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Well my StL friends are aware of what's going on and they talk to the other group. Yes it will get out but I'm concerned that he's so impervious to social control that he won't notice or care. Still, gotta try right? After all, if he can't get laid he'll give up. Supposedly used to be a Clinical Psychologist. Scary. Yes, I guess this will blow over--they all know me a lot better than they do him.
Sounds good. He sounds like a nut job. Amazing that he was able to keep up a facade in front of you as long as he did. Live and learn. I guess that with more experience, we learn to take those red flags more seriously, and earlier on.
BTW, the broads can have him. I'm just concerned about damage control to my reputation for being dumb enough to date this clown.
I'd also go pick another guy and make sure he sees you with him. Doesn't even have to be a date or anything. Just "A GUY" you know who will do it. I would if I was near you.
I'm just concerned about damage control to my reputation for being dumb enough to date this clown.
Everyone makes mistakes. I was worried he was bad-mouthing you to the group, and making up a fictional account that made you the bad guy. But it seems like the situation isn't anywhere near that bad, so don't worry.
Nothing. He's doing whatever you can to irritate, annoy, anger, etc. you. Don't empower him. The icing on the cake for him would be if you quit the dance group. Don't do that, either.
[carry on and don't worry about the others - they'll figure it out]
If it's any consolation, sometimes you don't find out till years and a couple of kids later that they are like that, like my ex who still hounds me 14 years later. We are literally divorced longer than we were married and he still wont quit with the bs.
This guy is wandering around getting in your face on purpose, but with any luck he'll find one of those other women far more generous with their time and money than you ever were, and before you know it she'll be hissing at you in the bathroom to "keep away from my man".
At that point you know you've won.
If that doesn't happen and he continues being freaky, just stop going for a while. Sorry and all but it doesn't sound like you've got a lot of real friends there anyway, and the ones you do have will support you to come back and sort him out for you, or at the very least spy for you and let you know when he stops going/hooks up/stares at you across the room.
It'll all blow over I'm sure. He's not a 14+ year guy, he's a wimp. He won't have any stamina I bet, for stalking or anything else.
One of those guys who go all limp and bug eyed at any sort of a chore or challenge.
Sounds good. He sounds like a nut job. Amazing that he was able to keep up a facade in front of you as long as he did. Live and learn. I guess that with more experience, we learn to take those red flags more seriously, and earlier on.
Erm, I'm old enough to know better. This was my first relationship after the divorce from a very long marriage. And that's why this is so embarrassing. I'm a middle aged woman and consider myself pretty smart but don't feel so smart about relationships. It is quite possible that he's bad-mouthing me to the group--problem with someone like that is that you don't know what they're likely to do and that's why I'm so upset. It's not stalking, but it's creepy as he!!.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fire_Down_Below
I'd also go pick another guy and make sure he sees you with him. Doesn't even have to be a date or anything. Just "A GUY" you know who will do it. I would if I was near you.
I bet that might work better than anything else.
He'll go away then.
Tried that. Both nights he was there I made sure he saw me leave with another man. The other man was not a date but goofball didn't know that.
And yeah Mike, I've considered that me stopping dancing will just make him happy so I'm not going to do that--I think he's trying to ruin it for me b/c he's angry with me for dumping his azz in Glasgow--the poor baby had to sleep in his car! I mean, if you're going to go on a trip with someone and expect them to pay your way, at least have a backup plan.
Erm, I'm old enough to know better. This was my first relationship after the divorce from a very long marriage. And that's why this is so embarrassing. I'm a middle aged woman and consider myself pretty smart but don't feel so smart about relationships. It is quite possible that he's bad-mouthing me to the group--problem with someone like that is that you don't know what they're likely to do and that's why I'm so upset. It's not stalking, but it's creepy as he!!.
Tried that. Both nights he was there I made sure he saw me leave with another man. The other man was not a date but goofball didn't know that.
And yeah Mike, I've considered that me stopping dancing will just make him happy so I'm not going to do that--I think he's trying to ruin it for me b/c he's angry with me for dumping his azz in Glasgow--the poor baby had to sleep in his car! I mean, if you're going to go on a trip with someone and expect them to pay your way, at least have a backup plan.
Oh ho, now it comes out!
You dumped his arse in Glasgow?
You're talking Glasgow, Middle America not Glasgow, Scotland I presume? Either way it's not a joke to be without a soft warm bed and body at night when you've been expecting it.
If he persists with his bs or slander, just let word slip that the reason he slept in his car that night and forever more was one of the following -
You found out he had a picture of his mom, framed, that he placed beside the bed before disrobing;
You found out that he was challenged in a certain area, to the point that you would not participate in the baby oil/diaper/cucumber scenario he needs to get satisfaction;
He called his mom while in bed with you.
Any of the above will sort him out directly, possibly cause him to vanish entirely from your dances.
You go gurl. I can't stand men who stalk and harass. Suck it up why don't you, big boy...she's just not that into you!!!!!!
Erm, I'm old enough to know better. This was my first relationship after the divorce from a very long marriage. And that's why this is so embarrassing. I'm a middle aged woman and consider myself pretty smart but don't feel so smart about relationships. It is quite possible that he's bad-mouthing me to the group--problem with someone like that is that you don't know what they're likely to do and that's why I'm so upset. It's not stalking, but it's creepy as he!!.
Tried that. Both nights he was there I made sure he saw me leave with another man. The other man was not a date but goofball didn't know that.
And yeah Mike, I've considered that me stopping dancing will just make him happy so I'm not going to do that--I think he's trying to ruin it for me b/c he's angry with me for dumping his azz in Glasgow--the poor baby had to sleep in his car! I mean, if you're going to go on a trip with someone and expect them to pay your way, at least have a backup plan.
This situation is messy. Before I read this post, I was going to say "wow, this is terrible. What an a**!"
But now..... just messy.
He is pissssssssssssssssed. And he is trying to ruin something you enjoy. It is possible that he will not stop showing up for quite some time.
You have to make a decision. Do you go dancing, and not let him get to you?
Or do you stop going and find another similar place to dance at?
Truthfully, the other women probably don't want to hear all the drama. and of course, he will twist the story in his favor, as he already has.
You shouldn't have dumped a guy on vacation, and he shouldn't have showed up broke.
Being said, you both made mistakes, and you are both wrong.
It doesn't make you a bad person. But this is why having explosions on vacation is a really bad idea.
If you really really can't find another club to dance at, you may want to consider trying to talk to him one on one and admit dumping him on vaca was poor tact. I donno what good that will do now though. the damage is done already.
Some people are really good at being disruptive and creating excess problems in someones life.
This guy is one of them. Basically, you pissed off the wroooooooong guy.
FWIW, welcome to how guys treat each other.
Good luck. I personnally wouldn't know what the best course of action here is, but if you start talking trash and getting crazy, he will probably get just as crazy, and things will spiral.
Take the high road.
Sometimes we give bad people a chance and we get burned. I happens to most of us at some point.
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And that's why this is so embarrassing. I'm a middle aged woman and consider myself pretty smart but don't feel so smart about relationships. It is quite possible that he's bad-mouthing me to the group--problem with someone like that is that you don't know what they're likely to do and that's why I'm so upset. It's not stalking, but it's creepy as he!!. 
