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When I was single every once in a while a few friends from work would get together and throw a party, with everyone inviting their own friends from outside work. It was cool to do on holidays without a lot of competition... like Mardi Gras. Once we had a Martini Party where everyone coming had to bring the ingredients for their favorite Martini or cocktail, but don't do this if your friends are known to drink too much. LOL. But it could be anything really, game night, watching the NCAA finals, whatever. It was fun to do and you ended up meeting people who had been somewhat vetted.
When I was living with my then boyfriend, I hosted a similar one for our single pals. We each invited our friends and told every guest to bring a friend we didn't know. I think it was for Thanksgiving? We just served finger foods and had games. It went well. A few dates resulted.
Quote:
Originally Posted by grumptacular
Large burlap sack, a panel van, and a poorly lit area.
^^^ Great suggestions. Three of once did a 'trim-a=tree' party for Christmas. The invitation rhymed, but essentially if you could get it on a hook we'd take it. "Bring us one you happen to make, bring us one you happen to break." The results were hilarious.
Go outside and talk to people, not just those you'd like to date. You never know who others know that may be looking for someone too.
This is really the crux of the issue. We can post ideas of how to get out and about, where to mix and mingle, until we're blue in the face, but it won't help anyone if they're too shy to strike up a conversation with anyone at these events. In order to meet people, you have to come out of your shell and talk to them. This seems to be the main stumbling block. It's frustrating to post the same ideas over and over, only to have the guys here shoot them down every time.
This is the key issue, really. We can post ideas of how to get out and about, where to mix and mingle, until we're blue in the face, but it won't help anyone if they're too shy to strike up a conversation with anyone at these events. In order to meet people, you have to come out of your shell and talk to them. This seems to be the main stumbling block.
Personally, that's the hardest part. Going to the event is easy. I can fill my free time with all sorts of social activities, but when I actually get there anxiety tends to make it difficult to talk to women I'm attracted to. My psych has told me I do have generalized social anxiety, but when it comes to men or older women (as in people I know wouldn't be interested in me romantically, or an authority figure), I usually do much better. Then a woman will come along who's in my age range and my brain will implode when I try to say something. It's honestly quite irritating, and I know I'm being irrational, but that knowledge hurts more than it helps because I'll criticize myself for it constantly during and after the conversation.
Personally, that's the hardest part. Going to the event is easy. I can fill my free time with all sorts of social activities, but when I actually get there anxiety tends to make it difficult to talk to women I'm attracted to. My psych has told me I do have generalized social anxiety, but when it comes to men or older women (as in people I know wouldn't be interested in me romantically, or an authority figure), I usually do much better. Then a woman will come along who's in my age range and my brain will implode when I try to say something. It's honestly quite irritating, and I know I'm being irrational, but that knowledge hurts more than it helps because I'll criticize myself for it constantly during and after the conversation.
Has your psych given you any suggestions to help?
What is it about a woman in your age range that paralyzes you from speaking? What prevents you from looking at her as just another person to converse with?
Personally, that's the hardest part. Going to the event is easy. I can fill my free time with all sorts of social activities, but when I actually get there anxiety tends to make it difficult to talk to women I'm attracted to. My psych has told me I do have generalized social anxiety, but when it comes to men or older women (as in people I know wouldn't be interested in me romantically, or an authority figure), I usually do much better. Then a woman will come along who's in my age range and my brain will implode when I try to say something. It's honestly quite irritating, and I know I'm being irrational, but that knowledge hurts more than it helps because I'll criticize myself for it constantly during and after the conversation.
Good description of the problem. Sorry to hear this, Duck. But have you tried joining activities that meet regularly, so you can get used to being around women and sort of ease into talking with them over time? Sort of like a desensitization program, lol. Like they do with fear-of-flying and other phobias. Maybe you need to start with that sort of thing to build familiarity and confidence, then eventually work up to the casual chat with strangers at public events.
This is really the crux of the issue. We can post ideas of how to get out and about, where to mix and mingle, until we're blue in the face, but it won't help anyone if they're too shy to strike up a conversation with anyone at these events. In order to meet people, you have to come out of your shell and talk to them. This seems to be the main stumbling block. It's frustrating to post the same ideas over and over, only to have the guys here shoot them down every time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inebriated Duck
Personally, that's the hardest part. Going to the event is easy. I can fill my free time with all sorts of social activities, but when I actually get there anxiety tends to make it difficult to talk to women I'm attracted to. My psych has told me I do have generalized social anxiety, but when it comes to men or older women (as in people I know wouldn't be interested in me romantically, or an authority figure), I usually do much better. Then a woman will come along who's in my age range and my brain will implode when I try to say something. It's honestly quite irritating, and I know I'm being irrational, but that knowledge hurts more than it helps because I'll criticize myself for it constantly during and after the conversation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
Has your psych given you any suggestions to help?
What is it about a woman in your age range that paralyzes you from speaking? What prevents you from looking at her as just another person to converse with?
While I realize there is a sub-issue of social awkwardness and having issues talking to people, the purpose of this thread was due to the overwhelming questions in this forum from people on 'where' to meet people. I see the same posters repeating the same thing in every one of those threads. Also, posts to people who have recently moved to a new city. Posts on how to meet girls in college should be covered here too. This thread was constructed to give people a 'where' and not necessarily how. That's a whole other thread.
While I realize there is a sub-issue of social awkwardness and having issues talking to people, the purpose of this thread was due to the overwhelming questions in this forum from people on 'where' to meet people. I see the same posters repeating the same thing in every one of those threads. Also, posts to people who have recently moved to a new city. Posts on how to meet girls in college should be covered here too. This thread was constructed to give people a 'where' and not necessarily how. That's a whole other thread.
The thread should either be made a "sticky", or repeated a couple of times/year, considering how the membership changes.
The fewer limitations on "where" the better. I only have a couple. Also, you have to deal well with being out of your comfort zone. As the saying goes, in order to be successful, you need to be comfortable being uncomfortable.
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