both quit smoking years ago. I wasn't sure if he was hiding this from me. All of his buddies were doing it too"
I don't know how to answer to this. For me, this isn't the end of the world. If you feel he's hiding more serious things then I suggest you sit with him and have a conversation.
Dittos!
I think you both sound really young.
I think you were shocked or surprised, he was just reacting in a drinking response.
You could calmly just bring up, "I thought you quit smoking? I didn't mean anything by my facial expression. I was just surprised that's all."
You have to not be so easily offended. He was drinking. I'm sure anyone who drinks a few have said stupid things before.
I didn't see anything in the OP that struck me as disrespectful (I am a woman so this is a female perspective). However if he has been secretly smoking then you will have to decide if the smoking is a deal breaker for you.
He has probably been hiding the smoking due to worry about how you will react. There is also the possibility that he is hiding other habits that you won't like, which may or may not be a big deal. I tend to hide how much I use my space heater because I am embarrassed by my failure to adapt to the cold in this area. Not a deal breaker for DH but he does sometimes find me hiding the heater when he gets home from work.
Wow! Really? A space heater! If that was the Least of my worries. Lol!
I think she should examine why he couldn't just tell her. Is she hard to tell things to?
Maybe a non-judgemental response would help in communication.
Oh...
"Fee Fi Fo Fum....why is it so dang hot in here woman?!"
"I-I-I was cold so I turned on-n t-t-the space h-h-heater."
Are you a woman or man? Either way, I suppose this is good advice. I guess as a woman who has never been around true "man behavior" it is a bit shocking for me. The only men in my life were the father figure types and one other boyfriend who was 10 years older than me and all of his buddies were married or pretty mature anyways.
Sounds like the comment he said not only made you uncomfortable but also his friends.
Looking in context to the situation, you felt disrespected because as his partner, you would hope to be treated with more dignity rather than be part of a crude joke.
Maybe his joke rubbed you off the wrong way, because you feel you don't quite know him like you thought you did, and cannot trust him as much because you in a way felt shamed and betrayed?
Making a joke about someone can be shaming, so maybe that's where you were hurt.
Some people like to make crude jokes thinking their crowd pleasing mentality is actually charming a group of folks, when it comes off really off-putting. Sorta like how Scott, from the Kardashians, attempts to be funny. It's just not. Calls for an instant channel click, or in your case, an eyeroll (which is totally understandable).
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