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I was told that I was not the "typical woman" to take 4 dates or more to figure out if I want to date someone long term. The guy I am dating thinks that is too long. So I wonder if I am unusual?
How many dates typically does it take you to know if you want to date a person long term? Please also state if you are a man or a woman. He seems to think that women would take 1 or 2 dates, but men would take much longer.
To date or not to date someone long term, that is the question...
When you first are "dating" - lets say that's seeing each other twice a week and speaking over the phone on a couple other days.
I would say it has to do more with time as in months then actual number of "dates".
I dated a guy for a total of 6 weeks. In that time we had many "dates", even a weekend away together and if we didn't see each other we would talk over the phone.
It was WAY too INTENSE for me. At first I though "oh what a kind and attentive guy", always interested in me and my thoughts, feelings, views.... I could possible see him as long term potential...
By week 4 he was telling me he was in love with me, talking about living together at some point in the near future...oh oh... (this was the weekend we went away for my surprise birthday present- sleeping in separate rooms)
The next week I told him I was going to visit a girlfriend in another city for the weekend, he expected to come...no, not possible. WOO did he change...started acting strange, I said hey lets take some time with this relationship, things been going really fast...
He's crying, saying that he can't live without me...he can't go to work as he is so distressed. Constantly calling me even when I went away that I actually turned my phone off.
Least to say when I came back after my weekend away I ended the "relationship", too Much too Soon.
It really takes more then just a couple of dates or even 4 dates to know if you want to just continue dating with that one person for long term. Long term in my opinion is more than 12 + months...
I reckon the first 3 months both parties are putting on their best face and personality which is not always the "real thing".
3-5 months people will start relaxing and showing their true personality so you will have a decent idea then if you would want to continue longer.
At the 6 month point is where you know if you could continue a relationship long term because by that time you have seen this person happy, sad, angry, mad and you know what they really think about things and how they act in different situations.
You really shouldn't be keeping count, just go out until you feel that there's something more there. The same way you don't bother dating anymore if there's no chemistry after the first date, they're some people that start a long term relationship after the first date.
By week 4 he was telling me he was in love with me, talking about living together at some point in the near future...oh oh...
That seems normal to me.
Quote:
The next week I told him I was going to visit a girlfriend in another city for the weekend, he expected to come...no, not possible. WOO did he change...started acting strange, I said hey lets take some time with this relationship, things been going really fast...
He's crying, saying that he can't live without me.
It was WAY too INTENSE for me. At first I though "oh what a kind and attentive guy", always interested in me and my thoughts, feelings, views.... I could possible see him as long term potential...
This is what I am thinking about this guy now....too intense.
By week 4 he was telling me he was in love with me, talking about living together at some point in the near future...oh oh... (this was the weekend we went away for my surprise birthday present- sleeping in separate rooms)
The next week I told him I was going to visit a girlfriend in another city for the weekend, he expected to come...no, not possible. WOO did he change...started acting strange, I said hey lets take some time with this relationship, things been going really fast...
He's crying, saying that he can't live without me...he can't go to work as he is so distressed. Constantly calling me even when I went away that I actually turned my phone off.
And this is what I am afraid.....after 3 dates, he told me doesn't want me to talk about other men
Any guy who doesn't even want you to talk about other men, regardless of how many dates, is a controlling a-hole.
Unless you mean that he doesn't want you to talk about other men you're currently dating, in which case that's just a common courtesy.
No it wasn't about other men I was dating. I wouldn't do that. I was just saying how men (in general) will be attracted to looks before brains and that other men I know have told me this. It's weird cause I even told him how I can't stand jealous men.
So you want a guy you're dating in the early stages to tell you all about the other women he's dating, and you would tell him all about the other men you're dating? And to not do that is "psycho-ness" (sic)? I don't think I've ever encountered people who do that in over two decades of dating.
In my circles it has always been considered a matter of common courtesy and class not to discuss other people you're currently dating. I've never done that with a woman and have never had a woman do that with me. If I did and someone asked me not to, I would consider that to be no more or less "psycho" than asking me to follow any other form of basic manners.
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