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I've never experienced this, but it's a nice story.
Slanderous, I know I've gotten good advice from you in the past (I just can't remember when or what about lol). Do you have any words of wisdom for me?
...I tend to hold onto relationships even after it's obvious the person and I aren't a good match. In the past, I've had a hard time breaking up with people, staying with them for YEARS after I've discovered they weren't a good fit. That's why I want to be extra special careful this time around to not pick the wrong person, because if I do, mentally I have a hard time getting out of it.
People who don't have options are less likely to bail out of an existing relationship (unless there is physical abuse) which is more stable for their partner and for any kids. If you know that you can have 7 guys lined up in a week after leaving someone that's a bad position for that guy to be in especially if he was only dating you when you picked him and he didn't have many/any other options.
If me as a guy knew that was the dynamic I would be reluctant to jump in the deep end with you because I could be left in a REALLY bad situation if you decided to leave and there were kids involved.
Maybe you need to find a guy who had 7 other attractive women lined up he was himing and hawing about, that way you have an equitable relationship and no one feels used.
People who don't have options are less likely to bail out of an existing relationship (unless there is physical abuse) which is more stable for their partner and for any kids. If you know that you can have 7 guys lined up in a week after leaving someone that's a bad position for that guy to be in especially if he was only dating you when you picked him and he didn't have many/any other options.
If me as a guy knew that was the dynamic I would be reluctant to jump in the deep end with you because I could be left in a REALLY bad situation if you decided to leave and there were kids involved.
I mean, what you're saying is not true about people who have options are quick to leave a situation. At least, it's not for me. I have options (sorry, I know this irritates you lol), but I STILL have a hard time leaving a relationship. And you and I have discussed this before in a different thread, the guys have other options, too, it's not just me.
I def think people having too many options in the BEGINNING makes them reluctant to pick one and settle down. But, that's the world I'm living in, where I have options and so do they. So there's no sense in railing against it and complaining about it, because that's not going to change anything. The fact remains that I have multiple options and so do they.
So the question I'm asking, is how do I best deal with this reality?
Slanderous, I know I've gotten good advice from you in the past (I just can't remember when or what about lol). Do you have any words of wisdom for me?
Thanks, and I apologize for helping to take things off topic.
I'm a proponent of taking a break from dating if it gets stressful or too much. There's nothing wrong with dating multiple people, but back when I dated I knew I needed a break when I was getting frustrated with it. Maybe one or two dates a week with some other activities to replace the dates.
And there's nothing wrong with asking point blank if the person wants children. Presumably both parties are looking to start a relationship, not become friends and text back and forth randomly.
People who don't have options are less likely to bail out of an existing relationship (unless there is physical abuse) which is more stable for their partner and for any kids. If you know that you can have 7 guys lined up in a week after leaving someone that's a bad position for that guy to be in especially if he was only dating you when you picked him and he didn't have many/any other options.
If me as a guy knew that was the dynamic I would be reluctant to jump in the deep end with you because I could be left in a REALLY bad situation if you decided to leave and there were kids involved.
Maybe you need to find a guy who had 7 other attractive women lined up he was himing and hawing about, that way you have an equitable relationship and no one feels used.
We're not talking about committed relationships. We're talking about casual dating in order to find a compatible partner FOR a relationship. No one is using anyone, but you're both just getting to know each other to see if you're a good fit.
Once in a committed relationship, if you have the mentality of being committed, then you're not going to be looking out for "something better". If you want something better, then you put that energy into making the relationship better.
That's not a bad position for a guy at all. He was picked by someone who had many options. He stood above the rest, and he had to do his part to stand out, which means he will be used to contributing to the relationship also. Both are making effort to keep things good, which is what a relationship needs.
Thanks, and I apologize for helping to take things off topic.
I'm a proponent of taking a break from dating if it gets stressful or too much. There's nothing wrong with dating multiple people, but back when I dated I knew I needed a break when I was getting frustrated with it. Maybe one or two dates a week with some other activities to replace the dates.
And there's nothing wrong with asking point blank if the person wants children. Presumably both parties are looking to start a relationship, not become friends and text back and forth randomly.
Thanks I'm sorta headed in this direction, too, that I need to take breaks instead of letting myself get frustrated. The poster who said you want to meet someone when you are the best, happy version of yourself is such good advice. I think taking breaks in between is the key to being your best, happy self.
Did you ever meet anyone special? How long did it take you?
I mean, what you're saying is not true about people who have options are quick to leave a situation. At least, it's not for me. I have options (sorry, I know this irritates you lol), but I STILL have a hard time leaving a relationship. And you and I have discussed this before in a different thread, the guys have other options, too, it's not just me.
I def think people having too many options in the BEGINNING makes them reluctant to pick one and settle down. But, that's the world I'm living in, where I have options and so do they. So there's no sense in railing against it and complaining about it, because that's not going to change anything. The fact remains that I have multiple options and so do they.
So the question I'm asking, is how do I best deal with this reality?
It does not irritate me, I just would not want to have kids or get married to someone who can leave and have 7 men lined up ready to go. Just because it was hard for you to leave did not prevent you from actually leaving, people who don't have options don't leave unless its for really serious reasons like physical abuse, that's just a character issue. Leaving because it was "not a good fit" is the result of having the knowledge that you can have 7 guys lined up. Do the guys you are dating have 7 other women lined up or just 1 or 2. If a guy knows you have 7 guys lined up and he has 1 or 2 he may just focus more on the other 2 women especially if those women only have 1 or 2 other guys if any lined up.
you probably need to sit down with a best friend and go over all the details of the various men, the company I work for has sophisticated software for determining where best to invest money in its various assets (where they can get the best ROR), so the question you are asking is actually quite complicated, probably more complicated than anyone here can truly help you with.
You may need to sit down with a girl friend and create a spread sheet, im not even joking. My best friend refers to it as the wheel of wieners. Your going to need to put in the time and energy to keep track of the various men so you can make a decision .... before they make it for you by picking the other women they are seeing.
We're not talking about committed relationships. We're talking about casual dating in order to find a compatible partner FOR a relationship. No one is using anyone, but you're both just getting to know each other to see if you're a good fit.
Once in a committed relationship, if you have the mentality of being committed, then you're not going to be looking out for "something better". If you want something better, then you put that energy into making the relationship better.
That's not a bad position for a guy at all. He was picked by someone who had many options. He stood above the rest, and he had to do his part to stand out, which means he will be used to contributing to the relationship also. Both are making effort to keep things good, which is what a relationship needs.
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to orangeapple again.
Yep, I agree. People are only "looking for something better" when they were settling to begin with.
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