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Its a mans right to be able to do this. Just like women read romance novels. Get used to it and get over it......alot of men watch porn, theres nothing wrong with it.
Mikala, right on the money. I've definitely felt neglected, but I've tried my hardest to be understanding and patient. This has not been easy. What I can't understand is that he has ALL that time in his hotel room when he's gone to look at other women/porn/do whatever the hell he wants, and instead he chose to do it in bed, right next to me.
He's probably doing both. On the road, it's probably a laptop free for all, since he has no problem doing it at home too.
Then you really can't complain now if you already knew that he had an addiction to porn. If he likes his porn just let him enjoy it.
I would express my dislike, but poppy is right. If you knew it ahead of time, that's no one's fault but your own. After the age of 6-7 People don't change! Oh, they may change their favorite music, color, food, etc. but not the core of their personality. That is set permanently by then!
just taking the mind off. think, eating a box of chocolates, except with a much larger endorphin rush at the end. plus with some guys it makes them very sleepy afterwards, which would help with falling back asleep after a nightmare
of course, it isn't necessarily harmless and in some cases is quite the opposite. just putting out that there are other ways of looking at it. i don't think nearly enough "evidence" has been put forth to start calling this guy a sex addict or dog just yet
Never meant to imply that. Hell when I was young and saw my first porn on VHS tape no less, I was like holy s**t naked women. Wow this is great. And look at what she's doing to that guy. Hell I was only 13. Wasn't really sure what sex was exactly but we all talked like we knew wtf we were talking about. I mean I saw porn over the years but after a while it's just two people screwing. How different can it be besides body shape and size maybe some different techniques all dubbed to music and faked orgasms. After a while its like watching a nascar race. Boring. I rather be doing it to a woman than watching it.
you didn't. i was responding to both your post (about why one might porn up after nightmares) and earlier ones (some folks called him a sex addict and dog). i didn't mean to lump the two together but looking at the post i did, sorry. should have been clearer
If you can't fantasize, where does it stop? porn is fantasy that is all. Is the wife going to ask him about all the exotic dreams that most men have and get upset?
Okay, this is a first time post for me, but I don't know where to turn. My husband (DH) and I have been married for about 4 years and dating for about 6 years before. We're both in our mid-thirties, work a lot, no kids. We try to stay active and eat healthy (although I admit I've put on a few in the past year or so - about 10 pounds or so, but still makes me smaller than the average female my age - I was just really small before).
Anyway, I've known even before we were married that DH had a serious collection of porn on his computer and would watch it now and then. It didn't really bother me and he never really hid it from me (it was tucked in some obscure folder within a folder), but it wasn't a secret. He's even tried to get me to watch it a few times and I did, but I wasn't really into it. Well, fast-forward, the past few years have been a bear.
For at least the past three years, he's been traveling for more than half the year (sometimes 3 weeks at a time, just coming home for the weekends, at which time he'd be exhausted from the flight). We bought a house a month and a half ago and he's probably been home for probably two full weeks - it's a fixer-upper so I'm the one stuck at home thinking about the projects, etc. Meanwhile, his travel takes him places where he stays at the most high-end hotels, he has a generous daily per diem, eats and drinks out with his co-workers, etc. By the way, I work as well and we bring almost the same amount home every month, so this is not the case of a sad stay-at-home wife, being miserable type of situation.
This Friday he came home exhausted, as usual. He slept in late Saturday, we painted the outside of the house late into the afternoon, then went to the gym, then had a late dinner. I was hoping for some sex in the morning, but didn't really indicate (that's a problem for me, I admit). In the morning when we both wake up in bed, he tells me about a nightmare he had in the middle of then night. He then proceeds to tell me how we ended up looking at naked women on his ipad in our bed to feel better. WHHAATT?? At first, I wasn't even angry. It took a while to sink in, I think. Then, I couldn't believe it. Looking at naked women in OUR bed, while his WIFE is sleeping right next to me.
I finally went ballistic about 30 minutes after he told me, then apologized for getting ballistic, but I'm still pissed. I've been completely understanding about him watching porn and never made an issue out of it. But now he's looking at other women in our bed while I'm sleeping right next to him? He's gone every f'ing week, I'm sitting at home alone, and who knows what he's doing in his luxury hotel rooms. I realize I sound insecure, because I am, but I really think this is crossing the line for me. He's always encouraging me to initiate sex more, but now I'm just going to picture him looking at some f'ing bimbos while I'm trying to turn him on. I recently invested in some sexy lingerie for myself to help our sex life, but now I know sexy lingerie, or losing my 10 extra pounds, isn't really going to make a difference. He's obviously into sluts that do whatever on the internet, not into a mid-thirties wife. And he's not even afraid to tell me about it.
I know I'm about to get bashed on this forum, but I've had a couple of glasses of wine and I just need to get this out.
It's fake women with fake boobs and if you are insecure and jealous of that then it is your issue.
Be grateful he was only looking at photos of other women while you were asleep, he could have had a real women in there....
Then, I couldn't believe it. Looking at naked women in OUR bed, while his WIFE is sleeping right next to me.
Yeah, that's pretty rude. There's "men look at porn, so don't sweat it," which is your usual view on this, with which I agree.
And then there's "you've gotta be kidding me with the disrespect, pal, you totally crossed a line here," which is your view on him looking at it while he's in bed with you, with which I agree.
It's really just a cheap, sleazy thing to do with your wife sleeping next to you in the bed. Time and place matter, and he completely missed on both of them with that. I'd be pretty disgusted with him, too. Least he could have done is gotten his arse out of bed and gone into another room.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Electrician4you
What sort of bs nightmare he had that he needed to look at naked women? What did he dream he was being chased by huge penises he had to look at some strange? If you're gonna lie to your wife at least be creative about it
That, too. If my SO has a nightmare about the zombie apocalypse or something, he looks at message boards about his hobby or he looks at funny pictures on Imgur, half of the latter of which end up in my FB by morning.
It's fake women with fake boobs and if you are insecure and jealous of that then it is your issue.
Be grateful he was only looking at photos of other women while you were asleep, he could have had a real women in there....
He could have had a real woman in bed while I was sleeping? Sure, that makes a lot of sense.
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