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You know, you are all correct, I realized today when I thought back over what I said, that I find this whole thing to be really depressing. Because, I think I take it little too seriously, I need to stop coming to CD because I'm being reminded of all the things I really don't LIKE about other people, AND I'm making the mistake of sharing my thoughts and experiences with a lot of people...what a time waster. I am not going to be back.
Yes, we know...but then there are days when coming to CD can be uplifting and sharing with one another is not really a time waster if it helps you or anyone else here see another perspective.
Did you read what I wrote? I did tell her I did not feel a connection. She pressed me for a specific reason. I guess I am not a good salesman or politician b/c I should have just stuck to generalities.
I did NOT say I was "set" on not being with a girl with kids. I said I was not 100% sure about it. Again, I had three dates with this girl. No sex. I approached each date sincerely in wanting to get to know her. After date number three I changed my mind. I let her know that BEFORE there was a date No 4.
OP you did at that moment what you thought was the best. IMO you could handle those situations better in the future.
All people need to know is that you are not feeling a connection. No matter what reasons you give them they are gonna feel hurt. Yes I agree the kids were a better option than her body(most women are very insecure about their looks) but I don't think we should ever feel pressured to give an explanation to someone we just dated a couple of times, especially when that information only makes them feel more hurt. When I was younger a had a hard time rejecting people but with time I learned to be assertive while still being polite to people.
But if you still want an easy excuse I think telling them you are giving a girlfriend you dated for many years a second chance is probably the least hurtful excuse. She cannot compete with a long term relationship. If she ask for details tell her out of respect to her and your girlfriend you would rather not discuss that relationship.
You could have refused to elaborate. I went out on a few dates with a guy once and he was a nice guy, but I just couldn't get past that I thought he might be gay. His mannerisms, the things he talked about, maybe I was totally wrong, but I couldn't get past it and I had to end it. When I told him things weren't going to work out, he pressed me hard for a reason too, but I was not about to tell him the real reason or make up some BS excuse. I just stuck with things aren't going to work and best of luck. She didn't have a gun to your head asking for more of a reason. I would have just left it at there's not enough of a connection. Regardless, it's over now. Back to your search for perfection, OP! Good luck with that!
I went through this once but it was just one date. I wanted to die. This guy was perfect in every other aspect, extremely smart STEM PhD guy, average looks(I never liked pretty boys) very mature, polite, witty. But my God he talked so fast. I knew that talk very well since I hanged our with gay men all my life.
So I had this "great" idea. I tried to show myself in a negative light hoping he would reject me by thinking I was a little crazy(maybe I am and I don't need to fake that hard) and I though everything was going well until towards the end he seemed uncomfortable, he rushed as if he felt rejected. So much for my wonderful plan, I think it backfired.
Are you really indicating 3-4 dates in a guy (or girl) should keep dating someone they aren't physically attracted to?
Seriously?
It seems he wants both. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. THere is nothing to indicate that for a fit body he is willing to put up with a jerk. He wants both. Most of us do.
I'm not suggesting anything if the sort. All I'm saying is no matter how hot she is now after a few kids, a bit of stress in life etc and 20 years later she may not be the smoking hot 20 yo you were banging as he found out with the current date
I'm simply stating there is more to a relationship than a tight body, boobs that point north and a tight azz. So while OP expects "hot" women he will either keep dating hot women until he is older and would look like a weirdo picking up or trying to pick up 20-25 year olds, or will have to accept the fact that he may end up with a woman who was nice hot but as she aged she isn't as tight.
But don't bs a person with some idiotic reason as to why you cant date them. Unless she's brain dead she is gonna see through whatever reason given as to why you can't date her.
Better off saying that I'm sorry but I'm not attracted to you. Better than its me not you which translates to its you.
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