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Yes I think it's realistic, may be I'm old fashioned but marriage should be for a lifetime in my opinion(provided one believes in marriage in the first place)
My husband used to believe that until he got divorced. He told me marriage is forever. But 2 months in our marriage he kick me out coz of pregnancy scare. He also always tell me when I complain - you know where the door is. He also said this is ONLY 2nd marriage.
I really dunno what the ex did to him that 'destroyed' (his words) him. All I know is that he said the fight started when his ex's ex bf called their house he confornted her then SHTF from there.
He just always said to me women just use men then throw them away...
Ugh I am just mad at my husband coz I called him today to say something and he didn't answer my call.
I guess I am just highly discombobulated when he says he loves me to death, marriage is forever but seems to not care if our marriage ends.
I told him he is bipolar. I don't know if I can stand anymore of it. I will see when he gets home what his 'mood' is because I plan to just ignore him.
My husband used to believe that until he got divorced. He told me marriage is forever. But 2 months in our marriage he kick me out coz of pregnancy scare. He also always tell me when I complain - you know where the door is. He also said this is ONLY 2nd marriage.
I really dunno what the ex did to him that 'destroyed' (his words) him. All I know is that he said the fight started when his ex's ex bf called their house he confornted her then SHTF from there.
He just always said to me women just use men then throw them away...
Ugh I am just mad at my husband coz I called him today to say something and he didn't answer my call.
I guess I am just highly discombobulated when he says he loves me to death, marriage is forever but seems to not care if our marriage ends.
I told him he is bipolar. I don't know if I can stand anymore of it. I will see when he gets home what his 'mood' is because I plan to just ignore him.
Its sad!
Well I don't want to comment on rest of the areas but....
Quote:
Originally Posted by meaning
My husband used to believe that until he got divorced. He told me marriage is forever..
I am sure there are plenty of guys like me who believe that marriage should last forever and live by those words but then again every guy is different and also it depends on situations and various other factors(his past experiences,his principles,his core beliefs etc).
My elderly neighbors across the street are both 90 years old. They celebrated their 69th wedding anniversary a few months ago.
Several months ago, I sat in their living room and together, they told me the story of how they met. They finished one anothers sentences. The husband told me that she didn't know it yet, but he was the man she was going to marry.
She was courting another man and he said he stole her away from him and they have been together ever since.
The husband is dying. I see the love and fear in her eyes when we talk. I know they had to work to keep their marriage healthy, and it seems they did it.
I know that soon enough he will be but a memory, and I do not think she will be able to make it on this earth for very long without him.
It can be done.
Nice experience.
I like to ask what the key to success is.
Normally they will say, "Learn to keep your mouth shut."
True.. But if you were 90% happy with that person the first 10 years or so, and then down the road found yourself 60% happy, despite most attempts to work it out, isn't it plain torture to stay just because you're married? Even if it means that you'll never be in a very long relationship or marriage, I don't think it's a bad thing to leave one situation that is barely tolerable for the sake of finding another situation that is very very tolerable. The idea of having to stay with someone forever and ever, despite your happiness, just seems like torture to me.
I think people have a tendency to put too much stock into their feelings. We have become a culture of feelings and make a lot of our decisions based on it. I'm not saying feelings don't matter but they are just feelings. It's what we do with them that counts.
There are people who have very privileged lives and lots of creature comforts yet are unhappy. There are people with little and are happy, so happiness is a rather subjective human experience. I think we as a culture need to learn how to manage our feelings and not let them get the best of us.
If a person was 90% happy and then a decade later or more found themselves 60% happy, I'd ask what happened? Have they changed their definition of what it means to be happy? Are they asking for something they didn't back when they were 90% happy? There are so many factors.
I find it unrealistic in regards to heterosexual marriages considering how it seems most guys are quite lazy in marriage and doing their share, more gals have the freedom to leave unhappy/unhealthy marriages, and gals generally seem to be burdened with work and more work ala doing all/most of the household/childcare duties while their concerns are dismissed as nagging and they are pressured for unwanted sex solely for his benefit likely leading to lots of anger/resentment probably hence the divorce rate of gals mostly initiating.
"The husband is dying. I see the love and fear in her eyes when we talk"
I saw this in my cousins eyes when her husband was on his death bed. He came clean about seeing hookers on his business trips. She completely forgave as he layed in the Hospital bed. She took it all back and separated from him when he completely recovered.
Awesome on her for leaving. Though in my opinion she seems a bit idealistic if she didn't think a guy would cheat once the opportunity came about.
Well I don't want to comment on rest of the areas but....
I am sure there are plenty of guys like me who believe that marriage should last forever and live by those words but then again every guy is different and also it depends on situations and various other factors(his past experiences,his principles,his core beliefs etc).
My husband no matter what he tells me I really believe was damaged for life coz of the divorce. He doesn't know maybe how to cope with the loss. He told me he lost a lot in life and when I ask what is it. He said he lost his marriage and his son.
Anyway, when he came home yesterday I totally ignore him I usually go out to meet him when I hear him walk in the house but yesterday, I didn't get out of the bedroom so when he walk in the bedroom and just look at me I just ask him so you still mad at me? He said he was, last night. Then I said why didn't you answer my call he said what call he even let me see the call logs. My call wasn't there. So I just told him I will cook dinner then. Oh well so we are just back to normal again, I guess
Marriage... really stressful hard work, I tell ya.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
Because most people will NEVER be 100% happy. If you keep looking for greener pastures just because life has become less than a Disney movie, you will always be looking. A lot of people keep looking for happiness with their genitals because they are addicted to the rush of first "love/lust."
Of course, there are a lot of situations where people have just grown apart, and divorces happen.
This is why polyamory makes a lot of sense for many people. It isn't my thing really, but they have the connection and the stability plus get to enjoy the newness and first rush of a new flame.
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Awesome on her for leaving. Though in my opinion she seems a bit idealistic if she didn't think a guy would cheat once the opportunity came about. 
