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Dating someone for a couple years Before even thinking about marrying them tends to be a great way to find out someone's warning flags and if they don't have the patience for that, that'd a red flare signal of codependency issue mindset if I ever saw one.
My ex and I dated for 5 years because we wanted to be sure we were in the right mindset, mature, financial stable and career timing to marry and well... Wouldn't you know it, crap didn't work out and we broke up. Can you imagine the extra BS we woulda had to go through of we gave into peer, social and family pressure crap and got married early? Hell,farking no batman....
3 years MINIMUM for me for any girl I am with before ANY talk of marriage comes up
It's a good idea for you, whom doesn't want children.
I still do but I do agree people change. My ex changed over a year.
I was at a point where I pretty much written out the possibility of having a healthy relationship. I didn't think I was capable, but then I realized that loving someone should not be about you, it should be more about the one you love.
BTW, I meant to thank you for your prayers in a response rep, but "must spread reputation around".
Now, I am not bashing my real mother in anyway, I love her always.
The last time I talked to her and talked about anything like a job she would tell me things like...
"You deserve better, you should demand better."
The tone was "The world owes you, just because you are you."
I knew better than that, even at that time of my life.
I'm no one that people should roll the red carpet. As a matter of fact, right now, I am getting what I consider red carpet treatment. (Hell, back then when people seemed to just spit on me every chance they got, I considered that red carpet treatment)
Having an entitlement mindset in any aspect of your life will make it really miserable. I know from experience, got tired of it and then found a way to create a better life (with the help of God).
I try to get to the point when all I want for people is their happiness, at no expense of others.
It is humbling and so inspiring to actually watch someone bloom and grow right before your very eyes
I am just happy my words resonated with you in a way that you found helpful and encouraging.
But there is everything codependent about this sentence in the piece, which is where the whole thing goes south:
"You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy."
No one else is responsible for my happiness, and I am not responsible for anyone else's happiness. Likewise, I will not expect anyone else to make me happy, and I dang sure will not be held accountable for someone else's happiness, or lack thereof.
Happiness comes from within. The minute you start living your life to make someone else happy, you become codependent.
Also, I notice how you said "a" priority. Sure. But not the priority, or top priority. It's not always going to be at the top, and it shouldn't be. There is no sense in sacrificing yourself just to give to someone else and try to make someone else happy. In fact, that's a great path to misery.
I understand what you're saying, but you can indeed be a driving force in your partner's happiness. My husband often tells me how happy he is with his life and he's grateful to me. I prioritized his dreams and goals back when and made the necessary sacrifices on my end to help him realize those goals. He would not be where he is today if not for our marriage. In kind, he is a good husband and best friend. The level of devotion I get to experience from him is a rare gift. He makes our family and life work.
I think the article makes sense with the caveat that both involved are healthy, loving, giving people. Nothing makes sense when we insert dysfunctional people/ways.
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You've really made my day with this post.
