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Interesting thread and quite relevant to me I think. I am in a year and half long relationship and of course my GF is hinting at marriage all the time. Her friends have had marriages which in my opinion are lavish although others in the area think they are "average" - $30k affairs and $10k engagement rings. I am stupefied how some of these people who I know do not have that much income can blow so much money in just a day!! I have also heard some people here borrowing from their 401k to finance a big wedding which I think is a huge mistake!
I am hoping when the time comes to buy a $3k ring and have a $12k wedding at most...it's more than I want to spend but I can pay for the whole thing in cash without impacting my savings too much so I figured i'm ok with it. I just cannot fathom or justify spending more than this. $15,000 in itself is a LOT of money to spend to just get married.
The more important thing for me is the choice of whether I should get married at all, recently I have been having some doubts about this - not so sure if it is just nerves or something more telling. I will post for some advice on another thread since I know this forum has some pretty sharp people in it
First, there is the engagement ring, $5-6k (after tax) is a minimum expectation it seems these days, then wedding bands (another $1k) then the wedding itself... looking around $25-30k seems to be the average, then the honeymoon, another $5k or so... when all is said and done we're talking close to $50k!!
And this seems to be very average, not high end at all.
My question, how do people afford it? Especially considering that marriage often means starting a new family which leads to even more very high expenses - buying a home, family cars, kids etc.
How many people can blow this kind of money and then continue into making expensive choices like buying homes and having kids?
why don't you just go down to city hall get married and sign marriage certificates?
I got an absolutely beautiful engagement ring during a 33% off sale for $2.5k, with high quality diamonds. I could have gotten some very nice rings for like $1.5k, but I already had a budget. Wedding bands are not expensive and weddings.. well, my sister had a beautiful wedding for about $1,200.
It's not how much money you have, it's how you spend it.
However, a good honeymoon does cost between 2-5k.
A 1 carat solitaire diamond these days runs about $10K. That's (partly) why my main stone is a Ceylon sapphire (plus I like to do things differently, and I'm not at all a fan of the diamond industry)
I don't get all the judgment about how other people choose to spend their money.
If you're engaged to a woman who is a Bridezilla, that's one thing.
But if someone can afford a wedding beyond the "courthouse and backyard" type, it is their choice and should not be deemed a character flaw just as a thrifty wedding ceremony shouldn't be.
I'll buck the trend here. My parents paid for my wedding 24 years ago. It cost about $14,000 total. I enjoyed every second of it (except my feet hurt terribly), and I remember it well.
I even watch the video every once in a while because it was such a great time and I still can't believe I got to be part of something like that. It was the only party I've ever been to where I knew every single person there, and it actually was very meaningful.
I'm not gonna hang my head in shame about it. It was our choice.
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 06-05-2013 at 04:25 PM..
Reason: typo
Exactly. I'm female and didn't give a damn about an engagement ring and wear a plain gold wedding band. Our wedding cost about $400. The money we would have spent on meaningless rings and opulent weddings was invested instead in gold bars. That was 21 years ago. Believe me, that investment panned out big time. I'd rather have that profit than some stupid-ass diamond ring.
And I caution any man who is trapped in a relationship with some high maintenance woman who demands fancy weddings and all the expense involved in it.
I didn't want an engagement ring, but my mom said to accept one. I didn't want a wedding. My mom said we were having one. She had no ring and had a wedding chapel wedding so she lived vicariously through me. She's a great lady she just got excited about the prospect of what she didn't have. She picked the dress, the menu, the venue, all of it. I let her. I didn't care and neither did Mr Lubina. I just wanted some cake, which I didn't even get cuz the guests at it all. If I had to do it all over again I would have gone to a justice of the peace, munched on some cupcakes and called it a day. I know 3 people who did just that and no big deal. Still married with children to this day.
here is a hypothetical situation. If you told your significant other that you want to go to the court and get married and don't want a ceremony and then she said if that is the case she does not want to marry you since she expects at least a $10k ceremony...how would you interpret this?
I didn't want an engagement ring, but my mom said to accept one. I didn't want a wedding. My mom said we were having one. She had no ring and had a wedding chapel wedding so she lived vicariously through me. She's a great lady she just got excited about the prospect of what she didn't have. She picked the dress, the menu, the venue, all of it. I let her. I didn't care and neither did Mr Lubina. I just wanted some cake, which I didn't even get cuz the guests at it all. If I had to do it all over again I would have gone to a justice of the peace, munched on some cupcakes and called it a day. I know 3 people who did just that and no big deal. Still married with children to this day.
So your mom was the Bridezilla in your equation! That's not fair--people should get what they want on their day, especially a nice cake! (Who gave away the wedding couple's pieces?? ) At least you were gracious enough to let your mom do her steam-roller act. How was the honeymoon? IMO, that's the important part.
here is a hypothetical situation. If you told your significant other that you want to go to the court and get married and don't want a ceremony and then she said if that is the case she does not want to marry you since she expects at least a $10k ceremony...how would you interpret this?
Not enough info here. (Are her parents still alive, and would they be contributing anything?) But offhand, I'd say that if that's what she wants, she can pay for it. Usually the couple works out the expenses together, as a team. Marriage is teamwork, right? If she's not on board with the team concept, there shouldn't be a team. The guy should walk. Red flag.
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) At least you were gracious enough to let your mom do her steam-roller act. How was the honeymoon? IMO, that's the important part.
