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I'll try to make the story as short as possible. A month back my work had a baseball game outing. I went with one of my friends (coworker) and her boyfriend to the game. However, they ditched me and I ended up hanging out with her mom (also a coworker) and her sister. It was the first time I met the sister and we connected big time. We had an absolute blast, I had her laughing the whole time, and it felt like we had been life long friends. We both felt something that night, I could see it in her eyes. It was almost love at first sight. However...
She has had a long term boyfriend, and I knew that beforehand cause I'm good friends with her sister and mother. She's been going out with him for 5 years. She broke up with him 3 months ago, and that lasted a week and they've been back together ever since. Now, let's talk about him. He is a very controlling/jealous guy. He won't let her hang out with anybody really (besides her family). If he knew that I hung out with her at the game, he would probably kill her (and me).
When they were broken up for that week she started talking to another guy on facebook. Her boyfriend found that out ONCE they got back together and made her delete her facebook. So, I have no way of contacting her. A day after the game her boyfriends brother got into a serious motorcycle accident and has been in a coma ever since. I mean, of all things to happen right? I'm praying that he recovers and I know it sounds selfish, but it's just my luck. She can't break up with him when his brother is pretty much dying.
So, I didn't hear from her for about 3 weeks until she said snuck on her mom's facebook and sent me a little message asking how I was doing. I was just starting to get over her, and now the feelings are back. My question is how do I get over this girl? I think about her everyday and keep hoping that she will break up with him (again) and give me a chance. Her sister told me to stay away from her though.
A few other things. No one from her family likes him. They've tried to get rid of him for years. She's the only person who hasn't realized he's a scumbag and he's the reason she lost all her friends (and the reason she is not making new ones). Her mom is trying to get her to come out and hang with me this week (not alone, that wouldn't happen). I don't think she will show but do you think there is any chance in hell she will break up with him in the future? Am I wasting my time here? It feels like she is the one. You get that feeling once in a lifetime and I have that right now.
Honesty is the best policy. Tell her flatly what you think of him, and how he's the reason she's socially isolated. Give it as "take it or leave it" advice, and then tell her you'll likely move away soon if she doesn't do something to improve her lot in life.
Honesty is the best policy. Tell her flatly what you think of him, and how he's the reason she's socially isolated. Give it as "take it or leave it" advice, and then tell her you'll likely move away soon if she doesn't do something to improve her lot in life.
That's the problem. I can't directly talk to her cause of how controlling he is. If she actually shows up in a few days to hang out, I still can't bring it up since her sister (who will be there) told me to stay away from her lol.
My problem is I can't get her out of my mind. At all...
Do you think I should tell her mom to talk about her boyfriend to her? To help her realize he is ruining her life in every other way? She's my only hope at this point to get through to her.
The time when controlling guys are most likely to kill or maim their partners is when the partners attempt to leave.
For this reason and others, leaving is often a lengthy process with many failed attempts before the final one. Social isolation is a big reason, too -- by forcing her to withdraw from her RL and online social networks, he makes it more difficult for her to feel she has people to escape to.
After she does finally get away, it will be a few years before she is ready to date again.
The time when controlling guys are most likely to kill or maim their partners is when the partners attempt to leave.
For this reason and others, leaving is often a lengthy process with many failed attempts before the final one. Social isolation is a big reason, too -- by forcing her to withdraw from her RL and online social networks, he makes it more difficult for her to feel she has people to escape to.
After she does finally get away, it will be a few years before she is ready to date again.
How many years do you feel comfortable waiting?
Very interesting point. However, I think that her family would be there for her right away. She doesn't have any actual friends left so the damage has been done there. I feel real bad for her. Even if a relationship never happens between us, I at least want a friendship. As long as she's still with him, that will never happen. And it breaks my heart...
A few years? I think she would get over him quickly. Especially if everyone badmouths him. Anyway, of course I'm not going to wait years, lol. I can wait till the end of this year, but that's it.
That's the problem. I can't directly talk to her cause of how controlling he is. If she actually shows up in a few days to hang out, I still can't bring it up since her sister (who will be there) told me to stay away from her lol.
Truth be told, you're probably controlling too.
Realize this may be the case, get brave, and do it anyway. If you get beat up by the guy, maybe she'll see his true colors and get free. It's also possible she knows how scary this guy is already, and is feeling trapped. Give her an out.
Realize this may be the case, get brave, and do it anyway. If you get beat up by the guy, maybe she'll see his true colors and get free. It's also possible she knows how scary this guy is already, and is feeling trapped. Give her an out.
Not in the slightest. What gave you that assumption?
LMAO, not worth it. I'd rather be single than be in the hospital. Fighting over a girl is beyond pathetic and will not happen in my life. I got better things to do.
Perhaps I just answered my own question. I'm staying away from her.
A few years? I think she would get over him quickly. Especially if everyone badmouths him. Anyway, of course I'm not going to wait years, lol. I can wait till the end of this year, but that's it.
It's not about her getting over him! After she gets over her feelings for him (which I agree will be relatively quickly), she will need a few years to get over the experience of being in that situation. It's no joke.
I think you are doing the right thing, to not look for a relationship with her. She won't be able to do that, certainly not this year, even if she leaves him today.
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