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Maybe he's just not a pedophile, and prefers a wife his own age?
He can still have kids, though -- marry a woman with kids, or one who wants to adopt!
He can still have kids if he marries someone in their late 30's or very early 40's. Plenty of women have kids in their 40's. Some can't, but a lot do. He's just being alarmist, or is into feeling sorry for himself, or something.
Honestly, Atlguy, I don't know why you continue to think along this tangent.
If you were a woman, I'd say that yes, at 44, your likelihood of birthing a child was low.
But YOU ARE A GUY. You have at least 30 more years to impregnate a woman.
You are stuck in this self imposed, limiting belief that it's impossible to have kids at your age and it's just not true.
Seriously stop thinking like that.
Some people insist on being their own worst enemies, they just can't seem to help it
Thank you. I do have a lawyer and I will be fine financially while I continue my education and go back into the work force. My children will be taken care of and that's the most important thing. I'm not out to bleed him dry, but I do want what is fair. I plan on looking for support groups. Has anyone been with their kids 24/7 for years and then have to be go without them on weekends and weekdays? This is going to be the hardest thing. My husband has never been with the kids more than 24 hrs by himself, ever. He's never made a school lunch or helped with homework. I'm just curious how people have coped with this transition? I've already called a counsellor/therapist for myself and my children. I want them to be supported as much as possible and keep structure and consistently in their daily lives. Our priest is aware and soon their closest friend's families will know. I won't fill them in all the horrible details, just the fact that my kids will need their friends and their families support.
Again, I am far from perfect and have my faults. I know it's takes two...but that being said, I'm still blown away. Half of my life has been supporting this man and his dreams, ambitions, hobbies, and football teams. Thank you for the kind words.
Atlguy,
It's never too late!
Again, thank you. Thank you for the advice, kind words and just being a sounding board.
Warmly,
Last edited by New-beginning; 08-19-2013 at 12:50 AM..
Since the marriage is beyond repair, I agree with the others: tell this story to your lawyer and the judge in family court.
However, for the good of your own future happiness, it might be a good idea to look deeper into the part you played in this breakup, so history repeat itself.
Honestly, Atlguy, I don't know why you continue to think along this tangent.
If you were a woman, I'd say that yes, at 44, your likelihood of birthing a child was low.
But YOU ARE A GUY. You have at least 30 more years to impregnate a woman.
You are stuck in this self imposed, limiting belief that it's impossible to have kids at your age and it's just not true.
Seriously stop thinking like that.
I understand what you're saying. What I'm saying is as I get older, meeting a woman in her 30's becomes less likely. It doesn't matter if "theoretically" I can have kids at 70. Who in their right mind would do that? The point is finding someone in her 30's in a city where its nearly impossible and not wanting to be an old Dad. In other words, I already would be an old Dad, and at some point will have to just let it go. I'm close to that point, unfortunately. Also, older fathers run the risk of a child having a birth defect such as Down's, so something else to consider.
I understand what you're saying. What I'm saying is as I get older, meeting a woman in her 30's becomes less likely. It doesn't matter if "theoretically" I can have kids at 70. Who in their right mind would do that? The point is finding someone in her 30's in a city where its nearly impossible and not wanting to be an old Dad. In other words, I already would be an old Dad, and at some point will have to just let it go. I'm close to that point, unfortunately. Also, older fathers run the risk of a child having a birth defect such as Down's, so something else to consider.
I know someone who was divorced at young age. She's was in her 40s and wanted children. She went to china and adopted 2 Chinese girls. She's 60 and has one in HS the other in college. It's possible. Btw she has to work full time. She was not and could not be a SAHM. You do have options if it's children you want.
Thank you. I do have a lawyer and I will be fine financially while I continue my education and go back into the work force. My children will be taken care of and that's the most important thing. I'm not out to bleed him dry, but I do want what is fair. I plan on looking for support groups. Has anyone been with their kids 24/7 for years and then have to be go without them on weekends and weekdays? This is going to be the hardest thing. My husband has never been with the kids more than 24 hrs by himself, ever. He's never made a school lunch or helped with homework. I'm just curious how people have coped with this transition? I've already called a counsellor/therapist for myself and my children. I want them to be supported as much as possible and keep structure and consistently in their daily lives. Our priest is aware and soon their closest friend's families will know. I won't fill them in all the horrible details, just the fact that my kids will need their friends and their families support.
Again, I am far from perfect and have my faults. I know it's takes two...but that being said, I'm still blown away. Half of my life has been supporting this man and his dreams, ambitions, hobbies, and football teams. Thank you for the kind words.
Atlguy,
It's never too late!
Again, thank you. Thank you for the advice, kind words and just being a sounding board.
Warmly,
You are doing all the right things - kudos for keeping a clear head at a time when I know you are truly hurting.
Try not to get too far ahead of yourself though, as doing so will leave you feeling more overwhelmed.
Plus, this all just happened like 5 minutes ago in the grand scheme of things - so you need time to just process all you are going through without rushing through it or glossing over it. Slow down, BREATHE
I would say that you are actually probably still in shock and may not even realize it. Just remember, when the shock wears off and anger comes - and it will - you must do your utmost to handle it appropriately or your children will suffer the consequences.
I know, that's a tall order, but children take on a protectiveness over the parent they see hurting and take on their sadness, anger and grief too. Professional guidance will be crucial at that point, so I'm glad you are already setting up therapists visits.
With your husband's extreme work/travel and social schedule it's very likely he won't want to take the kids as often as you are afraid he will. Let your lawyer guide you on how to structure a visitation schedule that keeps THEIR best interests in mind, not one that necessarily gives your husband 50-50 time with them.
I understand what you're saying. What I'm saying is as I get older, meeting a woman in her 30's becomes less likely. It doesn't matter if "theoretically" I can have kids at 70. Who in their right mind would do that? The point is finding someone in her 30's in a city where its nearly impossible and not wanting to be an old Dad. In other words, I already would be an old Dad, and at some point will have to just let it go. I'm close to that point, unfortunately. Also, older fathers run the risk of a child having a birth defect such as Down's, so something else to consider.
There is always the possibility, IF YOU KEEP YOUR MIND OPEN TO IT, that you will meet a lovely woman with a child or two in need of a father figure in their lives. You wouldn't be too old to parent a 10 year old even when you are 60!
I'm a single mom too, it takes time before you get used to life without the other person. It can have sad moments. But really, in time you will be so proud of yourself for the strong choices you are making and are going to make for yourself and your kids. You will in time, be able to focus on the important things, even though it seems impossible sometimes now.Make the best choices you can for yourself and your kids.
Try to think of the future for them. Make a plan, stick to it. Keeping busy helps, it really does, and with kids-there are dozens of ways to keep busy.
Just saw this before going to bed. I am very sorry this has happened to you. My story is very similar to yours (Connecticut Board, I wrote more on page 3).
I am 32 and raising three little children, pregnant with a fourth. Yes, my H convinced me how lovely it would be o have a fourth child. Like you I had a successful career that I relinquished in rder to support his. I too have done the hosting and shared pleasantries with colleagues and work afiliates.
I am very much struggeling to keep it together, I often tear up or start to cry. Sometimes I have panic attacks like an elephant is sitting on my chest or my chest hurts as if I've been stabbed. I cannot begin to understand him, I hear what he says but the words don't make sense.
Sorry, mustn't go on about myself. You really have enough on your plate.
It is helping me take baby steps, set a road map and plan for my own life and that of my children.
Do you have friends and family near by who can help? As others have pointed out you should not go through this alone. Please lean on all the support you can get. It is important that you look after yourself and don't use distractions such as alcohol or other things to numb the pain.
Does he see the children? Has he made plans? What's his road map?
I hate. To spring it on you but I urge you to copy all your documents: birth certificates, wedding certs, kids birth certs, bank account details spanning years, pension plans, deeds of the house and whatever other assets in both or either of your names. Keep and make copies of your expenditures and if possible his as well to prove what sort of life standard you and the children have.
If there is another woman involved she will try and make him cut the expenditure on you and the family down and lavish her with it. Please be smart and go see a lawyer.
Again, you have my sympathies, I am very sorry for you and our children. You sound a wonderful person, please do not let him bring you down. your life holds so much more than this marriage to an ungrateful cheat. Forgive me but he sounds like a total **** and he will in time come to pay for it. Karma.
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Thank you for the kind words. 
