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As a man youre better off being arrogant then shy lowkey or not wantign to be the center of attention..
Quasi-cynical statement but the idea falls to pieces when you look at it.
In my experience, a lot of the time, those "arrogant" centers of attention are just puffed up. For every woman you see saying "OMG he's so awesome," there is at least one woman who is just rolling her eyes. "I can't stand him"
Then one day, some man comes in who is not necessarily shy. It would be a mistake to call him shy. Some of the women just float over to him. He's a total sensation. The loud center of attention notices this as well.
One of two things happen. He either opts to be his friend. (This more likely happens in my experience) Or he tries to compete as his rival.
Anyone who wanted to be with me simply because I am female and willing would have nothing but my contempt.
Yeah, I feel for the painfully shy guys, but they're looking at the situation only from their own "woe is me" perspective. From a woman's point of view, there's not much benefit from being with a man who's so anxious that he's paralyzed. Is he going to be so shy that he'll never call or text? Does he speak up for himself, or does he go along with everything to avoid conflict? How's he going to be on a date? How's he going to be in bed? Most women don't want a guy they have to coax out like a frightened kitten.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 02-04-2014 at 11:01 AM..
Anyone who wanted to be with me simply because I am female and willing would have nothing but my contempt.
No, that's not too flattering. I hope he means that he'd be especially thrilled if a woman he liked and found attractive wanted to date him. Kind of like someone in a tough job market who finds a job he or she is actually interested in.
And the market for shy men is tough. Some overstate this, but they're exaggerating the magnitude of an obstacle that is real but typically workable.
My only suggestion would be to avoid looking for a woman who might bring you out of your shell. That might happen, but as a criterion for dating someone it can overcomplicate things.
Yeah, I feel for the painfully shy guys, but they're looking at the situation only from their own "woe is me" perspective. From a woman's point of view, there's not much benefit from being with a man who's so anxious that he's paralyzed. Is he going to be so shy that he'll never call or text? Does he speak up for himself? How's he going to be on a date? How's he going to be in bed? Most women don't want a guy they pity.
It's one of those situations. The sad truth is the painfully shy are going to have to get some help with this issue. (Extreme shyness might actually be a symptom of social anxiety)
However, I think shy is often a misused label. There are guys who are not as loud and in your face. There are men who are a little more reserved, but they do get involved on some level. I wouldn't call them shy.
A very shy friend from college I know who eventually turned his luck around with women once told me
"My hatred of being alone every Friday and Saturday night in what was supposed to be my prime years eventually overrode my fears of talking and approaching females"
Yeah, I feel for the painfully shy guys, but they're looking at the situation only from their own "woe is me" perspective. From a woman's point of view, there's not much benefit from being with a man who's so anxious that he's paralyzed. Is he going to be so shy that he'll never call or text? Does he speak up for himself, or does he go along with everything to avoid conflict? How's he going to be on a date? How's he going to be in bed? Most women don't want a guy they pity or who's so grateful for attention they put up with anything.
At least you were honest in stating that you're only looking for what a guy can do for you. Before you try to deny it, you framed it in terms of what "benefits" there are. TBH, I think most women are that way, though not as willing to admit it as you are.
At least you were honest in stating that you're only looking for what a guy can do for you. Before you try to deny it, you framed it in terms of what "benefits" there are. TBH, I think most women are that way, though not as willing to admit it as you are.
Please, "benefits" may not have been exactly the right word, but a relationship is a two-way street. Both people need to feel like their needs are being met. Many of these awkward men seem to be fixated on how they're not getting anything from women, rather than spending an equal amount thinking about what they have to offer a partner themselves.
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