If you cant get anyone youre attracted to should you go after people you're not attracted to? (Christian, boyfriend)
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I imagine for people who have lots of options that the line between attracted and unattracted is very rigid.
I mean for me, there's this woman who works in my office who is in her mid to late 50s, is chubby and I think she's pretty hot. There's so much gray area with what I am attracted to. And I do think that whether you think black/white or in shades of grey has a lot to do with not only the amount of options you have, but the way you were raised to think about attraction.
I guess if you're so rigid in your attraction, then you shouldn't. But if you feel so lonely that you have to keep asking if you should take a chance on an ugly person, then yea, I guess go for it.
I imagine for people who have lots of options that the line between attracted and unattracted is very rigid.
I mean for me, there's this woman who works in my office who is in her mid to late 50s, is chubby and I think she's pretty hot. There's so much gray area with what I am attracted to. And I do think that whether you think black/white or in shades of grey has a lot to do with not only the amount of options you have, but the way you were raised to think about attraction.
I guess if you're so rigid in your attraction, then you shouldn't. But if you feel so lonely that you have to keep asking if you should take a chance on an ugly person, then yea, I guess go for it.
Go for who you are attracted to and never settle. You will be unhappy. I could never be with somebody I wasn't attracted to. I'd rather be alone.
When I was in college, I was really attracted to jocks. Didn't really work out so well for me. Making out after a party? Sure. Relationship-wise, not so much. But my college was not a place where people really dated - it was all about hook ups or else long term relationships. Nothing in between.
When I got to graduate school, I found myself attracted to the same guys everybody was attracted to. Again. And I made a concerted effort to change my focus. Seriously. One day I was like, "Enough!" And I started paying attention to which guys I actually enjoyed hanging out with, as opposed to which guys made it hard for me to speak a coherent sentence.
Guess what? Attraction absolutely grows! Two of the guys that I would say were my favorite people EVER were not guys that you would call conventionally attractive by any stretch. But I got to know them, I loved hanging out with them, and I was absolutely totally in love with each of them (at different times, haha). And when it started, the only thing I was really attracted to was their personalities.
I will also tell you, though, that the first time I met my husband I did swoon a little, and I am still very attracted to him. But I would never date somebody based solely on appearance. There is so much more than that to a person!!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chrissycs
When I was in college, I was really attracted to jocks. Didn't really work out so well for me. Making out after a party? Sure. Relationship-wise, not so much. But my college was not a place where people really dated - it was all about hook ups or else long term relationships. Nothing in between.
When I got to graduate school, I found myself attracted to the same guys everybody was attracted to. Again. And I made a concerted effort to change my focus. Seriously. One day I was like, "Enough!" And I started paying attention to which guys I actually enjoyed hanging out with, as opposed to which guys made it hard for me to speak a coherent sentence.
Guess what? Attraction absolutely grows! Two of the guys that I would say were my favorite people EVER were not guys that you would call conventionally attractive by any stretch. But I got to know them, I loved hanging out with them, and I was absolutely totally in love with each of them (at different times, haha). And when it started, the only thing I was really attracted to was their personalities.
I will also tell you, though, that the first time I met my husband I did swoon a little, and I am still very attracted to him. But I would never date somebody based solely on appearance. There is so much more than that to a person!!
To your last two sentences, we are talking about NOT dating people due to their appearance. My opinion is the same, no attraction, no date. Simple as that.
When I was in college, I was really attracted to jocks. Didn't really work out so well for me. Making out after a party? Sure. Relationship-wise, not so much. But my college was not a place where people really dated - it was all about hook ups or else long term relationships. Nothing in between.
How did people get to the long-term relationship stage without dating?
Guess what? Attraction absolutely grows! Two of the guys that I would say were my favorite people EVER were not guys that you would call conventionally attractive by any stretch. But I got to know them, I loved hanging out with them, and I was absolutely totally in love with each of them (at different times, haha). And when it started, the only thing I was really attracted to was their personalities.
I will also tell you, though, that the first time I met my husband I did swoon a little, and I am still very attracted to him. But I would never date somebody based solely on appearance. There is so much more than that to a person!!
I'm down with this. I've been surprised enough times by women who turned out to be extremely cool in spite of a "meh" outward appearance, that I'll talk to almost anyone now, and give them a chance. You never know. There are surprise packages out there. In a very good way.
When I was in college, I was really attracted to jocks. Didn't really work out so well for me. Making out after a party? Sure. Relationship-wise, not so much. But my college was not a place where people really dated - it was all about hook ups or else long term relationships. Nothing in between.
When I got to graduate school, I found myself attracted to the same guys everybody was attracted to. Again. And I made a concerted effort to change my focus. Seriously. One day I was like, "Enough!" And I started paying attention to which guys I actually enjoyed hanging out with, as opposed to which guys made it hard for me to speak a coherent sentence.
This is really the crux of the issue. No, you shouldn't date someone you are not attracted to, however there seem to be a few people here who have a very specific physical type, so specific that they can't get a date.
Part of dating is being open-minded, not rigid. Someone not falling into your exact preference doesn't mean they're unattractive. If you have your heart set on a curvy brunette, it doesn't make the blonde with the swimmer's build ugly. Your unwillingness to be more open to a variety of people is what is shooting yourself in the foot, because even if you find your physical ideal, it doesn't end at external appearance. Personality comes into play, not to mention a mutual attraction. Why anyone would want to narrow their scope such that it becomes so difficult to find someone is beyond me.
This is really the crux of the issue. No, you shouldn't date someone you are not attracted to, however there seem to be a few people here who have a very specific physical type, so specific that they can't get a date.
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People say that but it many cases IMO it goes out the window when you connect with a person. It has for me personally and I've said on here what I'm physically attracted to in a girl.
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