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Yes, me. I had never even seen dating in movies I used to watch. I didn't start seeing that until maybe 10 years ago. I had to learn about dating later. It hasn't appealed to me yet.
Dating was never fun or easy for me so I enjoy this thread, but I've had no choice but to date post 20. So I while I don't need to know anymore I am curious where this magical non-dating place exists outside of California.
But maybe it was there and we just didn't recognise it. I saw it in Happy Days so I thought it was something people used to do back in the 50s.
I can only imagine that you and srjth lived in an isolated community for much of your life and primarely associate and see people in that community, without much outside influence.
The only thing I can draw a comparison to and am familiar with would be a Commune, A Gypsy community, People who come from other countries that primarely accociate within that group, or a religous compound. Non are an exact comparison though. Part of you seems so worldly and another part of you seems very naive(Not familiar with Average American dating practices.)
By the way, None of this is meant as an insult. Just curious
I can only imagine that you and srjth lived in an isolated community for much of your life and primarely associate and see people in that community, without much outside influence.
The only thing I can draw a comparison to and am familiar with would be a Commune, A Gypsy community, People who come from other countries that primarely accociate within that group, or a religous compound. Non are an exact comparison though. Part of you seems so worldly and another part of you seems very naive(Not familiar with Average American dating practices.)
By the way, None of this is meant as an insult. Just curious
Got to say, I'm with you - all I envision when I hear her descriptions is FLDS communities, perhaps Amish villages or communes like The Farm.
But again, she may not be in America, we just don't know. Maybe she's on a Kibbutz in Israel?
I can only imagine that you and srjth lived in an isolated community for much of your life and primarely associate and see people in that community, without much outside influence.
An isolated community? Do San Francisco and Berkeley sound isolated to you? Many of my friends (male as well as female) never dated in HS and college, and did the group hang-out or group-living thing post-college, through their twenties. Formal dating wasn't part of the picture. This isn't all that unusual for West Coast cities, a few of which I listed earlier in the thread. The OP and srjth aren't freaks. You could regard this as just one of many subcultures within American culture. This also is actually the norm in Scandinavia. There was no word for "date" and "dating" in those languages until they recently borrowed it from English. It's not a common practice there.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 12-19-2013 at 12:07 PM..
An isolated community? Do San Francisco and Berkeley sound isolated to you?...This isn't all that unusual for West Coast cities... also is actually the norm in Scandinavia...
::laughing at the idea of one of the largest metro areas in the US, and one of the major trading areas of Europe being 'isolated'::
This forum, not just this thread, has taught me how culturally isolated the more conservative parts of the US are. More than I ever imagined.
Every day there are posts by kind, open-minded people that show a boggling unawareness of other cultures, and an assumption that everyone lives the way they do. Or people having massive angst because they think that there is only one way to do life/relationships and they do not like that way -- but they think the customs of their little subculture are genetically hardwired into all humans, so they have no choice.
It's sad, and it's crazy, and I never know quite how to respond to it.
One of the most wonderful people on this forum, for example, expressed surprise and maybe dismay, in dm, that I did not know some details of his/her particular branch of christianity. I mean, how would I know that stuff, if I am not a member of the same religion, and don't know anyone who is? I don't know anything about hinduism, either, or shinto, and not much about buddhism. But IIUC those are much larger religions.
I surely do not mean to be trivializing something that is very important to that person, and maybe made him/her the kind and loving person they are today. But the assumption that everyone is the same, it just seems so pervasive on this forum, and so odd. And for so many of our posters, it seems to cause so much suffering.
And then there are the attacks. Somebody dm'd me last night to say that they, too, grew up in an area where dating was not a thing, but they didn't want to post here because they didn't want to be a target of all the sh*t people were throwing.
Maybe that's why y'all think everyone lives like you do. Because you try to beat up anyone who tells you otherwise.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
An isolated community? Do San Francisco and Berkeley sound isolated to you? Many of my friends (male as well as female) never dated in HS and college, and did the group hang-out or group-living thing post-college, through their twenties. Formal dating wasn't part of the picture. This isn't all that unusual for West Coast cities, a few of which I listed earlier in the thread. The OP and srjth aren't freaks. You could regard this as just one of many subcultures within American culture. This also is actually the norm in Scandinavia. There was no word for "date" and "dating" in those languages until they recently borrowed it from English. It's not a common practice there.
Well, in the 60s/70s/80s that was going on many places in the U.S., not just the West Coast, but that has largely passed now. Even in the bay area it doesn't happen much anymore with 20 somethings, though communal (often illegal) art house / commune living space does happen. That occurs in other places with big art communities or quaker-ish type communities (Maine/Vermont, Providence, Arcata CA, etc). It is pretty unusual now.
Dating dynamics are also often different in the immediate post college years for many when people do have time to just "hang out" and let things happen organically. When I was in Madison those years there wasn't any rush to ask someone out as the odds were I'd see them within the next week at the farmer's market, or at a party, or a show... the place was small enough and people were out and about a lot. That isn't likely to happen as you get more into your career.
Well, in the 60s/70s/80s that was going on many places in the U.S., not just the West Coast, but that has largely passed now. Even in the bay area it doesn't happen much anymore with 20 somethings, though communal (often illegal) art house / commune living space does happen. That occurs in other places with big art communities or quaker-ish type communities (Maine/Vermont, Providence, Arcata CA, etc). It is pretty unusual now.
Dating dynamics are also often different in the immediate post college years for many when people do have time to just "hang out" and let things happen organically. When I was in Madison those years there wasn't any rush to ask someone out as the odds were I'd see them within the next week at the farmer's market, or at a party, or a show... the place was small enough and people were out and about a lot. That isn't likely to happen as you get more into your career.
Group houses are common in Washington DC, Seattle, and Santa Fe. I don't know about everywhere.
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