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You are experiencing the same thing that many men experience in their marriages. Yours is just happening sooner. Women have a biological urge to mate to reproduce. They are hot and heavy at the beginning of any relationship because their hormones are trying to ensure survival of the species by having lots of sex and thus, increasing the potential for pregnancy. As a marriage (or in your case) a relationship goes along, this urge lessens. In most cases, pregnancy occurs and by the time the kid is 3 or 4, the woman is ready to move on to the next "mate" in order to diversify the DNA. (Mind you, this is not a conscious decision, it's totally hormone driven subconscious).
Women will say... "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" or "I need some time to figure things out" or "I need to work on ME", instead of everyone else. Or my personal favorite "I am going back to school to finish my education", when in fact, they are just tired of their present made and ready to move on.
A lot of times too, a woman will be "disappointed" because they have some preconceived notion that marriage is supposed to be a "happily ever after" scenario like in the movies or romance novels and they are terribly disappointed when their husband does not turn out to be their prince charming. They are let down, depressed, etc. Again, I realize that you aren't married, but women some women get disillusioned faster than others.
I think you should be grateful that this happened so soon rather than after you got married and had a couple of kids that you would end up paying child support to for the next 18 years. Stop obsessing over the why and just accept it and move on.
20yrsinBRanson
Really appreciate your answer man. These are all things I probably never would have thought of. Especially at this point seeing that we have only been together a short time, yet are going through things married or couples that have been together a long time have been going through. I agree, better off seeing this show up now rather than later - whether she lets me know the truth or not; the writing really is on the wall.
After 2 years together, that should not be happening. Seems like your relationship is moving in the opposite direction, farther apart rather than closer together. At that point, the only texting or calling at 2 am should be a family emergency or something of that nature. If it were another guy, in all likelihood, I would dump her the next day. She's up to something and it's not with you.
I totally agree with you. All these problems occurring such a short time into a relationship is not right. I saw that and tried to remedy it/ work with her. Obviously getting nowhere with the working together part and fixing it. I guess I need to chuck up an L on this one and stop waiting for some type of answer/closure...as I'm not getting any straight answers from her. Thanks for taking the time to respond
I'd got to the bar and get drunk. Yeah, it's a work night, but sometimes you gotta get crazy.
(And yet another epic 1st post issue... like the city data people have some interns generate these to keep these boards going...)
HAHAHAHA I quit giving input on these a few days ago. I felt all I was doing was typing the same ish
Good for you Ruth4Truth, and a few others. I guess these kids need a champion, but it sure would be nice if they could figure out how to read other threads on here before posting.
I definitely wont be asking anything like that anymore. If I see that, I'll just know its not gonna mesh.
That is even worse! It is the opposite of what you should do. Refusing to communicate would mean you are treating the future gf the way your current gf is treating you. Is what she is doing to you so great that you want to imitate it?
What you should be learning from this is to go the other way -- communicate more. Tht is what will get you great sex and committed love.
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ultimately I think male and female relationships with straight people are different in comparison to when you're hitting up your buds or girlfriends (most of the time; not always I know). This is my personal feeling and I know more guys gravitate toward this feeling than females. For me its just respect. Not that texting a guy is disrespect, but you can be disrespectful by going about it a certain way. The late night stuff is that line to me.
Just like if one were to go to an opposite sexes house late into the night, it wouldn't look right (even if nothings going on), the impression it gives is what I was aiming at. I dont know this guys or anys heart
Only guys who are insecure with their gender identity feel that way.
Basically what you are saying is that you believe any girl you would ever date would be so dumb, and so sexually unsatisfied, that she could be manipulated into cheating on you.
Rather than try to control her friendships, why not just choose a smart, honest girl and make her happy in bed? If you don't know how to do that, ask women who are older than you and they will tell you .
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson
You are experiencing the same thing that many men experience in their marriages. Yours is just happening sooner. Women have a biological urge
The only time sex slows down after marriage is when the guy is bad in bed. Women's sex drive, and desire for their mate, increases after marriage and as they get older.
That's the real biology. What this guys says is just lies spread on the internet to sell stuff to men.
I totally agree with you. All these problems occurring such a short time into a relationship is not right. I saw that and tried to remedy it/ work with her. Obviously getting nowhere with the working together part and fixing it. I guess I need to chuck up an L on this one and stop waiting for some type of answer/closure...as I'm not getting any straight answers from her. Thanks for taking the time to respond
The thing is, you can't work on this. Counseling, talking, etc. won't do any good, because (if what you say is true) she can't be trusted to tell the truth. In order for your efforts to work, she has to be on board with fixing the relationship, but she's clearly not, and won't ever be. So bite the bullet and do what you have to do. Get it over with, for your own peace of mind. Your self-esteem is being trashed. You're better off alone than in this situation.
I've been through this scenario. Break up and leave. She's cheating on you with this guy. She wants the security of having you but wants some cake on the side and thinks you aren't man enough to do anything about it even though she's blatent about it.
You simply can't love for two in a relationship, it seems there isn't much more you can say to this woman that would change anything, send her packing and move on, you'll look back soon enough and be glad you did.
It could be that she just does not have much of a sex drive anymore, certain birth control pills can have this affect on you, to her there is nothing wrong because she does not see it.
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