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I would never get involved with a forced birther. I funded an abortion in 1983 and I am not in any way ashamed of that, in fact, I'm proud I had the courage of my convictions, that I would not be a parent. My partner at the time did not want children. That changed 16 years later and we divorced. I didn't want kids, I don't want kids, I don't much like kids, and that's that.
That's mah story and I'm stickin' to it.
Not sure why you would be proud of on abortion? Seems like an unfortunate situation to me, whether you are pro-choice or pro-life, and can't imagine being proud of it. I wouldn't date someone that had views like that.
This is a big deal to me. I don't support the killing of innocent life. I also would need to see eye to on eye on stuff like going to war & owning weapons. I think he would need to share the same deep respect for human life, and to me, this means feeling abortion is wrong. Political stances don't mean anything to me - it's about personal decisions and responsibility.
I suspect it is more of a dealbreaker for women than men. If you are a pro-choice woman, it would be hard to see eye to eye with a man who does not respect her right to make decisions about her own body, especially because that view of women as needing to be controlled can manifest in lots of different ways.
And if you are a pro life woman, it would be hard to see eye to eye with a man who would expect you to have an abortion if an unplanned pregnancy threatened the goals you had set as a couple.
If you are a pro life man, it would be hard to see eye to eye with a woman who would abort your child, as well.
A difference in opinion on this matter would be a deal breaker with me, absolutely. I can enjoy friendships with others whose opinion on this differs from mine, but our shared lives most likely wouldn't involve pregnancies and children and grandchildren.
I think it's up to the parents, obviously, and it's something that should be discussed prior to having sex. If you can't discuss your opinions on child rearing and pregnancy or birth control, you probably shouldn't be having sex with that person.
I'm stunned that you think it should be ranked #400. Do you think everyone ranks things the same as you do? Abortion may not be a big deal to you, but it is to a lot of us. Keep in mind that abortion isn't a trivial issue like which football team you root for or whether you like jazz. Abortion is a values issue, which means your position on it is a pretty good indicator of your values system. I'm not suggesting that someone who's pro-choice is bad or that someone pro-life is bad. The point is that lasting relationships generally require that both people be on the same page when it comes to their values. And it isn't just a matter of whether they agree with my views on abortion, but also WHY. Not everyone who's pro-choice is that way for the same reasons. I wouldn't want to date someone who disagrees with me on such an important issue, but I can respect their position if I understand their reasons and they make sense to me.
Mod cut: Off topic.
Sure, it's about values, but it's also about practicality. People can get very, very upset when the woman gets pregnant and they both realise they had opposing assumptions about how an accidental pregnancy would be handled.
The deeper issue isn’t necessarily one’s views on abortion, but the context of those views; in other words, the world-view from which stems one’s set of opinions on “social issues” such as abortion. I would have difficulty forming and sustaining an intimate relationship with a women whose world-view profoundly diverged from my own. Presumably the topic of world-view would arise early in the dating cycle, under the context of religion (or lack thereof) and philosophy.
I was reading another thread where some posters said it was a dealbreaker if their partner had different views than them on being pro-choice or pro-life. I was stunned because that should be like #400 on the list of things of partners you should be looking at.
I disagree.
The problem is, people don't hold ideas in a vacuum. A person who holds opposite views on abortion is very likely a person who also holds completely different views on religion, politics, human rights, male/female relationships, parenting, etc, etc, etc. In short, they are likely to have a completely different view of reality and completely different values. That does not make for long-term relationship success.
The problem is, people don't hold ideas in a vacuum. A person who holds opposite views on abortion is very likely a person who also holds completely different views on religion, politics, human rights, male/female relationships, parenting, etc, etc, etc. In short, they are likely to have a completely different view of reality and completely different values. That does not make for long-term relationship success.
To the extent that I don't want them asking me to have one, yes, I care.
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