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A lot of people explain their desire for super-fit women, or for men over 6' 2", or for Asian women, or for non-black men, or FOR whomever, with the phrase, "that's just my preference." I am not denying people have a right to their so-called "preferences." But I feel people tend to misuse the word.
A preference is something benign and blameless. I may have a preference for potatoes, but I will eat rice if no potatoes are available. "Preference" implies that while one thing may be ideal, another may still be acceptable.
But the word "preference," when used in the dating context, almost never means this. In my experience, the word "preference" is almost always a euphemism for "prejudice."
For example, in most cases, when a man claims to have a "preference" for slim women, he doesn't mean he would also be willing to date a heavier woman if he really liked her. What he means is, "I think fat women are disgusting and won't date them." When a woman claims she has a "preference" for tall men, what she really means is, "I think short men are ridiculous looking and have no interest in them at all."
Again, people have a right to decide these things. But I wish they would stop calling them "preferences." I wish just own up what they are: prejudices.
I normally like a lot of your posts, but the bolded part makes a whole lot of presumptions about people and not in a positive way.
I have a preference but I don't harbor any ill will or think nasty thoughts toward women outside of "preference"
I think you're making an almost offensive leap to prejudice.
A lot of people explain their desire for super-fit women, or for men over 6' 2", or for Asian women, or for non-black men, or FOR whomever, with the phrase, "that's just my preference." I am not denying people have a right to their so-called "preferences." But I feel people tend to misuse the word.
A preference is something benign and blameless. I may have a preference for potatoes, but I will eat rice if no potatoes are available. "Preference" implies that while one thing may be ideal, another may still be acceptable.
But the word "preference," when used in the dating context, almost never means this. In my experience, the word "preference" is almost always a euphemism for "prejudice."
For example, in most cases, when a man claims to have a "preference" for slim women, he doesn't mean he would also be willing to date a heavier woman if he really liked her. What he means is, "I think fat women are disgusting and won't date them." When a woman claims she has a "preference" for tall men, what she really means is, "I think short men are ridiculous looking and have no interest in them at all."
Again, people have a right to decide these things. But I wish they would stop calling them "preferences." I wish just own up what they are: prejudices.
Unless they're saying they hate people who aren't like this or actually use the terms you are implying, they don't have a prejudice.
And Nila, my god, of course we have no control over who we find attractive. If you ever find a way a person can talk themselves into being attracted or kill an attraction to someone, youd be a very rich woman.
Thanks for you well wishes for my business success, but that ship has sailed . Successfully changing what they find attractive is one of the main reasons people go to counselors. It's easy to do, with a few basic techniques. Not gender, but visual preferences, body type, personality...
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogersParkGuy
When I was a child, the neighborhood I grew up in became largely Indian and Pakistani. One of my classmates was an breathtakingly beautiful girl from Pakistan. Yet, all of the boys (and most the girls) insisted she was ugly. They could not see her beauty, because they regarded all people of South Asian decent as ugly by definition. There was extreme, open prejudice against South Asians when they first moved into the neighborhood. That had a powerful impact on people's perceptions.
Interesting. I tend toward the opposite stereotype -- that south asians of all genders are often beautiful It's the large, dark eyes.
The illogic of racism kind of fascinates me.
Last edited by NilaJones; 11-23-2013 at 05:48 PM..
Successfully changing what they find attractive is one of the main reasons people go to counselors. It's easy to do, with a few basic techniques.
So true. I think that people should think about this more and value the potential damage that it does, to follow the cultural standards, because they have really gotten ridiculous, tbh.
A lot of people explain their desire for super-fit women, or for men over 6' 2", or for Asian women, or for non-black men, or FOR whomever, with the phrase, "that's just my preference." I am not denying people have a right to their so-called "preferences." But I feel people tend to misuse the word.
A preference is something benign and blameless. I may have a preference for potatoes, but I will eat rice if no potatoes are available. "Preference" implies that while one thing may be ideal, another may still be acceptable.
But the word "preference," when used in the dating context, almost never means this. In my experience, the word "preference" is almost always a euphemism for "prejudice."
For example, in most cases, when a man claims to have a "preference" for slim women, he doesn't mean he would also be willing to date a heavier woman if he really liked her. What he means is, "I think fat women are disgusting and won't date them." When a woman claims she has a "preference" for tall men, what she really means is, "I think short men are ridiculous looking and have no interest in them at all."
Again, people have a right to decide these things. But I wish they would stop calling them "preferences." I wish just own up what they are: prejudices.
Honestly..people don't know what they like. I have met quite a few white and hispanic women in my day who were supposed racist or didn't like black men. Well it didn't last long. Alot of people date outside there race and alot are coming out the closet. Most people end up with opposite of what they originally wanted. Cupid's arrow doesn't discriminate.
Deep down dude everybody wants to bang everybody and skin color,height isn't a hindrance in some cases its an incentive.
But "what you are attracted" can be another euphemism for prejudice.
If a guy is so hot for Asian women her refuses to even consider dating any woman who isn't Asian, he is prejudiced against non-Asian women. He has judged them unacceptable before he even knows them. Does he have a right to that prejudice? Yes. But it is still a prejudice, not a "preference."
Fetishizing race is significantly different than having a “type.” For instance, if your type is artists, you are unimaginative and attracted to creative megalomaniacs, which is a relatively harmless stereotype. If you’re attracted to women based on their ethnicity, you’re attracted to (typically negative) racist stereotypes. So it’s one thing to say your type is “professor-types” and another to be like “I only date Asian women.”
I think there is definitely a fine line between preference and prejudice. I agree with your bolded statement.
"Preferences" become "prejudices" when someone who does not find you desirable uses it to deny you progress in a transaction that is not relevant to sexual preference. I should know. I have had to deal with women who would make me wait as long as possible to order a burger, or be called up to the teller window, so I could make a deposit/withdrawal. You don't like the way I look? Fine. Mess with my rights, and I will make sure you get reprimanded, fired or sued.
But "what you are attracted" can be another euphemism for prejudice.
If a guy is so hot for Asian women her refuses to even consider dating any woman who isn't Asian, he is prejudiced against non-Asian women. He has judged them unacceptable before he even knows them. Does he have a right to that prejudice? Yes. But it is still a prejudice, not a "preference."
You have it backwards. Why in the heck would you date a race of women you are not attracted too? I think its prejudice when you are attracted to a race of women but refuse to date them because of their race. Interracial dating and relationships were once against the law in this country despite the fact that many people were attracted to people from another race.
I know alot of women who are attracted to people outside of their race and there on the downlow. I know alot of white guys who would tear some hot black women up but they would never marry or date one because of racial prejudices and fear of being shunned by their own race.
The major reason why interracial dating is increasing so drastically is because its starting to become a social norm.
What sounds prejudice? I don't date white or black women because I'm just not attracted to them personally or I don't date black/white women because of racial stereotypes, their ethnicity, despite the fact I find them attractive.
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. Successfully changing what they find attractive is one of the main reasons people go to counselors. It's easy to do, with a few basic techniques. Not gender, but visual preferences, body type, personality...
