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Then perhaps you should leave the adults to the dating conversations?
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Those first dates with those 20 people have to happen somehow. Most of the time, if it's going to happen at all, it's the guy who does the asking, and therefore, the paying. So those 20 dates will cost, well....a lot. It depends on the date, but that's a whole other thread.
In a relationship, the scenario you describe is both awesome and common. But on your way TO that point, there's a lot of dating.
As for me specifically? Sending a DM about it. Not everyone cares about my dating background.
If you're doing the asking, wouldn't you also do the planning of the date?
Why don't you just find something free or cheap to do. Visit a museum, go downtown and browse the shops, go to the farmers market, stop for coffee..etc. If a $3 cup of coffee is going to set you back, you might consider holding off on dating until you can afford the $3.
Not single, but back when I was dating, I never asked a man out. I did plan and pay for subsequent dates though.
So I'm not certain if this is the specific complaint that a lot of the men are addressing but consider what dating is like when you're dating around in the interest of finding someone worth a relationship. If you agree that men do most of the asking, that means men do most of the paying as well. A guy might go on 20 dates (I'm making these numbers up, obviously) looking for a great woman, and a woman might do the same with 20 guys.
Those first dates with those 20 people have to happen somehow. Most of the time, if it's going to happen at all, it's the guy who does the asking, and therefore, the paying. So those 20 dates will cost, well....a lot. It depends on the date, but that's a whole other thread.
In a relationship, the scenario you describe is both awesome and common. But on your way TO that point, there's a lot of dating.
As for me specifically? Sending a DM about it. Not everyone cares about my dating background.
If you're doing the asking, wouldn't you also do the planning of the date?
Why don't you just find something free or cheap to do. Visit a museum, go downtown and browse the shops, go to the farmers market, stop for coffee..etc. If a $3 cup of coffee is going to set you back, you might consider holding off on dating until you can afford the $3.
Not single, but back when I was dating, I never asked a man out. I did plan and pay for subsequent dates though.
I don't mean me, as I happen to have a fair amount of disposable income (god, there's no way to say that without sounding like a douche). But the other guys on this board would probably be all too willing to share their experiences with women on those kinds of dates.
If you're doing the asking, wouldn't you also do the planning of the date?
Why don't you just find something free or cheap to do. Visit a museum, go downtown and browse the shops, go to the farmers market, stop for coffee..etc. If a $3 cup of coffee is going to set you back, you might consider holding off on dating until you can afford the $3.
Not single, but back when I was dating, I never asked a man out. I did plan and pay for subsequent dates though.
Because then the woman thinks you're cheap, and you get rejected anyway
Come on, you know better than that. Men do the overwhelming majority of the asking out, therefore men end up paying for most of the dates/relationship. I've heard numerous women on here say they would NEVER ask a man out. So to say "who ever ask pays" is a convenient cop out for women to avoid paying their share of dating/relationship.
Again, that was not the statement you made. You said that most women expect men to always pay for everything. You did not specify first dates.
Newsflash: most people you see out and about together are in relationships, not first or second dates. This is by far the most common dynamic at restaurants, movies, concerts, festivals, etc. These are the situations where women are paying or splitting.
(See HiveMind's response above, he gets it.)
Honestly, do you think women don't ask men out so they can AVOID paying? Really? You don't think it might have something to do with gender roles that persist in particular social classes?
I would also like to hear from men who have been in a situation where the check comes to the table and the woman grabs it and insists on paying. What do you do? How does it make you feel?
Honestly, do you think women don't ask men out so they can AVOID paying? Really? You don't think it might have something to do with gender roles that persist in particular social classes?
I would also like to hear from men who have been in a situation where the check comes to the table and the woman grabs it and insists on paying. What do you do? How does it make you feel?
The men I know would feel somewhat emasculated.
Personally, I think it's awesome, and I tell them so. But I've RARELY (and I mean VERY RARELY) gone out with a woman who had:
a) the initiative
b) the income
to make such a move. Like, off the top of my head...maybe 2-3 or so out of, well....let's just say "a lot".
Anyway, to put 14Bricks' comment in a gentler light, I don't believe he's suggesting that women avoid asking men out so they don't have to pay. Rather, he (and some others) fee that saying "whomever does the inviting should pay" is a convenient rule of thumb to fall back on when it rarely applies to you. To guys, it's like saying "whoever's shorter has to pay". Most of the time, it'll be the other person.
Edit: And "first dates" applies to me more than "relationships", because I'm "that guy". I can't speak for other guys.
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