Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I’m living with my gf and she is just about to finish her master’sd egree in education, but there are a few problems. By the time she’s done, she’ll be about 35Kin debt (student loans + car payments), but has no job and minimal teaching prospects in the region we live in. Sure, she gets interviews for various lower-end districts for a variety of positions – leave replacement, permanent sub, ad hoc subbing, TA’s, and fullon teaching (rarely), but nothing more comes from it. Her last “full” time position was about 6 months of leave replacement at a district but they didn’t have the means tohire her back as a permanent sub for this coming school year. Herlast avenue for work was this tutoring job she used to do, but they don’t giveher any hours and when they did, they were 1-4 hour shifts at minimum wage, so maybe enough to pay a bill but that’s it. Although I think she shot herself in the foot when she told them shecouldn’t work weekends or nights – her reasoning was that it was because those would be the only times I’m home. I’m usually in the city for 12-13 hours a day – now more since I started mymasters.
So when all is said and done, she has this huge lump of debt and no real means right now to pay it off. She actually collects disability every few months because she has an autoimmune condition, but that’s chump change in the grand scheme of things. What I tried to tell is that she needs income and steadily. I know it’stough out there to find something, but surely it’s possible to find SOMETHING to lessen the damaging debt? It sure beats sitting at home all day watching Full House and Charmed. It’s a bad feeling coming home after a longday and she’s acting all lethargic.
I’m sure a few people would say to dump her and get it over with, but I can’t do that nor do I want to. It would be wrong to do it for that reason anyway – supposed I’m unemployed for a long time? I think shewould want to be there for me. This is really the only issue with the relationship and she’s a great person overall. But the fact is, without that income on her half, it makes me want to postpone getting married, kids, ahouse, etc. I think she’s personally waiting to win that “teaching lotto” that is, landing a full time position in ahigh rated district with track to tenure; but regardless, she needs steady income and needs it now no matter what it takes to get it. How can I knock some sense into her to just take whatever job she can?
you're talking two different issues.
i would consider someone's debt when seriously dating them (i.e. marriage is on the table). i would consider breaking it off with someone if they had excessive debt. however, $35k in student debt is not all that much. it isn't ideal, but it is reasonable. To me $35k in debt doesn't quite meet the threshold where it would really worry me.
the second issue is her unwillingness to leave her comfort zone in order to find a job. i don't have to explain why this is problematic; you just ought to understand that if you move forward with marriage, her debt will become y'all's debt. To me that's the real issue - you basically have to gauge how responsible you think she will be, and decide if you're ready to be somebody's sugar daddy.
And also realize, if you end up paying off that $35k for her, she isn't going to feel obligated to you in any way; that just isn't how this sort of thing works out. If anything she will come to expect more of that sort of treatment.
in regards to relocation, I'm actually stuck for a few more years on long island/NYC because my company is paying for my masters so it wouldn't make sense to stop half way through.
in regards to relocation, I'm actually stuck for a few more years on long island/NYC because my company is paying for my masters so it wouldn't make sense to stop half way through.
You might want to read the fine print, a lot of times companies require you to give them a certain amount of time in terms of payback.....
I have an idea for your girlfriend... try tutoring. I don't know what the prices are like in your area, but I hired a tutor for my daughter last year to help with reading. She charged me $75 an hour (and she had more than one student she was tutoring--by the way, she worked out great!). Seems like good money and your girlfriend could pace things so she gets breaks between students. But you have to remember to withhold taxes.
Depending on what state you live in, this could become your debt very easily. Common law marriages are recognized as legal marriages in some states after living together for a short period of time. If dumping her is not an option, then I see no way out for you except putting a smile on your face and paying her debt. If she doesn't want to work nights or weekends, then paying off the debt is not really all that important to her. Can she afford to support herself if she lived alone? Does the word "sucker" ever come to mind? I see two choices, there is no way to make her get a job without getting her out of your house, so dumping her or paying her bill is what you have left.
in regards to relocation, I'm actually stuck for a few more years on long island/NYC because my company is paying for my masters so it wouldn't make sense to stop half way through.
As someone who worked full time and went through grad school full time, I think you will start to figure out there might be something going on with her that she couldn't do both simultaneously. Especially since you will be making it work doing both. You will become resentful if she's still waiting for a perfect job to fall in her lap while you are working and going to school.
You might want to ask this same question in the personal Finance section, too. A lot of folks leave college with that piece of paper and a mountain of debt. If you were to look for someone with out, that might mean not finding a college-educated person.
I'd gently ask about relocation again if you are up for a move. Going where the jobs are is a smart thing to do, even if it's not a permanent move. Though be weary or after you're married with kids and living elsewhere, she'll come here and start a post about "Is it fair to ask my husband to move?"
But her sitting at home watching "Full House" and "Charmed"? That would be a deal breaker for me!
you need to sit down and start drawing out a fixed plan to move the debt and ambition issues forward and stick to it. if she cant or continues to keep making excuses....you have your answer right there as to how serious she feels about things
sit down, have a serious conversation about finances and where you want to be in the next few years regarding the entire relationship, then draw out a plan to achieve your shared wants and needs.
then follow through on them. make both long term and short term goals for yourselves
right now you guys are attempting to fly blind and deal day by day....it isnt going to work unless you win the lotto and she finds some magical ambition pills
she doesn't have "no means" to pay it off, she hasn't even bothered to attempt to to have the knowledge of her means
I’m living with my gf and she is just about to finish her master’sd egree in education, but there are a few problems. By the time she’s done, she’ll be about 35Kin debt (student loans + car payments), but has no job and minimal teaching prospects in the region we live in. Sure, she gets interviews for various lower-end districts for a variety of positions – leave replacement, permanent sub, ad hoc subbing, TA’s, and fullon teaching (rarely), but nothing more comes from it. Her last “full” time position was about 6 months of leave replacement at a district but they didn’t have the means tohire her back as a permanent sub for this coming school year. Herlast avenue for work was this tutoring job she used to do, but they don’t giveher any hours and when they did, they were 1-4 hour shifts at minimum wage, so maybe enough to pay a bill but that’s it. Although I think she shot herself in the foot when she told them shecouldn’t work weekends or nights – her reasoning was that it was because those would be the only times I’m home. I’m usually in the city for 12-13 hours a day – now more since I started mymasters.
So when all is said and done, she has this huge lump of debt and no real means right now to pay it off. She actually collects disability every few months because she has an autoimmune condition, but that’s chump change in the grand scheme of things. What I tried to tell is that she needs income and steadily. I know it’stough out there to find something, but surely it’s possible to find SOMETHING to lessen the damaging debt? It sure beats sitting at home all day watching Full House and Charmed. It’s a bad feeling coming home after a longday and she’s acting all lethargic.
I’m sure a few people would say to dump her and get it over with, but I can’t do that nor do I want to. It would be wrong to do it for that reason anyway – supposed I’m unemployed for a long time? I think shewould want to be there for me. This is really the only issue with the relationship and she’s a great person overall. But the fact is, without that income on her half, it makes me want to postpone getting married, kids, ahouse, etc. I think she’s personally waiting to win that “teaching lotto” that is, landing a full time position in ahigh rated district with track to tenure; but regardless, she needs steady income and needs it now no matter what it takes to get it. How can I knock some sense into her to just take whatever job she can?
That's something that she has to do get on her own. Students loans are set up to pay off over a long period of time so yes she will have debt but will probably have to it pay off over the next 10 years. Encourage her to take the lower paid position but continue looking.
FYI my friend finished law school with loans that exceeded $100,000.00, He is a partner in a law firm but will be paying those loan for the next 30 years.
You'd be hard pressed to find many students who don't have a good chunk of debt to pay off once they graduate. In one of my seminar classes, out of 12 students, only one was not attending on loans (her parents had $$).
The issues I see are that she's not working when she should be and that it appears she may not be able to find work (which makes sense if she's not getting any experience now). I think a great majority of grad students work while they go to school; there's really no reason not to. I work a demanding up to 70 hour a week job and still ace my courses. I'm sure your gf could get a no-pressure retail job or something (house sitting, pet sitting, etc). Her condition might make her tired, but she should have thought about that before she dove into debt.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
