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Regardless of her reasons, or if she's cheating or not, she obviously doesn't respect you nor is attracted to you anymore. Since you've tried talking to her and got nothing out of it and the fact that you no longer trust her and she's lied to your face three times, my advice, CUT HER LOOSE. Find someone that respects you, someone you can trust, and someone who wants to have sex with you.
She should have been gone after the 1st time she broke that promise. Texting another dude constantly till 2 am? Yeah.... no... not gonna work.
I had a girl keep doing that to me once, always "its my family, seriously" finally one night her phone would not stop going off while she was sleeping. So... I did the dreaded look. Some dude saying all this stuff, her saying he can come stay with her... etc. etc. Screw that. Soon as I saw that I woke her up and threw all her stuff outside the front door. We lived on the 10th floor. I don't work with that BS.
Then to drive it in for good measure I told her she forgot a bra like a week later. Told her I'd be sleeping so to grab it off the counter. Knowing she was like a 32 A or B I left another girls bra out that was a D. She stormed in my room, threw it at me, "that's not my bra you effin' a hole." Hahahaha... good times, good times.. I shouldn't have looked at her phone but it was absurd. Oh well, lesson learned.
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LOL.
I once dated a girl for several months, found out she was carrying on with her boss, basically because he bought her stuff I knew she couldn't afford. She begged me to take her back. No f'n way. Lost a few friends (she bad mouthed/lied to). No regrets whatsoever.
To the OP...even if she's not having a physical relationship with this guy, she's having an emotional affair of some sorts. It sounds like you are a good guy trying to make the best of it, but it sounds like it's best to move on.
It is disrespectful for either a man or woman to send/receive texts from a member of the opposite sex late at night, just as it's disrespectful to stay out until all hours of the morning when in a relationship. It's not about jealousy, it's about respect.
I don't know why she stays with me either...nothing makes sense. I get nothing in terms of direction from her, just the same ol situation repeating itself. But thanks for your input, means a lot!
She could be with you for a ton of reasons. Can't live on her own, can't be alone, afraid to be alone, needs to find a new guy, before she dumps the old guy, isn't attracted to you, so gives you pity sex once a month to get you off her back, lies to your face because she's interested in the guy she texting, but guy doesn't want her, so she stays with you. Emotionally isn't interested in you anymore, so the sex died out on her end (remember, sex is usually the first thing affected in a relationship).
It could be anything. But the fact remains. She lied TO YOUR FACE! And not just once, but THREE times. That speaks volumes. My question for you is, why'd you stay after the first, or even second lie? You still don't trust her, don't you feel trust is absolutely needed in a good healthy stable relationship?
Don't worry about her reasons. Worry about your reasons for staying. You need to learn about why you chose to look the other way, why you accepted her lies. Why, although you talk to her, she won't talk about why you aren't having more sex, etc, etc, etc. YOU shouldn't have to put up with all that. But WHY do you?
She could be with you for a ton of reasons. Can't live on her own, can't be alone, afraid to be alone, needs to find a new guy, before she dumps the old guy, isn't attracted to you, so gives you pity sex once a month to get you off her back, lies to your face because she's interested in the guy she texting, but guy doesn't want her, so she stays with you. Emotionally isn't interested in you anymore, so the sex died out on her end (remember, sex is usually the first thing affected in a relationship).
It could be anything. But the fact remains. She lied TO YOUR FACE! And not just once, but THREE times. That speaks volumes. My question for you is, why'd you stay after the first, or even second lie? You still don't trust her, don't you feel trust is absolutely needed in a good healthy stable relationship?
Don't worry about her reasons. Worry about your reasons for staying. You need to learn about why you chose to look the other way, why you accepted her lies. Why, although you talk to her, she won't talk about why you aren't having more sex, etc, etc, etc. YOU shouldn't have to put up with all that. But WHY do you?
The true reason is because she literally broke down when I talked about us ending it (like most ppl do I guess when breaking something off). Its not that her crying alone effected me to stay, because it didn't. The fact that she says the right things (I know its about doing), acts all mushy (holding hands, snuggling) mixed with her seeming heart broke when I mentioned our relationship ending made me second guess my rationalizations. As I said, this relationship just confuses me to no end. BUT - one thing you said really made me think. "her not being able to be alone or wanting to find a new guy". That makes way to much sense to me - I can see that being a reason. Because she wont admit she's not attracted to me anymore, even though I've pretty much come to terms with that in my own mind. I treated her good, so maybe she's just milking what she can hoping to line someone else up before I end things.
Don't take it personally, she's not the right woman for you. The right one would want you day and night.
Time to find a better match.
No offense taken. I posted on her to get peoples opinions, to see if I'm crazy for thinking the way I do or if I'm sane. So whatever advice, point of view (neg or pos), I'll take in stride. So thank you for saying what you feel. I appreciate it
Thanks to houston-dan and DrVanNostren. Really appreciate both your guys feedback and stories. I try to keep my relationship private and not spew whats going on to everyone. So I honestly cant tell you how nice it is to let this out and hear back from people. Its been literally making my stomach hurt for two months keeping this in -wondering if I'm being irrational or what not. I really appreciate all the feedback from everyone.
The true reason is because she literally broke down when I talked about us ending it (like most ppl do I guess when breaking something off). Its not that her crying alone effected me to stay, because it didn't. The fact that she says the right things (I know its about doing), acts all mushy (holding hands, snuggling) mixed with her seeming heart broke when I mentioned our relationship ending made me second guess my rationalizations. As I said, this relationship just confuses me to no end. BUT - one thing you said really made me think. "her not being able to be alone or wanting to find a new guy". That makes way to much sense to me - I can see that being a reason. Because she wont admit she's not attracted to me anymore, even though I've pretty much come to terms with that in my own mind. I treated her good, so maybe she's just milking what she can hoping to line someone else up before I end things.
Oh boy. So, for yourself, you need to get a backbone. Trust me, I know it's not easy to do what you need to do yourself, especially when someone is heartbroken. But ask yourself, are you ready to be miserable for years to come, all the while, she's happy because she'll just lie to you to get what she wants, say the right things, cry to make you feel bad, etc?
Trust me. With a woman like that, you will give her everything, chances galore, keep her around. But when she's tired of you, she won't give a damned about your feelings, your emotions, you hurting. She will drop you like moldy bread and never think about you again.
Think about it. What are you getting out of this relationship? Relationships are a two-way street. Right now, seems like she's got everything she wants and you have nothing but words, oh, and cuddling and hand holding.
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