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She won't wait that long. Women expect a proposal at about this time, 1.5 years, and if it does not come they take it as a sign that they should move on.
Women have a need to be in a relationship with a lover, family member, or animal (cat or dog). They don't like to be alone. So they rationalize that a man who wants to wait doesn't love her. They fear being a "forever girlfriend" because it feels like permanently working temp. They don't realize men aren't in a rush to get married because men don't have such a strong need to be in a relationship. Men want to be hundred percent sure the person they are marrying is worth it. Men dislike divorce. It's like getting laid off from a career. So a man must be a hundred percent sure they get a woman where the situation will be for the best.
Wanting to be 100% sure is the kind of mentality that leads to divorce, IMO. You can never be 100% sure of anything, and people are static & do not stay the same. The mentality needed is loving someone enough & respecting yourself enough to grow together, to be flexible without being a doormat.
Wanting to be sure of every variable so as to control the outcome of the future 100% is going to lead to inevitable disappointment. It also tends to breed inflexibility, as nothing can change if you want the exact same formula you went in with, and nothing changing is not reality.
A relationship is not always going to be the best situation at every given moment either. Anyone married a long time will generally say there are serious ups & downs, so expecting the relationship to always be the best possible situation of the moment is unrealistic also.
I maintain these are the kinds of attitudes that lead people to divorce when things are rough or not the way they anticipated or desire at the moment.
Women don't want commitment because they have a greater need for relationships. If they are in a relationship, then that need is filled; women often have closer emotional bonds with their friends too, so they arguably fulfill many relationship needs outside of romance more easily. Generally, they want commitment in a relationship because of stability & security, which is needed if you want other things in the relationship that require personal risk & investment (ie. children, building a home together).
Socially, a woman invests her youth into relationships. Unfortunately, her worth is highly tied to youthfulness, and this makes her time very valuable.
If he doesn't have much going for himself, OP might be afraid that his GF will wake-up from her semi-comatose condition one day, discover her self-worth, and look for a man in her own league.
Quit being a pansy. Its 6 f'ing years. She's 32 not 92. My wife is 20 years older than I am. I was 23 when we met she was 43. You think we got some stares? You're hung up on yourself and what others think of the relationship not her age. If you're happy with her and everything in the relationship is going great quit whining. I'll tell you this right now. If you go through life wondering what others think and make your choices based on what they perceive as right or wrong you will always lose. I have never given a thought what anyone thinks of my personal choices in love finance or life in general.
( I've been with my wife or 20 years and she is still the right one for me) live your life for you and her not someone else.
Good luck in your decision.
Thread should have ended right here. ^^^^ That was awesome.
1.
Marriage is a huge decision, and I think I'm creating problems that don't exist. It's just that I see all of my friends and most are dating girls younger than them, or their age, and I can't help but think that I'm doing something against the grain. I'm also afraid that our best years are coming to an end...While she is still very young, what would happen in a few more years when we settle down and get kids? I'm scared of her losing her youthfulness and her bubbly character, which is what made me fall in love with her in the first place...
You know what happend when my mom found out who I was dating and how old she was? Imagine Linda Blair in The Exorcist. You know what I did? Like Eminem said I don't give a F. I literally looked m mom and step dad in the eyes and told her I'm marrying this woman and you are not gonna stop me. Just try me. They didn't come to the wedding. I still got married. My mom and step dad are divorced.
You know what my friends said when I introduced her to my friends? Nothing. They were my friends and supported me in my decision just as I would go to bat for them. Not that it would make a damn bit of difference if they didn't like it. Its not their life.
I knew deep down she was the one for me. And all her friends took her aside and said girl he's a20 something bucking bronco go have fun but don't marry him. She blew them all off. 20 years later everyone is eating their words wishing they had a relationship like we do. Pretty much everyone we know has been divorced. Not bad for a couple that nobody gave more than a year to last.. If either her or I would if listened to others we wouldn't have what we have now. We're not pimping Ferraris but we busted our butts to make a nice nest egg together. Stop worrying about what others think. My wife never let her happy bubbly self go.. She still makes me laugh. Every day we still feel like its a new date. we had maybe 5 fights in 20 years and none lasted more than a few hours. Sure were older and not so fit anymore hey things happen but I still see her the way I always saw her. Smart beautiful caring and funny person that she always was.
You my friend are afraid of what family, friends and society will think. . She sounds ideal but you can't see past "what will others think of me with this "older woman" next to me"? Dont give me the what hapens in a few years when we have kids song and dance she will lose her youthfulness and bubbly character. Your problem is that you think maybe her azz won't be so tight or her boobs will sag or her stomach will show stretch marks. Oh no she doesn't look like that hot girl she used to be. Well guess what pal maybe you won't be the hot stud you are now all muscled up and 6pack abs. But hey listen to what everyone else thinks and says.
You know what i hear in your posts! . I ME MINE. You're too damn insecure to marry her. I suggest you let her move on to someone else. Hope you get past your selfish state
Good luck. I have a feeling she will be the fish that got away story later in life
You know what happend when my mom found out who I was dating and how old she was? Imagine Linda Blair in The Exorcist. You know what I did? Like Eminem said I don't give a F. I literally looked m mom and step dad in the eyes and told her I'm marrying this woman and you are not gonna stop me. Just try me. They didn't come to the wedding. I still got married. My mom and step dad are divorced.
You know what my friends said when I introduced her to my friends? Nothing. They were my friends and supported me in my decision just as I would go to bat for them. Not that it would make a damn bit of difference if they didn't like it. Its not their life.
I knew deep down she was the one for me. And all her friends took her aside and said girl he's a20 something bucking bronco go have fun but don't marry him. She blew them all off. 20 years later everyone is eating their words wishing they had a relationship like we do. Pretty much everyone we know has been divorced. Not bad for a couple that nobody gave more than a year to last.. If either her or I would if listened to others we wouldn't have what we have now. We're not pimping Ferraris but we busted our butts to make a nice nest egg together. Stop worrying about what others think. My wife never let her happy bubbly self go.. She still makes me laugh. Every day we still feel like its a new date. we had maybe 5 fights in 20 years and none lasted more than a few hours. Sure were older and not so fit anymore hey things happen but I still see her the way I always saw her. Smart beautiful caring and funny person that she always was.
You my friend are afraid of what family, friends and society will think. . She sounds ideal but you can't see past "what will others think of me with this "older woman" next to me"? Dont give me the what hapens in a few years when we have kids song and dance she will lose her youthfulness and bubbly character. Your problem is that you think maybe her azz won't be so tight or her boobs will sag or her stomach will show stretch marks. Oh no she doesn't look like that hot girl she used to be. Well guess what pal maybe you won't be the hot stud you are now all muscled up and 6pack abs. But hey listen to what everyone else thinks and says.
You know what i hear in your posts! . I ME MINE. You're too damn insecure to marry her. I suggest you let her move on to someone else. Hope you get past your selfish state
Good luck. I have a feeling she will be the fish that got away story later in life
1. Our sex life is incredible. She pleases me in every way imaginable, and I like to reciprocate. She always had a very high libido, and I find it difficult at times to keep up with her.
2.She also has a very positive body image since she exercises regularly and eats very healthily. She never smoked, did drugs, or drank alcohol (I used to do all of those things frequently) so perhaps that's why she looks a lot younger than she is.
3. She also views sex as something enjoyable. She views it as something to please her man, and to please her. Our sex life really is incredible, and I would say better than 95% of other couples out there.
4. She dresses very well and promiscuously. She likes to show off her body, and I'm fine with that. She also wears some light make up when we're going out.
5. Again, she has a very regimented workout routine, and eats very healthily. Her mother and siblings are very fit, so I'm sure both genetics and the way she was raised allows her to stay very fit.
I agree that it was a bit strange for her to refrain from dating, but her father is a bit of a tyrant and made things very difficult for her. She is now far more independent than before. She has a PhD and has a very good career. She also likes to express herself a lot more, and likes to voice her opinion. She only remained immature in terms of her character and interests, but again, I find that endearing. Also, the reason why she decided to date me was that she thought I was worth the trouble she'd get in for her father. She has been approached by many guys before meeting me, and even currently...but she just wasn't interested in them, and didn't think her father would approve of them. I am in very good terms with her parents now, and her father treats me as his son.
Marriage is a huge decision, and I think I'm creating problems that don't exist. It's just that I see all of my friends and most are dating girls younger than them, or their age, and I can't help but think that I'm doing something against the grain. I'm also afraid that our best years are coming to an end...While she is still very young, what would happen in a few more years when we settle down and get kids? I'm scared of her losing her youthfulness and her bubbly character, which is what made me fall in love with her in the first place...
She sounds like quite the catch!!! There are not many girls who have all of that in check. Honestly I think it will be hard to find someone else with a good career, ambition, sex drive, looks and good personality.
And how is his peer pressure any different than those women who want to get married because their friends are getting married, or they see random women with babies and become jealous, or their family pressures them to settle down?
Many of who are desperate to get married end up resenting their husbands for not living up to their unrealistic fantasies.
It's not! But he's not asking about that!! That isn't what this thread is about. He never said his girl was pressuring him for marriage because she was jealous of some random girl with a baby, DID HE?? NO. So that point is moot for this situation. Should he come back and say that is part of the problem, then of course that issue I would have address. But at this time, it seems that he really wants to be with this girl, but part of the reason was peer pressure, which seems ridiculous - silly to give up someone that is perfect for him because he may be worried what others think. That IS the issue - not pressure from the girl.
If he wants to wait, then he should. It just doesn't sound like he is sure that he does.
Honestly dude, she sounds like an amazing young woman. If I were in your shoes, I'd ask her for marriage. I'd understand your hesitation if she was +10 years older than you, but you're worried about a measly 6 year age gap.
Think long and hard about this.
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