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Look, you can't come on a message board and tell a story like that and think you are going to get all puppies and rainbows as a response. LOL.
Pause your hurt feelings and just look objectively at what you are saying:
1. Dude is, in your words, "a narcissist".
2. He is unemployed. That may not make him into a deadbeat but you haven't posted anything to show he's worth much (like, does he clean house and cook? Is he pursuing any kind of career? Maybe an artist or writer or something? Does he volunteer?)
3. He isn't exactly treating you in a loving way. Bringing you a sandwich every now and again plus hanging around for a convo every once in a while doesn't scream LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!! You seem to be asking if it is. The answer is no. If he had feelings and he was mature enough to be a good potential partner he wouldn't have taken you down this road in the first place, and if he was but he somehow ended up doing it out if sheer loneliness he'd be trying to fix the situation as quickly as possible by leaving his girlfriend so he could be with you. He's not doing any of that. He's playing games, seemingly trying to get caught. Even if it's on a subconscious level, that's ultra passive aggressive, and he'd just do that to you one day if you ended up with him.
Basically, he sounds like an immature deadbeat with some charm to his personality that allows him to reel in ladies.
I know that because his girlfriend is mean to him it makes it seem like she's a beyotch and he's a victim, but the thing is one doesn't automatically mean the other. She can be a beyotch AND he can be worthless. Or, maybe her way of dealing with him is backwards but there could be very good reasons she resents him so much. Maybe she was you a long time ago... meeting some nice guy who seemed to need her, getting attached to him, only to find out he's a passive-aggressive, unmotivated, leech when it all comes down to it. LOL
Or not. All I know is he doesn't sound like someone you would want to build with. He's not handling any of this well. And at 47 you really should know this stuff already. This is the kind of foolishness girls in their 20s get themselves into. I would ask myself why I am so willing to put myself in this situation in the first place.
Believe it or not I'm not trying to judge you. I am, however, trying to give you some straight talk. You really seem like you need to get snapped out of your bubble. I hope you get something out of it.
I will tell you this.. I am not trying to judge you either.. but at age 47? Don't get me wrong.. I have made my mistakes.. but I am too old for that now. I learned a few things after I did them.
Sounds to me that you have hooked into a loser.. you should already know that.. Since when do we take other people's rejects? There has to be a reason why this woman is not doing anything with him. The other part that is disturbing is she is your neighbor!!! What is going to happen once she finds out?
To me you need to shut it down and get him out of your life. I am sure you can do much better then him. You should know you shouldn't be messing with taken men. Nothing and I mean NOTHING comes good of that.
Be prepared for the fireworks and move on... it will be uncomfortable for a while but it will pass.. look elsewhere and not in your back yard..
Is what you are getting out of this relationship worth it? Your behavior and post say yes. But maybe those rose-colored glasses are coloring your view of the consequences to you.
If you want a bum who doesn't work, go ahead and take him. I'm sure he'll permanently jump the fence if you make enough money to help support him.
Wisdom doesn't automatically come with age.
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Dude has major personality disorders. Proof: He's been sponging off his gf for years and I'll bet she's tried to kick him out and been unsuccessful. She may have too much pride to admit it and she's probably hoping the OP will take him off her hands b/c then he'll be someone else's problem for awhile. He has no pride at all and that's a red flag. There are no feelings where this guy is concerned. He just likes to drift thru life and get some where he can and when the goodies quit coming he'll get ugly. Or put on some crying act to make someone feel sorry for him so they'll take him in and he can keep on doing what he does best--slothing.
Another way to look at this is to ask yourself what kind of man would stay with a woman long, long after the welcome mat has been withdrawn. Do you want that kind of man in your life? I dunno, it reeks of desperation--I'm several years older and would rather be alone than in a "relationship" like that.
Last edited by stepka; 10-07-2013 at 06:24 PM..
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