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A man with a history of dating much younger is a red flag. My boyfriend is 9 years older but it works because we have the same interests and life experiences.
Of course. That's how it works for most people. You are no exception here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nearnorth
In other words, it works for the same reasons that lots of other age-gap relationships, which are extremely common, work. Nice to see you finally acknowledge this.
Still making this sweeping inaccurate generalization, eh? Your reality, if that's what it is, simply doesn't match mine and those of friends of mine. We date and marry younger women, so apparently they want us. There's nothing for us to "not get," because it's not some fairytale of fantasy. It's the reality of what people do. You don't have to like it, but it's pointless to deny that it happens often.
You are still not getting it. Just because you and your friends are supposedly dating much younger doesn't mean most women want older men. We don't. I have spoken to many women about this and only one actively sought out an older man because she has daddy issues. Most people marry those within a few years.
You (and others)still aren't getting the fact there is a BIG difference between two people meeting in real life and having an age gap versus older men who contact women online with big age differences or approach in public because of it. Big difference and no, if my boyfriend had contacted me on dating site I would have told him he was too old.
Three years isn't a big difference in your twenties. A 21 desiring to date a 31 year old would be very uncommon...despite what people would say here.
I dunno...I found it extremely common when I was a grad student of that age. The same types of gorgeous undergrads who wouldn't give me the time of day when I was a dorky undergrad boy were suddenly very interested, and my friends tended to experience the same. (Some of them are now married to the women they began dating at that age with that age gap.) For me the age gap at that age was too big to really be feasible in terms of compatibility, but the interest was anything but "very uncommon."
"Significant" is highly subjective in this case. Apparently for you 9 years = insignificant and 15 years = not only significant but completely ridiculous. You draw the firm heavy line in the same arbitrary place as idon'tdateyou, apparently. Personally, I consider both 9 and 15 year gaps to be significant but still very doable.
Oh, and we've been through this, but the OP says "10 years and significantly older." Pretty sure you knew that, though.
Huh???
I have said over and over again that "fairly significant" in general to me means what the OP said: old enough to be one's father.
I don't know that I said nine years is "insignificant" (that's who idon'tdateyou used as an example, not me)...I did say many times that I'm more comfortable with someone in my age range, about +/- five years or so. I also feel *in general* that 10 years probably isn't what I'd consider "very significant" as far as the general population sees things.
ETA: However, I have been trying to answer both questions directly related to the "if he's as old as your father" example given, and those saying they've had smaller age gaps, so it's very possible I'm not expressing myself very clearly in this thread. I can understand the above, my apologies.
And again, it really isn't a case of fair v. unfair, etc. (regarding some of your comments in posts above this one). It's probably "unfair" of me that the thought of sex with a 60-year-old man makes me squick and want to just run into a cave somewhere and hide. But it is what it is.
Exactly. There's nothing wrong with having your preferences, and sticking to them, but there's nothing wrong with the older men having their preferences, either. If you're not interested, say no and move on. Eventually they'll find someone who is. Or they won't, in which case they'll have to adjust their preferences or be lonely. No skin off your back either way.
I don't believe I've seen any studies that state sperm quality is more responsible for birth defects than egg quality and I doubt that's true, TBH.
Actually, she's right, for once. It hasn't been proven, but there is evidence to suggest it. In particular there is a correlation between autism and age of father, even when they control for things like education level and income.
Exactly. There's nothing wrong with having your preferences, and sticking to them, but there's nothing wrong with the older men having their preferences, either. If you're not interested, say no and move on. Eventually they'll find someone who is. Or they won't, in which case they'll have to adjust their preferences or be lonely. No skin off your back either way.
You are right about people having preferences and moving on... but I would add the qualifier "if the woman is an adult." Like I said, when I worked as a lifeguard, I had older men hitting on me all the time. Ask yourself, if you were the father of a 15-year-old daughter, how would you feel about 30 and 40 something men "hitting" on your child? That's the only part about the whole older men hitting on younger women that ever bothered me.
But it was mainly when I was very young that it really gave me the creeps. By the time I was in my 20s, it was like water off a ducks back to me (basically, by then I was mature enough to handle it).
Exactly. There's nothing wrong with having your preferences, and sticking to them, but there's nothing wrong with the older men having their preferences, either. If you're not interested, say no and move on. Eventually they'll find someone who is. Or they won't, in which case they'll have to adjust their preferences or be lonely. No skin off your back either way.
Correct.
Should not be a problem, ultimately. However, since this thread was about our feelings as women on being approached, we're giving responses on, well, our feelings about being approached.
Actually, she's right, for once. It hasn't been proven, but there is evidence to suggest it. In particular there is a correlation between autism and age of father, even when they control for things like education level and income.
I've definitely heard the autism connection. Very interesting stuff.
Men over 40 get a LOT of social pressure from other men to date younger.
Interesting. I haven't found this to be the case at all, but I'm also only barely over 40. Maybe I'll get more of it if I'm single in a few years?
If anything, I find that the older I get, the less anyone cares about the age of women I date. I'm sure it would raise a few eyebrows if I came to a dinner party with a woman my mother's age or a girl fresh out of high school, but short of that nobody seems to care.
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It hasn't been proven, but there is evidence to suggest it. In particular there is a correlation between autism and age of father, even when they control for things like education level and income.
