Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I was just talking to my roomate about this and was interested in your take. Say someone your not interested in messages you on a dating site like okcupid or match or plenty of fish.
Is it polite to message them back even if your not interested or is it better to just ignore?
I've seen some people say you should message everyone back but really what do you say? If you message back and dont reject them they think your intrested and now your involved in this convo you dont want to have and have to eventually reject them anyway.
If you message back and reject them its like hey thanks for messaging me but I dont find you attractive, thats even more a kick in the balls than no message back at all.
personally i feel like ignoring is saying im not intrested.
guys we dont tend to get many messages so not crazy for us to reply to every message but even just decent looking girls i know get like 30-40 messages per day just not realistic to respond to all of them.
one last thing ive heard from some girsl. some girls have said at first they tried to be nice and message everyone back but guys they tell they arent interested in either get nasty and start name calling or turn into whiny little babies like what could i do differently tomake you like me?
just curious your take and what you think proper etiquete is....
I think you might be overthinking this. I have never done online dating. But I would like to think that if I did and someone that I wasn't interested in asked me out that I would decline them softly. Ignoring someone asking someone something just seems ruder. What does it take two minutes to say thank you I appreciate your interest, or I am flattered that you like me, but unfortunately I am just not interested. I hope you find what you're looking for. Then end it with something like Best wishes in your hunting. Then just leave it at that. If someone takes the time to put themselves out there and to go out on a limb and show interest, than, the least you can do is respond. People are going to get hurt, such is life. Just because you like someone doesn't always mean that someone is going to like you back. Perhaps that is just the way I was raised.
I used to think that proper etiquette dictated responding to all messages, including ones with people you intend to reject. However, my perspective changed when a female friend of mine showed me her pof mailbox. Now, she's an "average" looking girl and didn't have any revealing pictures of her on her profile. Needless to say, her mailbox was stuffed with messages from the past two days! It was not feasible for her to reply to all the messages she received, even from guys with good intentions.
As a guy, back when I did have a profile, I wouldn't get too many messages, unless they were replies from messages I sent. Because of that, I did respond to each one, be it to maintain interest in them or to reject them. Online dating is just so lopsided in terms of male to female ratio. It's why I stopped doing it.
Now, what I don't like are the women who say that they will reply back if you put substance into your message, but don't. Don't make promises or guarantees that you can't keep.
I try to respond as much as possible on OKC, because i dont want my profile to say "replies selectively." i used to be on Pof and usually didnt respond, in part because i received 10 times the number of messages there compared to okc. The pof guys were of low quality, by the way.
I used to think that proper etiquette dictated responding to all messages, including ones with people you intend to reject. However, my perspective changed when a female friend of mine showed me her pof mailbox. Now, she's an "average" looking girl and didn't have any revealing pictures of her on her profile. Needless to say, her mailbox was stuffed with messages from the past two days! It was not feasible for her to reply to all the messages she received, even from guys with good intentions.
As a guy, back when I did have a profile, I wouldn't get too many messages, unless they were replies from messages I sent. Because of that, I did respond to each one, be it to maintain interest in them or to reject them. Online dating is just so lopsided in terms of male to female ratio. It's why I stopped doing it.
Now, what I don't like are the women who say that they will reply back if you put substance into your message, but don't. Don't make promises or guarantees that you can't keep.
like u said guys and girls are a whole diff ballgame but i think a thoughtful message definately deserves more of a response than a "hey there" message.
as a guy it does get frustrating when you actually sit and put together a well thought out thoughtful message and get no response. then you kind of get jaded and like screw it i may as well be like hey there and send 100 messages and play the numbers game. i think thats why some women do respond to quote un quote reward good behavior and keep all the guys from just sending hey messages by trying to respond to ones where someone actually puts thought into it.
Yes, mainly because I think it's rude not to. It's like someone saying "hi" to you and you not responding.
However, if the initial email was rude/inappropriate, then I wouldn't respond, but I never received any of those. Although the guys knew I wasn't interested, they appreciated the fact that I responded with an email.
Depends on the message. If it simply says 'hi' or something completely Unimaginative I wont bother replying. Same goes with messages that are lewd or rude. I do consider it in bad taste to send someone a message that simply says 'hey sexy' and nothing more.
If its a thoughtful message I'll try and reply, because even if I'm not attracted to a man right off the bat, I realize that his personality can more than make up for it.
I ignore the bulk of them - if a woman whom I'm really not attracted to messages me and goes, "hey whats up", then... well... really, who cares??
If they spent a looooong time writing, I may respond back. I don't like shutting people down, so I'll usually say something like, "I don't really have the time to date and so I don't really check this frequently" as a cop out - which is true. I'll go weeks, months without logging in.
It's very rude to respond to someone you're not interested in, you're wasting their time and giving them false hope. Don't be a jerk and string them along, just ignore their messages no matter how many they send and maybe just block them from mailing you if they do too much.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
