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I'm creating this thread mostly to vent and hopefully to get support and or helpful feedback, though as far as advice goes, I don't see much of a way around my issue.
Here's the thing with me: I don't like dating multiple people. In the past I would find someone I was crazy about, or who I thought was a good match, and settle down with that person. But looking back, I think I wasn't looking hard enough to find the right person because none of the people I dated exclusively ended up being a good match, it's why I'm single today.
Right now specifically, I'm in a race against time. I'm in my mid-30s and have fertility issues. My fertility issues are not insurmountable, but they are definitely an obstacle that's going to become more challenging as I age.
If I want to have my own biological children, I need to find someone to settle down with in the next year or so. If I don't, I may run out of time. The issue is, I don't want to settle down with just anyone but rather someone who is a good fit for me. I literally don't have the time to casually date just one person for 6 months and "see how it goes", if I want to be married and settled before trying to get pregnant. I would LOVE to have that kind of time, but I don't. So, in order to be as efficient as possible, I have to date multiple people at once. It sucks, but I don't really see any way around it given my end goals, I wish things were different.
I've talked to my friends about freezing my eggs, but it's expensive and painful (to extract them), and more challenging for me than others given my fertility condition. In addition to all that, it just seem ludicrous to go through that given I don't even have a boyfriend right now. Maybe I should anyway. I dunno.
You only have so much control over this type of issue. DO you believe in "meant to be"? Yes, humans can do A LOT, but we don't always achieve all our goals. Learn to accept that.
2) You will get dinged on this forum for complaining about "too many dates."
3) You are putting so much pressure on your potential partner that it is bound to be coming out in subtle ways. There is no way you won't end up settling if you keep giving yourself these "I'm running out of time!!!!" pronouncements.
4)You also are putting a TON of emotional stress on your body.
Well the reality is that you're no less of a human being just because you don't have biological children.
I would say there is no cause in the world greater than raising an orphan as your own. It is a person who has just as much value as any person who shares DNA with you could be.
Therefore, you shouldn't put so much pressure on yourself to breed. My attitude is that you can't get everything in this life. And the bottom line is it doesn't really matter whether you breed or not, because all your children will be dead in 150 years anyways. And your grandchildren would share even less of your DNA. And their children would share even less of it. So in 300 years the traces of your particular DNA will be essentially gone from this world, and the human beings who exist will be a whole new generation, everybody very unique from anybody who is living today.
So don't put so much pressure on yourself, and just enjoy this life while you have it. You can meet a man who has a passion for adoption, and you can raise orphans as your own children. Because they will become your own children. And through them, you can have as great an impact on the world as you could ever have with biological children.
Enjoy life, and don't compromise your values in order to become a slave of a strain of DNA that will be diluted until unrecognizable in 300 years regardless.
You only have so much control over this type of issue. DO you believe in "meant to be"? Yes, humans can do A LOT, but we don't always achieve all our goals. Learn to accept that.
2) You will get dinged on this forum for complaining about "too many dates."
3) You are putting so much pressure on your potential partner that it is bound to be coming out in subtle ways. There is no way you won't end up settling if you keep giving yourself these "I'm running out of time!!!!" pronouncements.
4)You also are putting a TON of emotional stress on your body.
#4 is especially true. I've felt physically ill on and off the past few weeks, and I have at least one fever blister (my body's favorite way of showing me that it's upset lol).
I hate being in this position SO MUCH. I was the girl who always "took it easy", never rushed anything, and let things happen as they happen. And it's gotten me to where I am. So, I'm skeptical of just "letting things flow" now. I would love to get back to that place.
When I was in my mid-30s and dating guys close to 40, they all brought up kids on the first date. Brought up that they wanted them, and right away. Men get that 'biological clock' feeling, too.
I think you should look for a guy like that. One whose main interest in dating is finding a partner to make babies with.
I'm also skeptical of rushing into marriage like that, but that's me.
You seriously need to take a good hard look at what is MORE IMPORTANT to you. A good relationship with a lifelong commitment with the possibility of having no children OR having a child then being stuck with some guy for 18 years that you really don't even like let alone love because he wants to be involved in his child's life.
When I was in my mid-30s and dating guys close to 40, they all brought up kids on the first date. Brought up that they wanted them, and right away. Men get that 'biological clock' feeling, too.
I think you should look for a guy like that. One whose main interest in dating is finding a partner to make babies with.
I'm also skeptical of rushing into marriage like that, but that's me.
Rushing into marriage is dumb.
I should form an internet group: Resistance Against DNA Tyranny
Men and women who's biological clocks are giving them no rest should join up.
You seriously need to take a good hard look at what is MORE IMPORTANT to you. A good relationship with a lifelong commitment with the possibility of having no children OR having a child then being stuck with some guy for 18 years that you really don't even like let alone love because he wants to be involved in his child's life.
Have I ever agreed with CSD before?
He has a very good point -- if you choose a guy who really wants kids, like you do, you will be stuck with him in your life even if you divorce. And that's forever, not just 18 years. He will always be your kids' dad.
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While I appreciate your need to vent
