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Honestly, I'm going to end it. I came here to see if I was crazy for feeling the way I did. As the things I was clearly seeing, she either thought were not a big deal or not a deal at all. So as time went on, I began to question myself - "Maybe I was the weird one". The fact that my stomach has been a mess for two months, and after over a year of waiting getting nowhere - I began to shut it down emotionally. Magically my stomach began to feel better, and than I came here. I can see now that I'm not crazy and clearly there are many others who see these issues too.
I'm just sad I waited so long and had my confidence get trashed in the process. But the trust in her to do anything from her past lies, especially now - its non existant. Even if she somehow tried to persuade me she understands where I'm coming from; its a problem it had to get this far for her to act. So lies, no physical intimacy and having things get the worst before she makes a move...thats just a combo Im not willing to deal with. I just wish she never gave me all those snuggly, I love you type things (as lame as that sounds) all the time. It just added to my confusion and doubt, and thats something I guess I'll never fully understand. I have to be fine with that though. But I'm pretty much disconnected emotionally just to be sane...I just have to do the deed of making it official now. What a holiday
Doesn't sound lame at all. It's only natural to be confused by mixed messages, and to hope it blows over, or straightens out somehow. Good that we were able to help you clarify your thoughts/feelings. Good luck, best wishes. Don't let her talk you out of your new resolve, btw. Be firm in your statements. Enough is enough.
The only time sex slows down after marriage is when the guy is bad in bed. Women's sex drive, and desire for their mate, increases after marriage and as they get older.
That's the real biology. What this guys says is just lies spread on the internet to sell stuff to men.
It's different for everyone so you cannot generalize (and neither can I), but it makes more sense that the biological imperative to reproduce (i.e. survival of the species), would be stronger at the beginning of a relationship and as the parties thereto are younger. That is, in nature's definition, not mine, what they are there for.
Likewise, I think you are misguided by some popular culture bs because of all the older women I know (over 50), most of them couldn't possibly care less about it.
I think the image of 50-something women some people here have in mind is passe. 50 in many cases looks nothing like it did in my mother's day. 50-somethings (especially those who have never given birth, but even some of those who have) are in great shape, look hot, and some are often mistaken for 30-somethings. And they have the libidos to go with that.
Doesn't sound lame at all. It's only natural to be confused by mixed messages, and to hope it blows over, or straightens out somehow. Good that we were able to help you clarify your thoughts/feelings. Good luck, best wishes. Don't let her talk you out of your new resolve, btw. Be firm in your statements. Enough is enough.
Thanks so much Ruth4Truth. Its going to be hard, but what will come if I don't will be harder. I will focus on that so I don't crumple and follow through. Caring about someone really messes with your perception, but I know what I need to do.
Thanks so much Ruth4Truth. Its going to be hard, but what will come if I don't will be harder. I will focus on that so I don't crumple and follow through. Caring about someone really messes with your perception, but I know what I need to do.
Be brave. It'll all work out.
You aren't a sucker for trying to work this out. You're a caring individual. You can leave this relationship knowing you gave it every chance to succeed. She cannot say the same.
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It's different for everyone so you cannot generalize (and neither can I), but it makes more sense that the biological imperative to reproduce (i.e. survival of the species), would be stronger at the beginning of a relationship and as the parties thereto are younger. That is, in nature's definition, not mine, what they are there for.
Human sexuality is primarily not about reproduction. That is where a lot of the pseudoscience goes wrong.
Real-life humans use sex mainly for emotional bonding. It's common to have sex thousands of times without making a baby. Throughout history, humans have put a lot of effort into devising ways of sexual expression that also make reproduction impossible.
So any 'scientific' theory that you read that talks about reproduction being a primary force behind sexual behaviour, you can know right away it is bs .
Quote:
all the older women I know (over 50), most of them couldn't possibly care less about it.
It's possible that my women friends in their 50s talk to me, a woman in her 40s who is active in sexuality education, more freely than they talk to you, a guy who thinks they don't have sex. Maybe they don't want to scare you .
You aren't a sucker for trying to work this out. You're a caring individual. You can leave this relationship knowing you gave it every chance to succeed. She cannot say the same.
Thank you for the words of encouragement, really means a lot! I agree, I know I did everything I could, I really tried to not leave any page unturned in this relationship. Things just never worked out
It's never easy to hurt someone, especially when you were so confused. It took me almost 2 years to finally tell my xh I wanted a divorce. Life is too short to be miserable, so someone else can be happy. Well, that's what I learned long ago.
As for the texting, let me say this much. Most of my male friends, when I'm in a relationship, respect that relationship, and won't be texting me at some strange odd hour. Even myself, when I want to text my guy friends that are in relationships, I look at the clock, oh, it's after 10pm, nevermind, I'll text them in the morning. It's called respecting your relationship and your SO.
The fact that you asked her not to get or send texts after 11pm, IMHO, was reasonable. If a guy asked me that, I'd feel so bad, because obviously I wasn't being respectful. 11pm is a decent time, nothing over the top, and you're not asking her to stop, just stop after 11pm.
You've talked things out, you've tried to make compromises (granted, we only know your side of things), but none of it made any difference to her and she kept on living her life as she wanted with no respect to you. In your next relationship, just be that person. It wasn't about being spineless, it was about her being disrespectful to you, and you allowing it for so long. Hopefully, next time you'll see it sooner and get out sooner. Regardless of all the hand-holding, cuddling, I love you's, etc.
Good luck. Take time to regain your confidence. From what you wrote, I don't think you did anything wrong. I think she just had no respect for you (hence the lying, multiple times, and probably knowing how to play you).
It's over. Move on. If your sig other can't turn the phone off and be with you during the night, then they are just being selfish . Why torture yourself any longer with this situation? Sounds to me like she is just waiting for you to make the call on the relationship.
It's never easy to hurt someone, especially when you were so confused. It took me almost 2 years to finally tell my xh I wanted a divorce. Life is too short to be miserable, so someone else can be happy. Well, that's what I learned long ago.
As for the texting, let me say this much. Most of my male friends, when I'm in a relationship, respect that relationship, and won't be texting me at some strange odd hour. Even myself, when I want to text my guy friends that are in relationships, I look at the clock, oh, it's after 10pm, nevermind, I'll text them in the morning. It's called respecting your relationship and your SO.
The fact that you asked her not to get or send texts after 11pm, IMHO, was reasonable. If a guy asked me that, I'd feel so bad, because obviously I wasn't being respectful. 11pm is a decent time, nothing over the top, and you're not asking her to stop, just stop after 11pm.
You've talked things out, you've tried to make compromises (granted, we only know your side of things), but none of it made any difference to her and she kept on living her life as she wanted with no respect to you. In your next relationship, just be that person. It wasn't about being spineless, it was about her being disrespectful to you, and you allowing it for so long. Hopefully, next time you'll see it sooner and get out sooner. Regardless of all the hand-holding, cuddling, I love you's, etc.
Good luck. Take time to regain your confidence. From what you wrote, I don't think you did anything wrong. I think she just had no respect for you (hence the lying, multiple times, and probably knowing how to play you).
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. In all honesty, after she lied to me those few times, I just stopped inquiring or looking for those things anymore. I just couldn't take it again if she was lieing to me. That was my first mistake. But now that she has ceased most sexual contact with me for over a year - In which I have been very communicative with her, but with no response on her end. I know its time. As you said, after lieing to someones face three times and still being with them, I guess I gave her the free pass to feel like she could get away with anything.
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