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I guess I should also mention, while having the conversations we had before we got engaged, it was never a deal breaker then. It was well whatever happens happens, with both of us okay with the possibility, him leaning more towards a family, and me more towards not.
It's only a deal breaker 4 years later.
No, it was a deal-breaker then. You two simply chose to delay the inevitable results of the deal-breaker. You're paying the piper now instead of paying back then.
Hopefully you've learned not to be so casual about such a fundamentally crucial issue with future relationships.
Why did not he say that in the first place? The whole misery loves company part made it seem like the guy is a bad person.
Gee Did you read the post where OP says she has tons of genetic issues. She is wondering if she should bring a potentially sick kid to the world.
My ex's doctors never thought having children is a good idea. His life is a living hell right now, chemotherapy after chemotherapy. His child is going to deal with the same damn thing. Why bring a child to the world just to suffer?
Why did not he say that in the first place? The whole misery loves company part made it seem like the guy is a bad person.
She did. He understood that. Point the gun at him not her. I don't care what you thought. You want to defend the guy who wants to breed then fine but I wasn't attacking him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981
Gee Did you read the post where OP says she has tons of genetic issues. She is wondering if she should bring a potentially sick kid to the world.
My ex's doctors never thought having children is a good idea. His life is a living hell right now, chemotherapy after chemotherapy. His child is going to deal with the same damn thing. Why bring a child to the world just to suffer?
It gives their own life meaning. Flipping pathetic is all. The human race has gone to hell in a hand basket.
So, since no one seems to have brought it up, I will...OP is 21. I didn't know what I wanted at 21 long term. I had an idea, and a good framework, but some of that has changed and shifted as life has dealt me my cards. All I'm saying is that you shouldn't divorce a husband out of a marriage that seems to be working in the interim until you're sure. At 21, you have a few years to figure out the proper course of action for you, and whats fairest to you and your husband. It might very well be that you get divorced, but it also may be a year or two or three from now that you decide to have a family. I might catch flak for what I'm going to say, but you also might get the "baby rabies" as it was called earlier when you see friends and peers having babies.
Gee Did you read the post where OP says she has tons of genetic issues. She is wondering if she should bring a potentially sick kid to the world.
My ex's doctors never thought having children is a good idea. His life is a living hell right now, chemotherapy after chemotherapy. His child is going to deal with the same damn thing. Why bring a child to the world just to suffer?
I'm not sure what that has to do with anything...
The OP's husband isn't a bad or undeserving person because he wants children. The OP's husband isn't your ex. The OP isn't a bad person either. But saying that she should find someone that deserves her does imply that the OP's husband is somehow unworthy of her simply because he desires children and she doesn't.
Like I said before - assigning blame is pointless. There is no blame - just two people who want different things out of life. And people can throw around things like it's selfish to want children or it's selfish to not want children - but none of that matters either. People want certain things out of life - and you can't have half a child.
The OP's husband isn't a bad or undeserving person because he wants children. The OP's husband isn't your ex. The OP isn't a bad person either. But saying that she should find someone that deserves her does imply that the OP's husband is somehow unworthy of her simply because he desires children and she doesn't.
Like I said before - assigning blame is pointless. There is no blame - just two people who want different things out of life. And people can throw around things like it's selfish to want children or it's selfish to not want children - but none of that matters either. People want certain things out of life - and you can't have half a child.
well, op's husband married a woman with genetic issues. She has valid concerns (doesn't want to bring a potentially sick kid to the world just to suffer) NOBODY said they are bad people.
So is OP's man a good person to give op Ultimatum ? either give me a sick kid or divorce?
well, op's husband married a woman with genetic issues. She has valid concerns (doesn't want to bring a potentially sick kid to the world just to suffer) NOBODY said they are bad people.
So is OP's man a good person to give op Ultimatum ? either give me a sick kid or divorce?
This is the one time where I would be quite amused to see him divorce her and she takes him to the cleaners.
well, op's husband married a woman with genetic issues. She has valid concerns (doesn't want to bring a potentially sick kid to the world just to suffer) NOBODY said they are bad people.
So is OP's man a good person to give op Ultimatum ? either give me a sick kid or divorce?
It's not about being good or bad. And there are no guarantees that the children would be sick. You need to separate your ex from this thread. It's not about your ex.
This is simply about two people that want different things out of life. It's a sad situation but I just don't see how anyone is deserving of the blame. Some people are adamant about not wanting children and then change their mind. Some people think they want children and then change their mind. We only have this one life to lead. It's sad when people aren't on the same page - but having children is one thing in which there really is no way to compromise if two people feel really strongly about their wants - and their wants aren't the same. If someone really wants children and a family - they should have that opportunity. If someone really doesn't want children - they shouldn't be forced to have them. Unfortunately, sometimes things just don't work out.
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