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A lot of people explain their desire for super-fit women, or for men over 6' 2", or for Asian women, or for non-black men, or FOR whomever, with the phrase, "that's just my preference." I am not denying people have a right to their so-called "preferences." But I feel people tend to misuse the word.
A preference is something benign and blameless. I may have a preference for potatoes, but I will eat rice if no potatoes are available. "Preference" implies that while one thing may be ideal, another may still be acceptable.
But the word "preference," when used in the dating context, almost never means this. In my experience, the word "preference" is almost always a euphemism for "prejudice."
For example, in most cases, when a man claims to have a "preference" for slim women, he doesn't mean he would also be willing to date a heavier woman if he really liked her. What he means is, "I think fat women are disgusting and won't date them." When a woman claims she has a "preference" for tall men, what she really means is, "I think short men are ridiculous looking and have no interest in them at all."
Again, people have a right to decide these things. But I wish they would stop calling them "preferences." I wish just own up what they are: prejudices.
ahh, but then that would reflect poorly on themself, and no one usually goes out of their way to decrease their image to others.
And then, that would also mean people would have to allow them self to be held accountable for their actions/views.
Most people are raised to be somewhat political.
You don't say, "I won't date white people cause they use too much garlic in their food and they stink."
You say, "I prefer to date xyz people cause that is my preference, it's what I'm attracted to."
Also, if people admit they won't date so-and-so, other people may use it against them. "You said you were too good for so-and-so." While all they said is they dont date xyz people.
I think if people didnt hold each others preferences against each other, perhaps people would be more honest.
The opposite is true as well.
If person A asked you, "Who are you most attracted to in this building?" And you answered the question directly, person A asking the question may go to the person HOT that you fancy the most and say, "So-and-so wants to date you. He thinks you are hot." If person HOT isnt interested, it makes a potentially awkward situation.
FWIW, I have experienced something similar to this. And I wasnt even crude. Someone asked me, "Who here is the best looking?" I knew the guy for a while, so I said, "Person C is really cute." The guy went and told the woman (person C), "Average wants to date you, he says you are totally hot."
I learned to never discuss who is attractive or who isnt attractive, as some people twist things and use them for conversation in really immature ways.
Its not a prejustice its what a person is attracted to.
But "what you are attracted" can be another euphemism for prejudice.
If a guy is so hot for Asian women her refuses to even consider dating any woman who isn't Asian, he is prejudiced against non-Asian women. He has judged them unacceptable before he even knows them. Does he have a right to that prejudice? Yes. But it is still a prejudice, not a "preference."
I do have preferences, yes. I prefer men to be taller than me, so around 5'11", but have dated men my height (5'9.") and slightly shorter. I also prefer really full lips. I have a thing for nice lips, but I won't not date a man simply because his lips aren't the fullness I prefer. There are just certain features I am drawn to, but I am flexible in what I am attracted to overall.
I've dated men that carried around a few extra pounds, and I've dated super fit and athletic men. I prefer a nice face over a nice body. If there's an attraction then I don't let rather insignificant things get in the way of a great connection.
Plus, the chances of me coming across a fit guy who has nice, full lips, a killer smile, is an intellectual and/or artistic, plays video games, loves all things fantasy, sci-fi, action, thriller, embraces non-conformity, is a free-thinker, a wordsmith, and is very affectionate and in touch with his emotions, is rather slim.
I never, ever sacrifice on the intellectual connection and important commonalities. This is the basis of the connection. It's what keeps things exciting, interesting and fulfilling. Attraction is important and is required for me to have a truly fulfilling relationship, but it certainly isn't everything
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doomed_Shroom12
Don't forget the no stretch marks guy. That was pure gold. He just eliminated like 96% of the human race...
Ha! True. I've birthed four kids. I have stretch marks, but thankfully they have faded a lot. I've never had a guy complain about them, and if a man is so shallow to deduct points because of this, well, a big f*ck you to him.
ahh, but then that would reflect poorly on themself, and no one usually goes out of their way to decrease their image to others.
And then, that would also mean people would have to allow them self to be held accountable for their actions/views.
Most people are raised to be somewhat political.
You don't say, "I won't date white people cause they use too much garlic in their food and they stink."
You say, "I prefer to date xyz people cause that is my preference, it's what I'm attracted to."
Also, if people admit they won't date so-and-so, other people may use it against them. "You said you were too good for so-and-so." While all they said is they dont date xyz people.
I think if people didnt hold each others preferences against each other, perhaps people would be more honest.
The opposite is true as well.
If person A asked you, "Who are you most attracted to in this building?" And you answered the question directly, person A asking the question may go to the person HOT that you fancy the most and say, "So-and-so wants to date you. He thinks you are hot." If person HOT isnt interested, it makes a potentially awkward situation.
FWIW, I have experienced something similar to this. And I wasnt even crude. Someone asked me, "Who here is the best looking?" I knew the guy for a while, so I said, "Person C is really cute." The guy went and told the woman (person C), "Average wants to date you, he says you are totally hot."
I learned to never discuss who is attractive or who isnt attractive, as some people twist things and use them for conversation in really immature ways.
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