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It's not the actual wedding ceremony that's what's expensive, from what I've seen. It's the flowers and the open bar and the food and the band/DJ, etc. A lot of people want to throw a great party to celebrate, and great party can be pricey.
But your still married without that. My point is you dont have to spend $$ to be married. You can still throw a great party without spending 30K. At least I hope so!
what if one person wanted to get married at a courthouse and have a small ceremony at a restaurant etc. for a total of under $10k and the other wanted a more elaborate wedding spending $20-30k, do you think that couple would be incompatible financially and should not get married at all?
Are you talking about yourself? Sounds like there would be more discussion in order.
I've been married for a long time. Others can do what they want, but the idea of getting married at the courthouse didn't appeal to me. Simply getting married somewhere other than the courthouse doesn't mean you are spending thousands of dollars.
In general, receptions can be very expensive especially if you have a sit down dinner. The guest list also drives the costs way up.
I know a couple very nice facilities that can be rented for a couple hundred dollars but then you provide your own food/catering. There are ways to cut costs and have a nice wedding.
When I was married, in part because of the size of my husband's family I knew our guest list would be at least 100 people. I would have been fine with a smaller guest list, but for many people the family aspect is very important.
what if one person wanted to get married at a courthouse and have a small ceremony at a restaurant etc. for a total of under $10k and the other wanted a more elaborate wedding spending $20-30k, do you think that couple would be incompatible financially and should not get married at all?
Well if you cant agree on the wedding and financial aspect of it, your off to a bad start.
All these women you meet that want a 30K wedding, how do they propose to pay for it?
what if one person wanted to get married at a courthouse and have a small ceremony at a restaurant etc. for a total of under $10k and the other wanted a more elaborate wedding spending $20-30k, do you think that couple would be incompatible financially and should not get married at all?
In isolation, I would say that couple had some issues to work out before getting married, as I think they are pretty incompatible. It might be possible to work through them.
However, your question is NOT in isolation. You have posted a lot on C-D about your own LTR, and I can tell you right now that I do not believe you should marry her. You already resent her and are questioning her financial priorities. It will only get worse after you are married.
what if one person wanted to get married at a courthouse and have a small ceremony at a restaurant etc. for a total of under $10k and the other wanted a more elaborate wedding spending $20-30k, do you think that couple would be incompatible financially and should not get married at all?
In this case I don't know if it's the money that's the incompatibility. Nobody really says, "I want a wedding that costs $30K," they want a certain dress or a certain location or a certain amount of people, then they do the math and yikes. So the couple has to sit down and discuss expectations. If one of them wants to get married under a grove of trees by JP with only closest family there, and the other one wants a big church wedding with lots of family and friends, those are differences that aren't entirely financial. And too, for some people a $50K wedding is insanely expensive, and for others it's nothing.
what if one person wanted to get married at a courthouse and have a small ceremony at a restaurant etc. for a total of under $10k and the other wanted a more elaborate wedding spending $20-30k, do you think that couple would be incompatible financially and should not get married at all?
Other than rich people for whom a $30,000 party (let's face it, that's what a wedding is) is no big deal, I honestly don't understand why everyone doesn't elope. The wedding industry is a racket and a massive ripoff for the average couple.
Even if I could afford a $30,000 party, I'd rather have one that isn't called a "wedding," so that I would actually get my $30,000 worth, rather than having every cost jacked up simply because it's a wedding. That's what everyone from florists to DJ's to caterers to venues does.
It's not the actual wedding ceremony that's what's expensive, from what I've seen. It's the flowers and the open bar and the food and the band/DJ, etc. A lot of people want to throw a great party to celebrate, and great party can be pricey.
This was part of my reason for not wanting a wedding. As soon as we announced engagement, we realized how many people expected to come. I have a big family. He has a big family and a lot were ready to fly in because I was the first of my generation to get married even with lots of older cousins in their 30's/40's. Where would everyone stay? It sounded like one big freaking nightmare! So much easier to have a short engagement and get it done quickly. No time to plan a big wedding. I know our parents would have foot most of the bill, but I did not want to plan that. And I didn't want to be in front of that many people. I just wanted to enjoy the moment and going to the courthouse took this HUGE weight off my shoulders.
Other than rich people for whom a $30,000 party is no big deal, I honestly don't understand why everyone doesn't elope. The wedding industry is a racket and a massive ripoff for the average couple.
I'll just answer the part about eloping. For many it is very important to have family present for the occasion. I really never thought about eloping, but I can say there would have been a lot of issues on both sides if we had.
You can still do things modestly though, have family present, and not elope.
You can elope to Las Vegas, spend a fair amount of money, and put money into the pockets of the wedding industry.
Location: Democratic Peoples Republic of Redneckistan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by monemi
My sister's was $60k. Most people seem to be in the $20k to $40k range. I wonder what my friend paid in India. I went to it and it was 3 days long and was crazy huge. You cannot know this many people Nisha!
$60g for a wedding ...why?
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares
I dont know anyone who spent 50K on a wedding. I only know one person who spent as much as 10K on a wedding.
It dosent even cost 500 to get married. License cost what $100 at most then maybe a small fee for the official. Its your own fault if you cave at "societal pressure" or date material women.
Exactly right..my last wedding we had a group of good friends,a preacher we both knew and liked and then I had a gig that night and we danced and played all night...by us partying at the gig with all of our friends I ended up MAKING money on my wedding day by the time all was said and done and we had a blast.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
Have a big bbq in the back yard!
Right on! Invite people you really like from both sides and do this thang..million times better than having a bunch of people you barely know scarfing down $100 per plate meals imho.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ducviloxi
what if one person wanted to get married at a courthouse and have a small ceremony at a restaurant etc. for a total of under $10k and the other wanted a more elaborate wedding spending $20-30k, do you think that couple would be incompatible financially and should not get married at all?
Yes...I would tell her to p iss up a rope and find someone else because we don't have the same value with money...30g will buy me another 20 acres of pasture and a killer barn..why blow that kind of money for showing off..its beyond stupid in my book and I work hard for my money
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