Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I find it concerning that she did not freely admit this to you but only because her sister threatened to expose her. I think there is a chance she is downplaying her involvement and just telling you enough to satisfy your curiosity of what her sister was threatening to expose. Also she is using odd phrases of "touching" rather than using, but she used the drugs.
I don't know enough about drug tests to know if one would tell you the frequency or intensity of her use, but it is something that you might want to consider. Also maybe look through your house and make sure there are no drugs in the house. And go to a counselor to discuss the trust and communication issues.
I too find it concerning that the admission was beating her sister to the punch
Thanks
Location: A Very Naughtytown In Northwestern Montanifornia U.S.A.
1,088 posts, read 1,948,491 times
Reputation: 1986
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeedAnswer123
she assures me that she will not do it again so I have nothing to worry about.
Did you ever hear the saying "Burn me once shame on you, burn me twice shame on me" ?
Or this one, "Trust but verify"
You started this post for a reason, now if you don't get resolution you will most likely be unsure and wondering until you know that elusive thing known as "The Truth". I would pluck a hair (by accident ) and test the heck out of the areas near the root (recent time periods) and get some peace of mind, you deserve to know the truth.
When the kids get to be "That Age" spy on them and go through thier rooms regularly, it's not wrong to save your family from the temptations that abound around us all.
If she only used twice in 10 years, I wouldn't worry about it. I would also think at her age that she should be responsible enough to avoid it.
I also think that if she just took some and rubbed it on her gum, it wouldnt do anything.
Keep things open and talk to her about it, don't jump the gun or she will close up and not tell you anything. I would limit her interaction with her sister as well (twice a week to use is quite a lot imo, and with a child of her own, just bad, bad news) The only thing that would concern me is what exactly does her sister mean about letting all secrets out.
She apologized, but tends to minimize my feelings saying that "most people she knows" have experimented and if I had ever used drugs, then I wouldn't be so freaked out about merely touching the stuff to her mouth on two occasions (the other she claims was when she just turned 30 nearly 13 years ago).
I tend to agree with your wife. If you've never done drugs, how can you possibly have any perspective on the issue. I'm not saying that doing coke is healthy because it obviously is not. But there is a major difference between rubbing some on your gums once every 5 years and snorting a line as soon as you wake each morning.
I did a few hard drugs early on in life as did many people I know. We now all have families, college degrees and good, decent paying jobs.
This is an old argument. People who have never used a drug a day in there life will typically view marijuana as being equal to heroine. People who have used drugs know better.
If her gums and mouth are in healthy shape, she's probably being honest with you and only dabbled with it. Cocaine destroys the membranes pretty quickly. Also, "tasting" is not a preferred method of use because it makes the lips, tongue, and gums numb. Ingesting cocaine can cause intestinal damage, the symptoms of which would have become apparent by now if she was eating the stuff. That doesn't mean she hasn't been snorting. Just that if she's telling you she only tasted a few times, she might very well be telling the truth about that.
For those suggesting a drug test, good luck with that. A saliva test will only detect it if it has been used within 24-72 hours, a blood test will only detect it within 3-5 days (7 days at the most), and a urine test for cocaine metabolites will only detect metabolites for 3-5 days unless cocaine use has been heavy and prolonged, in which case metabolites may still be in the system for as long as 2-3 weeks (but we're talking snorting like a rock star). A hair test is only good for 90 days, but will not detect anything until 5-7 days after use. All of this is why employment drug tests are usually surprises. If you know it's coming, it's easy to dodge.
OP, in your shoes, I would be on the watch going forward, rather than harping on her about one or two times in the past. Sure, it's understandable to be angry that she lied to you about the past, but you need to decide if she's being honest with you about not using now. You've been married 15 years. You know her better than any of us ever could.
If you suspect it, go from there. But surreptitiously taking a hair from her and getting it tested is ridiculous. That is the mark of a snake and you run the risk of destroying her trust in you.
i have started to repsond to this post three times, but didn't want it to sound like i condone drug abuse...
Having said that...lighten up.
The woman works hard, is a good mom, and a good wife.
Some folks have a martini, or a couple of beers, to unwind. Others smoke a little pot or snort a ine now and then.
Have a family intervention? Get into counseling? Have her hair tested. Geez...she used a little toot; you don't share her enthusiasm for the drug so she didn't share with you. I am sure you don't share with her every time you check out another woman--because she, like you, 'wouldn't approve'.
I think you are WAY hung up on a non issue. Dump her for being a junkie if you will, but don't forget, we ALL come with baggage of one sort or another. Be careful for what you wish...
I have a very loosely similar drug-use issue between me and my wife.
For me, the crux of the thing (and what I'm picking up on with the OP) isn't so much the use itself, but the fact that the use happened with an addict who happens to be a family member. I would wonder if the longstanding sisterly (in this case) connection would somehow "override" my wife's better judgement on the issue. Sure, this could be perceived as a lack of trust on my part, but I also know too much about addiction to pretend it doesn't happen.
Pray for her,and her sister as well. That GOD a loving higher power can bring healing into their lives. I keep you,and your wife,and her sister in my prayers bro.
But surreptitiously taking a hair from her and getting it tested is ridiculous. That is the mark of a snake and you run the risk of destroying her trust in you.
I agree, keep the communication open and honest, with no sneaking around. Be observant, but no stalking and hair testing! Every one makes mistakes. Many people experiment out of curiosity or momentary poor judgment. A couple of times (over our 15 year marriage) my SO and I had a few too many drinks and ended up hiding in a corner with friends sneaking a puff, while our kids were at Grandma's for the weekend. Not saying it's right and legal - just that it happens to the best of us, as we are pretty respectable people. Just keep the communication open and explain your concerns while accepting that people make mistakes.
Some folks have a martini, or a couple of beers, to unwind. Others smoke a little pot or snort a ine now and then.
However, the line can be a bigger problem than the others. It can be easier to become addicted to it and seek more of it after just a few uses. The type of drug choice is more of a red flag.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
) and test the heck out of the areas near the root (recent time periods) and get some peace of mind, you deserve to know the truth.
