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Today I talked to a beautiful young lady who turned out to be a single mother. This fact was revealed as something rather a matter-of-factly. She seems to be my type, and I did tell her that we should get to know each other.
My gut instinct is telling me to be very cautious, but I know a number of single mothers on C-D say that they would make great partners.
...so, besides the potential financial expense that one will have to be ready to take on...
...what are the merits and pitfalls of dating single mothers?
Be prepared to pretty much expect to have to take a backseat to the child. I don't mean this to be crappy, but it is pretty much is the truth. The way it should be, actually.
Also know that most spontaneity will be gone. That last minute min vaca to Vegas might not happen if she can't line up a baby sitter... or if she even feels comfortable leaving the child alone for more than a day or two.
Having to deal with the father, sometimes that's fine, other times the dad can be a ********.
I think one of the biggest things about having children is that your needs no long matter as much.... hence one of the reason I didn't have kids... I didn't want to have to deal with the responsibility of someone else.... this isn't as applicable when you're just "dating" a woman... and to be honest, the woman shouldn't be bringing you around to meet the child unless you've been together a bit and things look like you're gonna be around.......
Best of luck to you.... cause you don't have much choice, once a woman is older than 24 or so they usually have kids... .... when I was single I couldn't meet a woman past 24 that didn't have kids already... it was bizarre when I met Mrs. Chow... she was 28, had a job no kids.... it was like finding a needle in a haystack.........
Graduating form college? So you are in your early twenties. If I were your age, I'd focus on women without kids. You are at an age where you should be able to meet plenty of them.
If you were 35 or 40, I'd give you different advice, because it would be much harder to meet women who had no children.
Be prepared to pretty much expect to have to take a backseat to the child. I don't mean this to be crappy, but it is pretty much is the truth. The way it should be, actually.
Also know that most spontaneity will be gone. That last minute min vaca to Vegas might not happen if she can't line up a baby sitter... or if she even feels comfortable leaving the child alone for more than a day or two.
Having to deal with the father, sometimes that's fine, other times the dad can be a ********.
I think one of the biggest things about having children is that your needs no long matter as much.... hence one of the reason I didn't have kids... I didn't want to have to deal with the responsibility of someone else.... this isn't as applicable when you're just "dating" a woman... and to be honest, the woman shouldn't be bringing you around to meet the child unless you've been together a bit and things look like you're gonna be around.......
Best of luck to you.... cause you don't have much choice, once a woman is older than 24 or so they usually have kids... .... when I was single I couldn't meet a woman past 24 that didn't have kids already... it was bizarre when I met Mrs. Chow... she was 28, had a job no kids.... it was like finding a needle in a haystack.........
That's a good point about whether or not they can handle being away from their child for a period of time beyond an average weekend. However, I do have to say that for everyone who laments the spontaneity, I find my WORK schedule much more restrictive than at any point I had children in my life.
That's a good point about whether or not they can handle being away from their child for a period of time beyond an average weekend. However, I do have to say that for everyone who laments the spontaneity, I find my WORK schedule much more restrictive than at any point I had children in my life.
I was thinking that too. Most people have a work schedule and for some it's erratic (overtime, on-call, etc). I guess the spontaneity applies during their time off work.
I was kind of thinking of a situation where it's Thursday night, call her up, say pack your bags cause after work Friday we're hitting the road.
I don't see how that doesn't qualify as spontaneity, it falls outside of work, this is assuming you work M-F and have the weekends off..... as most people I know do.....outside of barista's at a Starbucks.....
And this is another reason why men are reluctant to being involved with a woman with kids.
In no way, should a man ever be forced to pay child support for a kid who is not biologically his own.
The courts don't even care. Like in marriage for example. If a wife cheats and gets pregnant and goes along with the pregnancy, the husband will still have pay child support. That's a great injustice in the family courts.
I don't think dating a single mom is hard per se, it's just the condition the single mom is in to date. Some are barely divorced and have processed none of their feelings of the divorce, yet they are forcing the aspect of dating.
To be a single mom dating, I would imagine you would need a very reliable babysitter. By reliable, I mean the father or mother of the child, a parent, grandparent, friend, or very reliable babysitter you can call on on a moments notice from time to time. When dating, whether your dating a single parent or someone with no kids, there's going to be times where you have to make a decision at a moments notice. I've scored free tickets to concerts where I had an hour to make a decision. That's what makes dating so special, it's not so calculated like working a 9-5 and tending to your home.
You have someone else that is bringing ideas to the table that are interesting and likely outside of what you're used too. I've tried dating single mom's before, and I'm definitely not against it, but it was so hard to get a date scheduled. It wasn't because there was no interest, but because there was a lack of support when helping with her kid(s). All the pressure was on her, so she felt even more guilty because she couldn't make herself available. At the same time, her kids were feeling the divorce to, so she felt even more obligated to spend more time with the kids. In the long run, there was no time leftover for me. We talk very seldomly now, because I would have had to sit on pins and needles until her schedule opened up, and I'm not ok with that when there was other women available.
To me, dating a single parent is not always as hard as people believe. As a single parent, you have to be able to accept help, and also be willing to leave your kid(s) with a babysitter as well. As a parent, you deserve happiness too.
Single moms get lonely too and some want to get married.
Ain't it the truth.
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