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Honestly? I would hope that men change over time. Ideally, both partners learn and grow throughout the course of their lives, as all adults should. Stagnation is the kiss of intellectual and emotional death. It invites decay. In a marriage, it manifests as complacency and taking someone for granted. No thanks. Give me a man who is always seeking to know more, see more, do more, explore more, discover more, and who encourages and appreciates the same in me.
Life is short--too short to be unhappy. Living a life of quiet desperation serves no one.
The parting shot to end all parting shots. She sits the kids down and tells them that I'm moving out on Saturday. Then she tells them that she is seeing someone else. The kids have already met the guy when they visited her job. My daughter (16) said she kind of guessed there was something going on based on the way her face lit up when he came in the room. My son (23) had more of an "oh well that's how the cookie crumbles" attitude. Sure I'm disappointed (more like hurt and crushed) at their reactions and once again Saturday can't come soon enough.
The parting shot to end all parting shots. She sits the kids down and tells them that I'm moving out on Saturday. Then she tells them that she is seeing someone else. The kids have already met the guy when they visited her job. My daughter (16) said she kind of guessed there was something going on based on the way her face lit up when he came in the room. My son (23) had more of an "oh well that's how the cookie crumbles" attitude. Sure I'm disappointed (more like hurt and crushed) at their reactions and once again Saturday can't come soon enough.
Why are you hurt and crushed at your children's reactions? While she cheated on you, their parents are divorcing, and they need support from you, not the other way around. They might seem fine on the surface but they are likely completely gutted underneath and need your love and support because their world has been shattered too.
The parting shot to end all parting shots. She sits the kids down and tells them that I'm moving out on Saturday. Then she tells them that she is seeing someone else. The kids have already met the guy when they visited her job. My daughter (16) said she kind of guessed there was something going on based on the way her face lit up when he came in the room. My son (23) had more of an "oh well that's how the cookie crumbles" attitude. Sure I'm disappointed (more like hurt and crushed) at their reactions and once again Saturday can't come soon enough.
Maybe both of your children were sick of seeing their parents at each others' throats and just want both of their parents to be happy.
Rest assured that as they get older and have relationships of their own, they will see your marriage in a more mature light. At that point, they may have words for one or both of you. Just know ahead of time that they have a right to their feelings, and that they may hit you with some surprising bits of insight, so I hope you don't discount what they may say or pull the parent card on them. That is what my ex-BIL did and as a result, his son barely spoke to him and he has lost his daughter entirely.
Why are you hurt and crushed at your children's reactions? While she cheated on you, their parents are divorcing, and they need support from you, not the other way around. They might seem fine on the surface but they are likely completely gutted underneath and need your love and support because their world has been shattered too.
I get that they need my support. I was not looking for support from them. I was rather surprised that they seemed to be rolling with the news like it was just another day. I plan to have a talk with them to reassure them that everything will be ok.
I get that they need my support. I was not looking for support from them. I was rather surprised that they seemed to be rolling with the news like it was just another day. I plan to have a talk with them to reassure them that everything will be ok.
Good idea.
They may seem to be rolling with it, but never accept that because they seem fine, that they actually are fine.
I won't go into the how it happened (my previous thread explains most of it), but now that my wife and I are going through the divorce I'm feeling angry about the whole thing. Angry at myself for not being able to stop it, and angry at her for justifying starting a relationship with someone else because she wasn't getting what she wanted from me emotionally. She keeps telling me I'm a good provider and have always been on the same page with the finances, yet this is not enough of a reason to stay married. My record of in the entire 28 years we were together (4 dating and 24 married) I NEVER CHEATED, HIT OR CURSED AT HER. So what?? That didn't mean anything in the end either. My depression doesn't even fly as an excuse. She just felt I would not change as a person and always be emotionally unavailable to her when she needs me the most. Sure I went and held up every time I was there for her emotionally, but in the end the times I wasn't there hold the most weight for her. So why the anger?? If anyone out there can shed a little light it would be much appreciated. Oh yes the fact that she says she will always love me pisses me off too!!
Your anger is justified but I think when she said that, "I will always love you" She perhaps really meant it.
It seems like your ex wife wanted more emotional attention and support. I don't think it is her fault. It could possibly be that two good people just don't get along. Just cherish the time you had with her and move on with your life.
I agree with the above two posts, except for one thing. Unless someone has a long-distance marriage, like if someone is away at war and the partner at home keeps up pretense while having an affair or making plans to leave, there is almost never a situation where one person is blind-sided. Anyone who is divorced, if they are honest with themselves and mature enough to take an objective look at themselves and their marriage, will be able to look back on it and see not only their own role in the demise of the marriage, but the signs that the marriage had been in trouble for a long time. The OP had chronicled problems right on this forum before the whole thing went down. Even those who live in denial on the surface tend to know that their denial stems from wishful thinking that they didn't know what they know. That is what anyone who hopes to have love and happiness again will have to come to terms with. It is part of healing, forgiving (yes, forgiving, both yourself and the other person), and letting go, so that you can be whole again.
I agree with this. I think I meant that he was blind-sided by the cheating, not necessarily by the wife's unhappiness. I remember he had a thread before this one and he knew his wife was unhappy then. He admitted to his own personal problems as well. So you are right, he was not blind-sided by the divorce.
I get that they need my support. I was not looking for support from them. I was rather surprised that they seemed to be rolling with the news like it was just another day. I plan to have a talk with them to reassure them that everything will be ok.
Also don't be surprised they may have taken sides and sided with your ex wife. My parents went through this and as kids, it's not easy to not take sides. That actually comes with maturity.
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