I really like this girl - but she has herpes (gay, cancer)
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So, I've been slowly getting to know this woman lately, I see her maybe 3-5 times a week and I think I like her and would like to ask her out. The only problem is that she has oral herpes- I can see it on her lips.
I do not have herpes. I'm not sure how to approach this. Has anybody else been in this situation before? Suggestions? Advice? What did you do? Did you end up also getting herpes? How did it affect you mentally? What happened with the situation? Did you guys break up? If so, were you absolutely devastated that you have no girl/guy and also herpes?
I ttake acyclovir on a daily basis and rarely have a herpes out break, and when I do have an outbreak, it's minor and doesn't last long. When I feel an outbreak coming on, I double up on the acyclivir and fight off the outbreak before the herpes sores occurs.
A
I'd suggest you have your girlfriend talk with her doctor about getting her started taking acyclovir on a daily basis.
Another thing I've noticed, since I started taking Acyclovir on a daily basis I rarely get colds. I haven't had a cold in about 2 years or longer
Also periods of time when I didn't have health insurance, I had good luck preventing outbreaks by taking a shot full of Braggs Vinegar each day.
That's been my experience and the nearly 40 years I've been diagnosed with herpes I've never passed it along to anybody
hope you can come to terms with your girlfriends herpes.
Last edited by Ivory Lee Spurlock; 11-30-2014 at 09:34 PM..
Lol, I had this problem too. This girl I liked had herpes and this was a huge red flag. But honestly, her and I had alot of different issues and the herpes issue was among the biggest one. But luckily she told me before we had intercourse
Old thread but there are far worse things than herpes. It's easy to spread through non-sexual activity, too. It is a non issue to me if she is proactive about it. I've been in multiple long term relationships like this. I don't get cold sores, but that is so trivial compared to other issues you may encounter in people. There are a lot of people that are just plain nuts. That is not trivial.
Someday when you settle down and grow old with somebody, you will possibly face some really serious age-related health issues. Herpes is a mosquito bite compared to what life can throw at you.
People just need to take some time to inform themselves of sexually transmitted viruses and infections instead of relying on forums for this sort of info. The average person isn't educated on the facts because they base their decision making on social stigma instead of medical data.
To anyone saying, "I would never date anyone with HSV-1 (oral herpes)," how do you know the people you date have it if they don't disclose it first? Do you ask them out of the blue if they get cold sores? Or do you ask if they have any STIs and assume they'll even think to consider cold sores as an STI/STS? News flash: SO many people don't even know cold sores are caused by the herpes simplex virus. These are often the same folks that mistake a cold sore for a canker sore because they're in denial they could be infected with one of the more common viruses that humans carry.
A large percentage of people carry the HSV-1 virus because they get it as kids from sharing glasses with friends or getting kissed by a relative that has an active infection on their mouth. Many people with good immune systems only get a sore once in their life, or something like once a year when their systems are compromised due to stress or colds. Yes, it's possible to infect someone through asymptomatic shedding, but this is unlikely compared to rate of infection with an open, visible sore. People also don't seem to know that HSV-1 (oral) spread to the genitals is not going to cause equally active outbreaks as HSV-2 (genital) would be in the same area. The strains are more active in their own above- and below-the-belt locations.
I just can't see how it's possible or logical or avoid dating someone in such a circumstance, unless you're asking them on the first date if they've ever in their life gotten a cold sore. Of course, if they break out in sores once a month, that means roughly 2 weeks of no sexual contact to prevent getting it which would understandably put a hamper on your sex life. I get passing on a person in this scenario, but you're still super likely to unknowingly go on kissing and having sex with more partners who are carriers of HSV-1.
Also, it's common for people to assume that because they asked for STI testing at their doctors, they got tested for the entire gamut of sexually transmitted diseases. This is false. A test for herpes has to be specifically requested and unless you're experiencing an active outbreak, blood must be drawn to test for specific antibodies. Some doctors refuse to even order this test if a patient doesn't have symptoms because it's can give a false positive/negative.
You also don't get tested for HPV during a routine STI screening unless you're a woman at the gyno (for cervical cancer screening). There is no test that is available for straight men to know their HPV status. That's just the reality. Men are often asymptomatic carriers, unless they're the small percentage that get infected with a strain that causes genital warts, and there's just no way to know if your male partner has or doesn't have any strains of HPV. Since there are over 100 strains, if you're sleeping with someone over the age of 24 that's had 3+ partners, you're probably also a carrier of HPV. Surprise! You have an STI in this case. Sometimes they do nothing, sometimes they cause warts, sometimes they go on to cause cancer.
The point is you've gotta go to some super great lengths if you're realistically thinking you're verifying you and your partner are free of any sexual transmitted viruses, infections, or diseases. And unless you've been vaccinated for certain strains of HPV, there's no way for a guy to even know if he's carrying that STI. People do a lot of preaching and unnecessary shunning when they think they're free of some of the more common, harmless viruses that are spread through sharing a straw or swapping a little spit.
If 50-80 percent of the population has it, that means that 20-30% do not.
Good luck figuring out who belongs to those 20%. I understand trying to avoid catching anything but really, unless you're a virgin anyone is subject to catch something eventually. If herpes is the worst you get count yourself lucky.
Quote:
Originally Posted by trishguard
I consider it a very big deal. The gateway std.
Hahaha
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohiogirl22
So if you try oral herpes you are more likely to try harder, more addictive STDS?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inebriated Duck
Gateway STD.
You heard it here first folks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
Hilarious. From Herpes to Gonorrhea (spelling?) and when he tried that for a while .. move on to HIV.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
In the grand scheme of things with all there is to worry about in life, herpes is a non issue.
It's not HIV, it's not cancer, it's not schizophrenia, it's not starvation, it's not loss of limbs, it's not genocide, it's not suicide, it's not drug addiction, it's not Alzheimers, it's not ALS, it's not the end of the world.
When people take their time to educate themselves about this virus they can make a good choice to relax and stop worrying so much.
Absolutely.
Quote:
Originally Posted by glenmorangie
People just need to...
...
The point is you've gotta go to some super great lengths if you're realistically thinking you're verifying you and your partner are free of any sexual transmitted viruses, infections, or diseases. And unless you've been vaccinated for certain strains of HPV, there's no way for a guy to even know if he's carrying that STI. People do a lot of preaching and unnecessary shunning when they think they're free of some of the more common, harmless viruses that are spread through sharing a straw or swapping a little spit.
Good informative post, and just to address your last point, I bet if a lot of the "eww, herpes, gross, I would never..." people out there were to be tested they'd be very surprised when they got their results back.
Good luck figuring out who belongs to those 20%. I understand trying to avoid catching anything but really, unless you're a virgin anyone is subject to catch something eventually. If herpes is the worst you get count yourself lucky.
Hahaha
Absolutely.
Good informative post, and just to address your last point, I bet if a lot of the "eww, herpes, gross, I would never..." people out there were to be tested they'd be very surprised when they got their results back.
I bet if a lot of the "eww, herpes, gross, I would never..." people out there were to be tested they'd be very surprised when they got their results back.
Exactly. And cue the I Have Herpes!!? breakdown. But unless they requested the specific blood work, they're probably under the false assumption that the doc can test for that sort of thing with a mouth or vaginal swab. I'm all for peace of mind and ignorance being bliss, but not when it results in shaming people who are statistically just as likely to be asymptomatic carriers of some of these things.
The reason doctors aren't vigilant about everyone knowing their HSV-1 or HSV-2 status if they're asymptomatic is because it's just a skin condition. There are so many worse things men and women need to avoid and/or get tested for that can actually negatively impact reproductive health if left untreated. Herpes is not one of those things, unless you're a rare case with a compromised immune system and you're just constantly getting breakouts. Although I will sympathize with anyone who gets it from a partner that lied and didn't disclose their status. That's super traumatic and I doubt it's fun to be reminded of something like that during outbreaks. But the point is, life moves on. You shouldn't feel like a social leper because of that when there are other people out there recklessly spreading antibiotic-resistant gonorrhea.
Your comment above also applies to HPV. Most women in their life will get the dreaded abnormal pap smear, which will lead to an HPV test to see if that's what's causing cell changes. My friend found out she had it and called me in hysterics about her sex life being over and accusing her ex of cheating on her since he "was tested for everything before we slept together." No, he wasn't, because that's not possible.
When I went with her to the appt, the doc nonchalantly explained how prevalent the virus is, that there's no way to avoid it really unless you abstain from sex entirely, and that there's no point to blame your current partner because HPV can remain latent in the body for years before it acts up and produces a positive test result. There's no way to pin it on your current partner, the one before that, or possibly the first person you slept with (if you've only recently become sexually active). When I brought up questions to my own doc, she said much of the same things and echoed that it's not necessary to disclose it to your partner unless you feel a moral need to. Most the time your body will clear the active infection in 6-22 months, and then there's really no point in feeling the burden to spill the beans to your new sex partners. Sexual health professionals seem to agree it can cause unnecessary strain in the relationship because people are generally uninformed and don't understand it's the common cold of the sex world. Kudos to the women who disclose anyway, but after dropping that bomb your partner's in an awkward spot to make a decision to continue a sexual relationship when he can't confirm whether or not he may have the exact strain already in his body.
I think that attitude of, "I have my partner get tested for absolutely ANYTHING and make sure he/she is CLEAN before I sleep with them" is problematic. It's not possible to do this and you very likely are carrying or have carried and supressed a sexually transmitted virus without even knowing it, because not all of them are harmful or easily avoidable with one round of basic testing. It's going to really suck getting that first cold sore or positive pap caused by HPV if you put yourself on a high horse based on societal stigma. Better to read up, ask questions with your doc, and have a realistic view of the facts.
That's pretty hard to do. A majority of the population has oral herpes.
The majority of the population? I must have some magical powers! I don't have any form of herpes and I've never been with anyone who has. I must have a cootie detector hidden somewhere.
For the OP......I would find someone else to date. Not interested in picking up things others have.
The majority of the population? I must have some magical powers! I don't have any form of herpes and I've never been with anyone who has. I must have a cootie detector hidden somewhere.
For the OP......I would find someone else to date. Not interested in picking up things others have.
You just may never have been around someone and seen their outbreak. but many people have it, it's not an STD, and even virgins who haven't so much as kissed someone will have them, possibly from their parents, or grandparents.
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