Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
For all of you who are attacking me and accusing me of thinking I am perfect, today is my off day, and I am sitting less than 5 ft from him and he is watching a movie and getting his plays together for NCAA football for playstation. I do not see a depressed man, I see someone who is/was comfortable allowing my parents to help out with bills and will only show interest in jobs that I apply to for him. I have decided this time around that I am not doing it. When I did apply for him and they would call he would schedule and interview but when the day came he would hit snooze on the alarm and turn over.
Don't sit there. Go out and do something you enjoy doing. You're not his keeper and you're only going to get aggravated.
Trust me, I've been where you are. And you know what? Now my ex--who lollygagged in finishing his undergrad while married to me--has a Masters and is going for his PhD, has a job as a teacher, is remarried, and has two kids. He had to be pushed off the cliff to learn how to fly. Consider your leaving your BF something you are doing for both of you, because if you have been applying for jobs for him, you've been enabling him and have a certain amount of codependency, yourself, which is serving neither of you. I've been through that, too, although I didn't apply for jobs for him. I just paid all the bills.
Oh, and ignore the people who talk about how it's wise not to live together first. As you can see from my case, having the piece of paper doesn't make someone grow up.
I agree with Sue here. Give him his walking papers and you stay put. I know you care for him and hate hurting him, but he is dragging you down with his weakness. It will only get worse for you if you have children and need to face the stresses and challenges that come in later life. Don't prolong the inevitable, he will not change. Sorry this is going to be hard but must be done.
PS, worrying about dating and so on seems a little...premature. You don't need to be in a relationship right away, take your time, enjoy being with yourself alone.
I am not really worried about dating right now, I have really been focused on what happens when I do leave if I am going to just pay his rent up for the next 3 months to give him time to actually buckle down and apply without having to worry about the threat of an eviction or if I should I just wait till the lease ends in December and then go our separate ways. We don't have any kids, just a dog and will give up my furniture or whatever just to have him, he got him for me I love him dearly he's my kid.
You're making the right decision. I stood by my XH while he was out of work for 2 years. On unemployment you have to turn something in weekly showing you applied for a job.....but I don't know what is worse. Your guy for not looking or mine for looking, but spending, on average $1, 000/month on things he didn't need. To this day, he tells everyone I walked away cuz he had no job. He's still clueless, spending beyond his means. Leaving was one of the hardest things i have ever done, but I'm so happy I left. You will be too after your life is less stressful because of him.
Don't sit there. Go out and do something you enjoy doing. You're not his keeper and you're only going to get aggravated.
Trust me, I've been where you are. And you know what? Now my ex--who lollygagged in finishing his undergrad while married to me--has a Masters and is going for his PhD, has a job as a teacher, is remarried, and has two kids. He had to be pushed off the cliff to learn how to fly. Consider your leaving your BF something you are doing for both of you, because if you have been applying for jobs for him, you've been enabling him and have a certain amount of codependency, yourself, which is serving neither of you. I've been through that, too, although I didn't apply for jobs for him. I just paid all the bills.
Oh, and ignore the people who talk about how it's wise not to live together first. As you can see from my case, having the piece of paper doesn't make someone grow up.
I believe that would make matters worse and more complicated because then it would have to go to the courts and I would probably end up having to pay alimony. As for as applying to jobs for him this bout of unemployment, I decided not to do it and haven't. He sits there and tells me all about how he wants us in a house and is tired of renting, how he wants his drivers license back (suspended), etc. But doing nothing to work toward these things with me.
You're making the right decision. I stood by my XH while he was out of work for 2 years. On unemployment you have to turn something in weekly showing you applied for a job.....but I don't know what is worse. Your guy for not looking or mine for looking, but spending, on average $1, 000/month on things he didn't need. To this day, he tells everyone I walked away cuz he had no job. He's still clueless, spending beyond his means. Leaving was one of the hardest things i have ever done, but I'm so happy I left. You will be to after your life is less stressful because of him.
I hope I have the same outcome as you when everything hits the fan. I know he is going to maintain that I left him because he didn't have a job while ignoring the fact that I stood by him many times before. I am leaving him because he refuses to look for a job.
I hope I have the same outcome as you when everything hits the fan. I know he is going to maintain that I left him because he didn't have a job while ignoring the fact that I stood by him many times before. I am leaving him because he refuses to look for a job.
Actually, after what you said about his driver's license being suspended, it sounds like you're leaving him for irresponsibility in general. I'm willing to wager there are other things that demonstrate it. I mean, is he at least cooking and cleaning? Is he running errands and doing something to contribute to the household in at least some way? Or is he sitting on his arse all day just making messes for you to clean up when you get home?
Plan your exit strategy. If he were 20 and you were around that age as well I would say something else, but he is a grown man who seems happy to sit and play games. He is going to wake up some day with no money, nothing in retirement, nada.
Oh, and when he throws a fit and tells you how awful and unsupportive you are don't buy it.
Actually, after what you said about his driver's license being suspended, it sounds like you're leaving him for irresponsibility in general. I'm willing to wager there are other things that demonstrate it. I mean, is he at least cooking and cleaning? Is he running errands and doing something to contribute to the household in at least some way? Or is he sitting on his arse all day just making messes for you to clean up when you get home?
He will cook and clean (sometimes), he doesn't really have any errands to do, but if something needs to be picked up from the grocery, he will text me so I can stop at the store to pick it up. His co-workers told him through the grapevine they heard he may get called back to work, so technically instead of being proactive and doing something else for the meantime he is waiting for that call.
Plan your exit strategy. If he were 20 and you were around that age as well I would say something else, but he is a grown man who seems happy to sit and play games. He is going to wake up some day with no money, nothing in retirement, nada.
Oh, and when he throws a fit and tells you how awful and unsupportive you are don't buy it.
I am, I am not arguing nor giving off any negative attitude towards him; we laugh and get along because I accept that he is who he is now and fully understand he will not change, I simply cannot accept that in my life anymore. I am biding my time and when the time comes I will provide my proof and be packed to leave.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
